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Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

(336 Posts)
LindyMoe Fri 29-May-20 18:54:20

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP’s posts: |
PhoneLock Fri 29-May-20 19:00:19

It is like turning your back on somebody, so I can see why your neighbour is a bit upset.

Is them being able to see your newborn really a problem?

Hercwasonaroll Fri 29-May-20 19:01:45

It's a bit anti social to install a fence without saying anything.

LindyMoe Fri 29-May-20 19:04:16

We are very overlooked as it is, it's a normal fence all the other neighbours have. I didnt think a fence stopped people from being neighbourly as we're on good terms with the others...

OP’s posts: |
zscaler Fri 29-May-20 19:04:51

You’ve been a bit anti-social by not telling them first and by giving them the less attractive side, but their reaction is OTT.

BarbedBloom Fri 29-May-20 19:05:18

I would hate having a low hedge and would also put a fence in. I am happy to be friendly, but I want privacy in my garden. I would probably have let them know first, but i wouldn't apologise

Ipadipod Fri 29-May-20 19:05:56

Could you ask him why he’s so upset?

MuthaClucker Fri 29-May-20 19:05:58

I think it would have been good neighbourly etiquette to knock and let them know first.

KittyMcKitty Fri 29-May-20 19:06:22

The expectation is that you give the attractive side to your neighbours.

It would have been friendly / polite to say you were thinking of putting a fence up / newborn etc

Helendee Fri 29-May-20 19:07:13

You should have notified them first and given them the more attractive side.

TinyPigeon Fri 29-May-20 19:08:14

Is them being able to see your newborn really a problem?

Presumably it's her tits she wants to keep to herself?

I would hate to be overlooked and wouldn't use the garden without a fence! He is being unreasonable.

AuntieDolly Fri 29-May-20 19:08:29

I wouldn't be giving a neighbour the good side! It's really none of their business, but I would have let them know it was happening.

Ipadipod Fri 29-May-20 19:08:35

The expectation is that you give the attractive side to your neighbours

I didn’t know that was what is meant to happen.

PineconeOfDoom Fri 29-May-20 19:08:54

It would have been polite to tell them first, and you are supposed to put the nicer side facing your neighbour.

Windyatthebeach Fri 29-May-20 19:09:19

We put a 6 foot fence up after ndn ddog and our ddog kept shitting in each others gardens.. And her bf was a complete perv.. She attacked the fence with a claw hammer. Taking pics of me and my new baby announcing she wouldn't be able to see him in his pram now!! Went nuts. Had to instruct a solicitor to take control of the situation.. They moved soon after. Her cancer returned and she died. He blamed me person - in the foyer at Tesco..
sad

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson Fri 29-May-20 19:09:26

I agree it would have been better to have told him first. Not to ask permission but to let him know. All the posters saying you should have given him the better side are bonkers though, imho. The fence is completely in your garden, you have whichever side you want!

user1490910199 Fri 29-May-20 19:09:28

God no! Its your property, how unreasonable of them. You dont owe them anything its your garden why do you have to explain yourself. Sod them. Id be angry too!
In terms of people saying they wouldbe said first i get that but, you doing that would almost be like youre asking permission and youre not. Xx

SleepingStandingUp Fri 29-May-20 19:09:36

I think not telling them and rhenium basically telling them so you're baby is kept away/private from them possibly comes across quite offish. "we didn't mind you being able to see into our garden but now we a BABY and you mustn't gaze upon his form directly"

If the fence is against the hedge will in create a dead pace between the two or us it pressing up against his hedge?

PhoneLock Fri 29-May-20 19:09:58

I would hate to be overlooked and wouldn't use the garden without a fence! He is being unreasonable.

But she said she is overlooked from every other angle. What difference does it make?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays Fri 29-May-20 19:09:59

YANBU. It's your land you do what you like with it. He has no say in wether a fence goes up or not. You are entitled to your privacy.

Lhigg Fri 29-May-20 19:10:07

I have 7ft fences all round. I can't imagine anything worse than seeing my neighbours in their garden all day.

ListeningQuietly Fri 29-May-20 19:10:09

How high is the fence?

If you are going from a 3 foot hedge to a 6 foot fence
you are cutting out half the light from his garden
and cutting off his views to the distance

how much of the boundary are you fencing?

could you do 6 foot by the house
5 foot further along
and 4 foot even further along

to give the feeling of space and yet get privacy

check out the Far side cartoon about fences

Tinyhumansurvivalist Fri 29-May-20 19:10:32

Sorry but knocking and asking/letting them know... Are you lot crazy or what? It's on her land not the joint boundary she doesn't need to tell the neighbour a bloody thing

Op you've done absolutely nothing wrong, and if he wants the attractive side he can pay or put his own up. He's being a dick and is just pissed off that he can't be nosey.

Enjoy your privacy!

LindyMoe Fri 29-May-20 19:11:14

Ok the posts have only gone in for the remainder. Only 2 panels are in so we can put the attractive side for him. I didn't know we had to tell him we were putting up a fence... this is our first home, gosh there should be a manual or something

OP’s posts: |
MrsOfBebbanburg Fri 29-May-20 19:11:49

I think it’s weird that he thinks he’s entitled to a view of your garden! Odd. I don’t care what fences my neighbours build in their own gardens as long as it doesn’t breach the height restriction.

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