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Reading Mumsnet causes compassion fatigue ?

(5 Posts)
1ForAllnAllFor1 Thu 28-May-20 13:39:28


Do you feel like reading peoples threads on Mumsnet especially relationship ones and AIBU causes you to burn out ?

How do you prevent that form happening ?

I’ve only recently realized that ever since I miscarried and came to Mumsnet for advice, I got so addicted and hooked to “helping out” and supporting others and felt like I didn’t want to read and run and leave someone else suffer behind a screen... it highlighted a lot of the issues I’m having in real life for me too, and I’m greatful for that because I tend to live in denial..

But I’ve been overwhelmingly struggling to stay positive ever since and I realised it’s because I don’t have a snooze button where I stop offering support/advice/reflect and that it should be in doses which is tolerable for me mentally.

I’m the sort of friend that everyone comes to for venting and I struggle to turn them away because they almost always come to me with a line of “this is extremely urgent.. you need to hear this and I feel selfish to not be there for them even when I’m struggling myself mentally.

I’ve recently learnt to tell a friend that “I’m
Feeling a bit low at the moment so can’t be much support and that I’ll call her when I’m able to be an active listener” and I was blown away with how easy that was.

And now I’m wondering how much of my positive energy was zapped form me because of reading people’s negative thoughts aired out on forums.

I’m wondering whether anyone had a similar experience and how they dealt with it.

Where’s the balance between too over invested in people’s issues and compassionately trying to support, while looking out for your own priorities and mental health ?

OP’s posts: |
zscaler Thu 28-May-20 13:43:51

YANBU, it can be a big emotional drain. I often deregister my account for a few weeks to get a break from it. I usually feel calmer and more upbeat when I’m not on MN (but then it lures me back in...)

NaviSprite Thu 28-May-20 14:13:12

I’ve been the same, first time when my twins were in NICU, the second time after I lost my third baby last year, it was a bit like “if I can help somebody out then my grief/stress/worry can be channelled to something positive.” Sometimes it does help but if you find yourself falling down the rabbit hole then step away for a bit and recharge, just as you have said you’ve started doing IRL. smile.

Also if it’s a topic you know will have a variety of opinions in the replies, some of which may be unpleasant to you, just read the OP and subsequent updates, don’t get sucked into a debate with other posters if you can help it.

Besom Thu 28-May-20 14:16:58

I"ve been on here for years and go on and off when I get fed up or it gets too much. It's usuly frustration with other people's lack of compassion that sees me off though.

1ForAllnAllFor1 Thu 28-May-20 15:19:01


Yeh I guess the threads I respond to are ones I resonate with. Sometimes they remind me of long forgotten issues.

The responses of people to these sometimes lack in so much compassion with to the OP or to the person mentioned on the thread and it does bring back old feelings about unresolved issues from the past and I get defensive - feel that these feelings are not acknowledged by the world of mumsnet and I wish I kept them buried..

OP’s posts: |

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