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Is this the sign of a narcissistic mother?

(37 Posts)
ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 18:59:25

1. Getting drunk when you have a primary school child even if you know said child doesn't like you drinking.
2.When said child is an adult, hating the e.g. daughter's partner and trying to make daughter feel guilty,
3. After daughter has been in relationship with partner for a while - saying to daughter "I'll emigrate - if daughter announces were to announce a pregnancy even though daughter is 25 and lives independently.
4. When daughter lived at home as a young adult, making daughter cry over constant pressure because she hates daughters boyfriend and then in response to her daughter's tears says "I may as well go. I'm just upsetting everybody.
5.Mum, her husband (daughter's dad) and (now adult) daughter live in city. While they live in the same house - mum suddenly announces "I want to go back to the rural area (60 miles away) I come from. I want to be on my own," this is said not within any discernible context
6. Kicks cat - family pet across kitchen floor
7. Hits 4 yr old daughter across face repeatedly.
8. Finds flimsy excuse to throw 17yr old daughter out of house in clothes she's stood up in (with nowhere to go) to 'teach her a lesson'
9. Mum openly says she wanted daughter to be an only child as she didn't want any jealousy between siblings.

These events were not in chronological order, just to clarify.

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ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 19:57:44


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GhostCurry Thu 28-May-20 20:05:14

Can you clarify point 3?

ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 20:07:58

GhostCurry - when my mum thought that at the age of 25 when I had a house with my partner of 6 years she says "If you're pregnant I'll emigrate"

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LouiseTrees Thu 28-May-20 20:10:31

Emigrate to be with you or emigrate to escape you? In any case, she sounds awful.

Socksontheradiatoragain Thu 28-May-20 20:11:09

You'll be better putting this thread on Relationships, OP.
I agree your mum sounds very narcissistic, and I am sorry you've had to live like this flowers

ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 20:14:36

LouiseTrees - emigrate to escape!

Thank you all for empathising with me. x

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ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 20:18:52

Other things are:
1. When I blatantly say I want to stay in my home town for university says in a stern voice "I think you're doing the wrong thing"
2. After I drop out of school at 17 - when a year later all my schoolfriends get their A level results in the August of that year - she says "I've been to church and everyone else got their A level results - how d'you think I feel?"
3. After leaving school I have 2 jobs (at 17) but drop out of A levels. One Sunday after church says a woman came up to her to say she was sorry to hear I'd left school. Mum comes back and my Dad says (about me) she's making the most of her current situation (i.e. having 2 jobs) and mum shouts "SHE'S TAKEN THE EASY OPTION AND YOU KNOW IT"
3. At 15 making me go and stay at her friends house in the holidays who I hardly know - she doesn't come.
4 Criticises my friends family for being uneducated

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Ginfilledcats Thu 28-May-20 20:32:48

Not narcissistic no, a bitch maybe!

Crispsnatcher Thu 28-May-20 20:36:11

Doesn't sound typically narcissistic. Sounds horrendously abusive though. Sorry to hear this.

monkeyonthetable Thu 28-May-20 20:40:17

Doesn't sound like a classic narcissist but dies sound absolutely monstrous and abusive. Could all be related to the alcoholism. The cruelty, the tirades, the bitchiness.

Mary46 Thu 28-May-20 20:41:11

Narcissistic I agree. Its all so negative or all about them. Op I find dont tell your mam too much thats how I deal with it. Draining though.

Terralee Thu 28-May-20 22:29:44

Kicks cat = evil woman

RochelleGoyle Thu 28-May-20 22:37:28


She sounds a lot like my mother, who was also a drinker with narcissistic and anti-social traits. At the end of the day, categorising her doesn't matter really - what matters is that you recognise that she's been horribly abusive and start finding ways to shield yourself. For me, I had to go NC for many years. flowers

ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 22:40:28

Thanks to everyone who has responded and sorry to anyone else going through anything like this. x

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WonderfullyaMummy Thu 28-May-20 22:44:44

Do you really think point 9 is bitchy? I've suffered terribly over the years due to my sister's jealousy of me and it's a large factor add to why I'll probably only have one child. I don't want history to repeat itself. Is that so bad?

Watermelon2019 Thu 28-May-20 22:49:42

I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and this all sounds very familiar to me.

I read a book called "healing the daughters of narcissistic mother's" and it genuinely changed my life for the better.

ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 22:52:07

WonderfullyaMummy - No - your choice to have one child is great if that's what you want. Being an only child can potentially be a great experience.
However, my parents' motivation for having one child is that one child is easier to control. That imo is the wrong motivation for having one child.
As I say, being an only child is potentially a great thing. The right reason for having 1 child is because you feel they can develop independence, as they don't have someone of their own generation to hand, and this can bring confidence/independence. Another great motivation for having 1 child is they can have a great and well rounded life and don't need a sibling.
Similarly, a great reason to have a sibling family is they can in a similar vein have a good life with siblings, and possibly learn to deal with children at a slightly different level of development from them. I think the wrong reason to have more than 1 is an insurance for loneliness - it isn''t - in adulthood siblings can sometimes go their separate ways

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ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 22:52:54

Thank you for all your book recommendations

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ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 22:54:15

WonderfullyaMummy - to be honest I can totally see your point with number 9 and I was wary about it before I even posted. I can fully see that as a standalone thing it's not a problem - but in my mum;s case it was part of her obsession to control.

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Mulhollandmagoo Thu 28-May-20 23:17:33

She sounds absolutely awful!!!! I don't know much about narcissists but there are plenty of people on here whom will be able to help you.

Do you still have a relationship with her? Because if you want to go no contact you can, you don't have to put up with this sort of treatment if you don't want to flowers what do you want the end result of this to be?

ThisNarcLark Thu 28-May-20 23:21:26

Mulhollandandmagoo - to be honest she did a while ago so I don't have to make that decision but I do spend a lot of time thinking about her past behaviour as I think it's given me a skewed perception of right and wrong.

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thatsallineed Thu 28-May-20 23:42:11

Never mind narcissism - some of that is physically abusive, with cruelty to animals thrown in.

She sounds plain evil, to be honest.

You don't have to put up with this any more. As others say, you are an adult, and if you don't want to see her ever again, you don't have to. flowers

Spodge Thu 28-May-20 23:44:23

Doesn't sound like textbook narc, but there is something wrong there for sure.

MissMarks Thu 28-May-20 23:48:25

I don’t think narcissistic is the right the right word. Over bearing, insensitive, pushy, unpleasant.

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