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Surname after divorce

(105 Posts)
Sugarpie1 Fri 29-May-20 11:57:45

Hiya, this a general question about divorce and surnames. I got a diy divorce, specifically my then husband did all the paper work and just got me to sign on the dotted line. Fine. Got the decree absolute and put it away. This was over 16 years ago. I was using his surname and on the absolute it had my maiden name on it which I was planning to revert back to, but this in the end took me a few years to come round to do - I admit that it was a combination of dreading doing all the paperwork, the costs, probably a lot of denial. My question how long did it take you to revert back to using your maiden name after your divorce?

OP’s posts: |
Notadramallama Fri 29-May-20 12:04:15

immediately I was officially divorced. I didn't want anything to do with the cheating pos and couldn't wait.

Spacie Fri 29-May-20 12:06:59

I still haven't got around to it. (5 years) And now I will get a horrible blue passport if I do so I don't think it's going to happen.

chocolatesaltyballs22 Fri 29-May-20 12:07:59

I didn't, just because I have a daughter who obviously shares the same surname. But I got married again 7 years later and changed my name then. Daughter is 17 so it doesn't matter so much that she now has a different surname to me.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 29-May-20 12:08:31

Immediately, which was good, as I wanted to spit every time I signed stuff with his surname.

Spacie Fri 29-May-20 12:08:59

Also my maiden name is unique, I would be the only one in the whole country and I prefer a little bit of anonymity.

Sugarpie1 Fri 29-May-20 12:09:04

Spacie, can I ask on your decree absolute did it state your maiden name?

OP’s posts: |
Lhigg Fri 29-May-20 12:09:10

Im not changing back to my Maiden name.

My surname isn't his name. It's my family name. My kids name. It's been MY name for over a decade. I don't feel the need to change it.

I'll just be Ms. Xyz

maloofhoof Fri 29-May-20 12:09:18

Once my kids reached 16 and 18.

okiedokieme Fri 29-May-20 12:09:56

I'm not going to bother. Partly laziness and partly that during separation (we are doing diy and haven't bothered rushing) I have met someone else and unless things implode, we are likely to marry at some point and I'll change my name then.

notreallybotheredaboutausernam Fri 29-May-20 12:10:02

My ex was being a twat about the divorce so I changed my name by statutory declaration before we were divorced as I wanted rid of his name!

LtJudyHopps Fri 29-May-20 12:11:45

My Nan never reverted back. They split around 40 years ago don’t know when they divorced but she always kept the name.

RavenT Fri 29-May-20 12:11:47

5 years post divorce and still haven't changed my name back. After 2 years of forms and paperwork for the divorce I absolutely couldn't face it at that time. I use my maiden name at work, but everything official is in my married name and DS is questioning why I haven't got the same name as him. I think a DIY deed poll is the easiest way to do it, but just making a list of every company I would have to contact makes my heart sink...

flirtygirl Fri 29-May-20 12:12:25

Changed during the divorce.

Luckily kept driving licence in maiden name anyway. Bank accounts were half and half. Passports I stupidly changed to married name that same year to appease my husband who was affronted by not everything being married name.
Big mistake as such a hassle to change back. Also not big mistake as me and kids now all the same name for travel until I sort out their names on their passports.

Op 16 years is so long, either change it or forget about it as after 16 years does it really matter to you and if it does, why on earth has it taken so long?

Passport is the most expensive thing and 16 years ago was so cheap compared to now.. Driving licence does not cost much. Other places are just the cost of sending your decree documents and photocopies.

GinNotGym19 Fri 29-May-20 12:13:26

I’m in the midst of a divorce but planning to keep my name because my dd wants me to. I don’t see it as his name anymore, more their name.

Spacie Fri 29-May-20 12:13:35

@Sugarpie1 it's my married name on the decree

toomanyplants Fri 29-May-20 12:13:42

I didn't bother changing it back, and it's the same as my daughter, saw it more of a family name rather than "his"?
Heard via mutual friends that his girlfriend (of a few years) thinks it's height time I changed it, as I have no rights over it any more!
Means nothing to me, or him for that matter 🙄

ravenmum Fri 29-May-20 12:14:40

Kept mine for work. Was bad enough when I changed my e-mail address and informed all my customers well in advance - some still thought I'd retired...

Vanillarose1 Fri 29-May-20 12:14:47

I changed my name as soon as I initiated the divorce - so 6 months before it came through. I couldn't bear to share a name with him as he is an embarrassment to the human race. I did worry about not having the same name as my children but they quickly got used to it.

I chose my Mum's maiden name - I didn't want to go back to my maiden name as it felt like a step backwards, this way I got a fresh start but linked with my heritage (plus it was more glamorous wink)

slipperywhensparticus Fri 29-May-20 12:15:45

It's not his name its mine I'm keeping it

Sugarpie1 Fri 29-May-20 12:18:50

I guess I am trying to say that, I only recently looked at my decree absolute, ie properly reading it, and it says that I will not be using his surname from the time of the divorce. And it states my maiden name. I didn’t actually realise that he had ticked that box. I was planning to stop using his surname but like I said it took a few years for a million reasons. I am just a bit worried that I did something wrong.

OP’s posts: |
Carolebaskins Fri 29-May-20 12:20:30

I changed mine by deed poll a week after I found out he was cheating.

FrogFairy Fri 29-May-20 12:21:12

I kept his surname as I wanted still have the same name as my child.

16 years later, I wish I could revert to my maiden name but can’t face the hassle changing driving license, bank accounts, work log ins etc.

Pieceofpurplesky Fri 29-May-20 12:25:05

I have kept my married name officially as it makes it easier when going abroad with DS. Also at work. Everywhere else I use my maiden name.

Changing my lifelong identity in the first place is something that would never even have occurred to me. People make different choices and obviously not everyone feels the same. Fair enough. That isn't the issue I'm picking up on here though, which is this:

Why would anyone willingly refer to their original family name as the hideously sexist, antiquated concept of a 'maiden' name? Imagine a male accepting for one minute that his name could be an indication of his sexual maturity or otherwise. It defies logic altogether. I'm married. I'm no longer a virgin. My family name is absolutely not my 'maiden' name. It's my name.

It's a truly repulsive term.

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