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Annoyed at Midwife

(76 Posts)
whattodo202000 Fri 29-May-20 15:56:49

I am not sure if I am being unreasonable but I am annoyed after my midwife appointment today. I have not seen her for about 9 weeks - I last saw her when I was 30 weeks pregnant (she has had a busy schedule which I appreciate) and I am now 39 weeks pregnant. I was hoping to use it as an opportunity to discuss my birth plan, get an idea on how I know if I am in labour, what happens if I go past my due date, etc.

Instead she told me to research these things online (I already have done so and thought that as a midwife she might be able to give me a bit more advice) and refused to go through a birth plan with me and told me I needed to write one up at home and take it with me to hospital. I am a first time mum so not sure what the procedure was but was hoping for a little bit of support. AIBU? I might be, I know there are lots of people in a worse position than me - I was just so disappointed and wonder why she wanted to see me. My appointment lasted about 10 minutes where my blood pressure, weight, and fetal heartbeat was monitored and that was it.

OP’s posts: |
UserFriendly14 Fri 29-May-20 16:05:40

YANBU. I know things are hard and different at the moment, but that’s no reason to not give you the standard rate of service- especially for a first time mum. FWIW I laughed out loud when I read back my birth plan after labour! Everything I put in, the opposite ended up happening!

Hope it all goes well flowers

LouHotel Fri 29-May-20 16:09:40

That's not good especially for a first pregnancy. Do you have a 40 week appointment scheduled to discuss a sweep and what will happen if you go overdue?

Waveysnail Fri 29-May-20 16:13:52

My mw never went though birth plan for any of my 3 children. Its your choice not your mw.

whattodo202000 Fri 29-May-20 16:14:05

Thank you for your replies. I got a text message after I left saying that I have been booked in for a midwife appointment (with the same person) in 2 weeks time - I will be 41 weeks pregnant by that point. That is another thing that has annoyed me, I wasn't asked/told she was booking another appointment in with me. Normally she would at least ask if I am available before booking something in with me. I can only guess it will be to discuss a sweep but honestly have no idea. I feel guilty tbh, if it was not for COVID I probably would complain but when I think about the amount of people who have had appointments cancelled and dentists shut, etc I feel I should just be grateful I am being seen.... I am learning everything from google, youtube, mumsnet so really was hoping my midwife could give guidance on things.

OP’s posts: |
21NewNames Fri 29-May-20 16:19:43

YANBU at all. She ought to be giving you some actual care as well as just checking vitals.

Good luck to you flowers

QforCucumber Fri 29-May-20 16:22:44

I'm 39 weeks and have been told that they arent doing sweep due to covid.

This is my 2nd and with neither have I discussed my birth plan, community midwife wont be there when you give birth so it doesnt really matter to them.

I appreciate it must be tough as a ftm but other than ask if any concerns neither of my pregnancies have had much 'care'

LesbianMummies Fri 29-May-20 16:22:56

Unfortunately the NHS think 10 minutes is adequate for a midwife appointment and so the midwives have the choice of giving the basic care or running horrifically behind and then having to skip their breaks / finish late unpaid etc.

Justjoshin22 Fri 29-May-20 16:27:32

No you’re not being unreasonable. You’re just looking for a bit of support and as a first time mum in particular, you’d think the midwife would be sensitive to that.
Is there anything in particular we could help with? X

MsVestibule Fri 29-May-20 16:28:43

Sadly, antenatal and post natal care is generally quite shoddy - at least it was when I had my children 13 years ago and I can't imagine it's improved since then. I was treated as though I was an uneducated child a lot of the time.

I think your best course of action is to write up your own birth plan. Of course it is unlikely to go to plan anyway(!) but it is a good idea to document what pain relief (if any) you would like, whether you would like a water birth etc.

Keep posting on the pregnancy boards if you have any questions. And good luck with the birth - it's amazing to think that within 3 weeks maximum, you'll actually have a real life baby!! (It seemed a bit of an abstract concept to me until she popped out and we were like 'wow! It's a baby!')

hm246 Fri 29-May-20 16:29:34

I never went through a birth plan with a MW. Not having any check ups between 39-41 weeks does not sound right. I know contact has been limited due to COVID but leaving you with no medical attention to 41 weeks is a long time. I’d ring and ask to speak to a senior midwife.

Grandmi Fri 29-May-20 16:29:35

I think your midwife needs to change careers!! Appalling service and quite scary for you .

dontdisturbmenow Fri 29-May-20 16:31:15

Of course it's disappointing but you need to accept that she probably has double workload to deal with at the moment and her priority will be for vulnerable women and those at risk.

She too probably wishes she could spend more quality time with healthy educated mums, it would make her job more fun, but her priority is to unsure mums and babies are healthy.

welshladywhois40 Fri 29-May-20 16:36:35

Yes - I don't think this is right.

