Long story short (I posted on the alcohol support topic in depth) but I am not originally from the UK but settled here about 10 years ago with my parents and DBro as they came for work.
DBro is living with my parents who are "functioning" alcoholics (they have been known to go 3-4 days at a time drunk) and he's utterly miserable. If he moves out he will be barely scraping by, he's got a small group of friends but no partner and all his friends are now settled with longterm partners in steady jobs and so on and I know he feels like a spare part sometimes.
He works with my DF and he's either working or gaming and isn't heading in any particular direction at the moment but I know that's also due to his current surroundings, he's down a lot and very negative, he has in the past dabbled in illegal substances and got into fights on nights out, he has also been suicidal.
He is really growing to hate my parents because of the way they are, my DGM and DGF (60s/fit and healthy/ v active and retired) have recently caught wind of the situation with my parents and have basically offered for him to move back to our home country, work here, have a room/part of their large 5 bed 3 bath house rent free, all meals cooked and groceries provided, provide him with a car and even pay for a course/university if he wants to do some part time studies whilst he works. They are putting no pressure on and say he's welcome to have his friends from the uk visit and stay in the house if they do and he can come and just try it for 6 months and see how he feels and if not he can return to the UK no questions asked.
They are not massively rich but are comfortable and retired and have no other family around so I can imagine they would enjoy the company too. They are trying to give him a clean slate and a better start, he's early 20s so he can easily establish a career in our home country, the economy over there is on the up and wages are now better and better vs living costs.
Down the line he would even be able to build his own property as my DGF has a few plots of building land and he would happily give one to DBro if he wanted it. He's likely to be unable to achieve this in the uk for the foreseeable future especially with the way things are for him at the moment.
I realise this is his decision in the end but he sometimes tends to let opportunities pass and then realise too late that he should've grabbed them instead.
He's a wonderful, bright, intelligent lad who has been completely trampled on over the years and is now very short sighted in what he thinks he can achieve in life and very downbeat and negative about everything. He lives in a not so great area with not so great people and he's beginning to conform to that way of life too.
I really want to talk to him and gently nudge him to take my DGPs up on this offer as I think it's a once in a lifetime and very few people ever get a chance for a fresh start like this.
Any suggestions on good arguments and how I could approach and have this conversation with a very stubborn person who is down and basically thinks "this is it for me" when he thinks about his future?
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To ask for advice on what to say to persuade my DBro to take this offer?
9 replies
lockdowngandt · 28/05/2020 17:29
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