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To be struggling to carry all the workload?(11 Posts)
DH is struggling with work, currently on 4 days pay with 6 days + workload, with no light at the end of the tunnel. As a result very stressed. I'm still working full time (on full pay)
DH WFH and I have just gone back into the office Flexi (1 hr commute)
I've always carried more of the workload than DH because I've been at home while DH traveled with work. If he was away I didn't want our little time together to be absorbed by housework. I never wanted a cleaner, been through years of IVF and frankly all the extra cash we had went into that black hole.
However I'm now struggling. DH will cook but does the bare minimum around the house because 'he didn't know that needed doing' 'he's too busy' etc etc Washing will be left outside for days if it was up to him, he just wouldn't think to take it in. Dishes left on the side rather than empty the dishwasher. (It's quicker for us to do it together when I'm back from work)
I completely understand he's stressed and I don't want to burden him but I'm struggling with the workload. I'd love to wake up on a Saturday to a clean house. Not a to do list as long as my arm .......
Presumably he has a big important job, so isnt a complete fuck wit, he just chose to act like one when it comes to housework.
I'd just be washing my own clothes, eating at work if possible and taking myself off to do my hobby / read a book in bed to avoid all the mess.
Go on strike, or put up with it. Can't see another option really.
Why don't you want a cleaner? Would he want to get one?
How much work is there to do? Do you have very different standards of housekeeping to each other?
There may be bigger problems and he sounds a bit lazy but he sounds overworked and stressed and you day he does cook.
I never understand people only doing their own washing. I don’t have anywhere near enough clothes to wait till I had a full load to do. But if doing less would make you feel better then of course it’s worth a go. Not sure now is the time though.
Got back from work at 7. Washing still out, bin still out - it's dark. No ideas or thoughts on dinner. It's up to me to sort it out.
There isn't a huge amount but it's a lot for one person, plus work. (12 sets of gym clothes a week, before anything else)
He didn't even get up when I got in to offer me a drink. While he was sat on the sofa with a beer.
I don't want a cleaner, we shouldn't need one if we both pulled our weight equally.
Don't do his washing, let him do it himself. Cook very simple food for you, egg on toast, fishcakes and salad, that sort of thing.
Is he really working long hours, or is he hiding away in his office, pissing around on the internet?
Go to put something in the bins - full
Go to rinse a glass - stuff in the sink
Go to put something in the dishwasher - clean and not emptied
So I should just ignore all of that ...
It is hard, but it does need to be done. Only when it impacts him will he accept it's important.
You need to find a way to skirt the hassle it causes you long enough for it to bother him. So feed yourself something simple, wash and put away your own post. Leave what he has left.
Write him a list, he knows what needs to be done but he can't be arsed and feels like the excuse of oh I didn't know is a fair one.
To be honest, two people working long hours doesn't leave a lot of time for fun and chores.
Ask him when 'we' are going to do the housework. Then wait until then to do it. Do it together.
Also find ways of making it more efficient. 12 sets of gym clothes?! Can't you rewear anything? It's all synthetic so dries quickly, give yours a rinse in the sink, hang it up.
Pick a glass and mug. They are your glass and mug, reuse them. They only need a rinse between uses.
I agree with previous posters,you definitely need to stop doing things for him, but HE also needs to decide on how to get a better work- life balance. Is the 4 days pay for 6 days work a temp thing or is it likely to carry on for the foreseeable? It's not a healthy way to live and your DH needs to set some boundaries with work,and that may involve a conversation with his boss.
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