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To want to run away?(9 Posts)
Namechanged for this. One of my cousins has been mentally and emotionally abusing me for years. When we were both at school, for the first 2 years, I didn't dare have friends as they would bully them and cut me off. At the same time, I was told that they didn't hang round with "children like you" so I was cut off from people until my third year when they left to go to college. Any friends I made after that point they continually attempted, and often succeeded in cutting me off from them.
Normally I try and ignore their comments, but every so often, I have snapped. At that point, I'm accused of being difficult, the rest of the family on that side gets called in to back them up (and always does). I get accused of lying when I try and explain why I've kicked off and shouted at them to leave me alone. On one occasion, they dragged me out of my house and pushed me against the wall. When I tried to push them away, I was accused of assaulting them.
I was once called horrible for losing my temper with them when they were sending texts and continually calling me when I was preparing for, on my way to and during a job interview (phone was switched off during interview). It's been worse since my parents passed away (the only family who ever sided with me) as I now have no one to turn to.
My physical and mental health has become so bad that I'm no longer able to work, which just makes things worse for me.
Their parents live on the same street and, until lock down, they were regular visitors to their parents. I've strangely enjoyed lock down as I've felt safe in a strange way, knowing they haven't been calling round. I'm normally scared to leave the house in case I run into them.
They are blocked on social media and I may have told a little white lie a while ago and said my phone was broken after I changed my number (no one on that side of the family has my new number and none of them need it).
I'm at the point now where I know that the visits to their parents are going to start up again and I'm going to be back at square one.
I can't currently afford to move away or I would have done so. I do sometimes consider just getting into the car one night and doing a runner, as unreasonable as I know it probably is.
Is it unreasonable to just want to run away from it all?
I guess it is unreasonable. Just wanted to get it off my chest how I've been feeling.
It's not unreasonable at all. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Especially alone. I can completely understand why you're enjoying lockdown. It's hard to give advice for this but I hate how much of an impact this is having on your life.
Do you know why this all started? Why your cousin and that side of the family are treating you this way?
I hope you're ok x
@Peachy92 I wish I knew. It's just always been that way. They are a couple of years older than me and I have wondered once or twice if it was because of jealousy, but they aren't like this with my other cousins, so I really don't know. The rest of the family just see them as being the oldest of the children and so they can't do any wrong.
At the moment I'm coping, but I'm dreading Monday (or sooner if they decide to disregard the rules).
How awful for you. Do you have any evidence of the things they've done so far? Any nasty messages or anything at you can use? I don't know what's required to get a restraining order but I think that's worth looking into. No one should have to live like that.
@Cam2020 I do have some screenshots of messages. Unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, they are tame compared to what goes on verbally. If people saw the messages, they would say I was exaggerating things.
One of my GPs referred me to a service that gave me some advice. It basically came down to phoning the police every time the cousin comes round trying to abuse me. As I explained, the only problem with that is they then play the victim to both the police (only checking up on my cousin while visiting my parents because I care about my family) and the rest of the family. Which would lead to me needing to phone the police again due to further harassment from the rest of the family.
I don't think you need proof of anything for a restraining order, I believe you can pay to have one - around £50 if memory serves correct. But they will be notified obviously so it depends if you're happy to burn bridges. That's probably why there's not a lot of advice on this I'm afraid. It's either good your ground and ignore what you can and remain part of the family. Or burn all the bridges with a RO and move when you finally can. You shouldn't have to make a choice like that but you do need to put yourself and your life first
*stand your ground.. blooming autoincorrect 🙄
@Peachy92 It is where the problem lies. When I spoke with the charity, I was told that, because it was a cousin, they weren't classed as close family so I couldn't take out a non-molestation order. Interestingly, I've just looked on the women's aid website as the government website classed aunts and uncles as close family, and women's aid include first cousins (which is what my cousin is). I'm going to send an email to them to get confirmation.
I do seem to need to know my cousin's address (which I don't have, nor do I want to know) to apply for one, so may just wait it out until I can afford to move. There is no way that, once I move, any member of my family on that side will be getting my new address.
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