As she might have skipped this part - from now on if you think labour has started, your waters break or you have any concerns ie movements you must contact the labour ward.

With regards to birth plan it's nice to know what might happen but to be honest often once you are in labour they go out of the window.

Midwifes are hospital are amazing and follow their lead.

Lastly I did this to get an idea of what happens - watch the channel 4 program one born every minute - learn more off that then anywhere

rach2713 Fri 29-May-20 16:36:41

I would write out your birth plan go over it with your partner so they can be on your side if you cant speak. Write if you want a tense machine at the start of contractions see if that helps if not you can ask for medication if your wanting a epidural put that in your notes or if your don't. Write if you want skin to skin straight away if its safe to or that you want baby clean before you hold baby. I have had for labours and they have all been different so I have just put in mine go with the flow but always refused an epidural but would only take 1 if it was needed in a emergency..

YakkityYakYakYak Fri 29-May-20 17:12:14

YANBU, but I’m more concerned that you haven’t had any appointments for most of your third trimester. Preparing for your first birth is daunting enough. But I’m sure your hospital midwives will take great care of you. I’d suggest doing some research about pain management options and having a think about what you would consider, it’s hard to ask all the right questions about risk/benefit in the moment. Other than that I’m not sure how helpful a birth plan will be to be totally honest.

Porcupineinwaiting Fri 29-May-20 17:17:03

The thinking and research that goes into a birth plan is useful but the plan itself isnt very. Make sure that you talk things through with your dh/birth partner so they can help advocate for you but be aware that what you want may not be possible (eg no water birth if all pools in use) or you may change your mind.

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 29-May-20 17:25:03

Your birth plan doesn't need to be definitive. Really simple stuff do you have a shortened name you prefer the midwives to call you - one friend has first name that can be shortened several ways and with her first the midwife used a shortened version she hated.
Would you like the baby wiped off body fluids before being passed to you.
If they are able to be with you does your partner want to cut the cord.
Then research pain relief don't rule anything out, but consider what you would like to try first.

SummerBaby2020 Fri 29-May-20 17:25:53

Hi op, I am 36+ 6 and I know exactly how you feel. I posted on another thread the other day the last time I seen my midwife was at 20 weeks and also when I called about a problem I was having the midwife had me in tears and was asked why I was upset did I not know there was a pandemic going on?? Oh and also did I google my symptoms hmm that’s probably what’s wrong!!

I am the same as you as in this is my first too and I feel totally unprepared for everything and so apprehensive about the birth as well!! I’ve researched all the pain relief options but I have medical conditions and I don’t know what I can have and what I can’t it’s such a horrible situation. Hope your birth goes well op and not long until your little one is here flowers xx

BertieDrapper Fri 29-May-20 17:28:51

Get the positive birth book. It's a must read, in my opinion, for all pregnant women.

She goes over pretty much every decision you could face in labour and how to write a birth plan.

X

SunbathingDragon Fri 29-May-20 17:34:24

A midwife has never gone through a birth plan with me either (I’ve had four babies) but considering you asked her, I think she should have been more helpful.

My top advice is to just go with the flow and decide whether you want your baby to have a vit k injection or have it orally (I’d recommend the injection). Even if you plan to have an elective section, it’s still not always possible to follow your birth plan and it does seem that those who have more detailed ones are often more disappointed because they feel something has gone wrong. The reality is that babies don’t read birth plans and have their own ideas about how things will go right from the start.

OrangeSlices998 Fri 29-May-20 17:37:22

Absolutely complain if you don’t feel you’ve had enough care. Pandemic or not, it’s shoddy to leave you feeling not cared for.

I second someone’s suggestion to look at the positive birth company, I did their online course and can’t recommend it highly enough, and had a great birth experience.

Good luck

Kiki275 Fri 29-May-20 17:57:42

I didn't go through the birth plan with my midwife, I understood that this was the reason for antenatal classes? To give an idea of what options were available and stages of labour etc.
She maybe should have discussed what the next steps were, if you were to go overdue however.
Good luck x

swimlyn Fri 29-May-20 18:17:04

Grandmi

I think your midwife needs to change careers!! Appalling service and quite scary for you .

Christ yes!

Sweeps def still happening 100%.

You get the good and you get the bad...

Pleasenodont Fri 29-May-20 18:19:52

I’ll be honest and say birth plans are kinda pointless anyway... Birth is unpredictable and you need to just be prepared for that. Go with a general idea of things you’d like but accept it may not go to plan.

Having said that, no appointment between 30 and 39 weeks is actually quite dangerous. You should have had at least one but probably two appointments in that gap to ensure your BP and urine was clear. My Nan lost her firstborn to pre-eclampsia and almost died herself, regular checkups are vital during the third trimester in particular. I’d complain about that.

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