Hi,
I'm lost at what to do regarding my children and their care when with their father.
I've 2 DC, one 7yo and 3yo, and am in Aus. I split from ex 2 years ago and have come to an uneasy 50/50 arrangement over time, with no legal orders in place. The relationship wasnt great from day one but abuse ramped up once I was pregnant with our first, emotional and financial, breaking me as a person completely over the 9 years together. I am still scared of him and there is now only communication through text. Drop off and pick ups are from care/school only so no physical interactions.
To the issue -
Last year 7yo dc was suffering nightmares for a period of time. Investigating revealed that he'd been watching the show stranger things via YouTube on the ipad at his dads. Supporting this is artwork in his school books of the demogorgon monster. I tried addressing it with ex over text at the time and it was vehemently denied and abusive in responding. Unsupervised access to adult YouTube continues to this day.
I do have an iPad also, allow him access, but it has only games and epic reading app, everything else is passcoded and both adult and kids youtube blocked in browser also.
I've also given up begging him via text to please treat the nit infestation our children have been suffering for almost 6 months now. It's horrible. Every single time I get them back they're riddled with fresh lice and eggs. Its friday to friday swap and I just cannot get on top of them. I hate that every single visit is tainted on night one for not treating and on their last night again. It ruins our time together.
This current week of them in my care, 7yo again has nightmares, and again more drawings of the monster found in his school books. On top of this, it is causally mentioned by 7yo that "dad leaves me at home whilst he and x get fuel/shopping sometimes".
A few days of gentle queries has revealed that whilst not for long periods of time, it is frequent enough that 7yo confidently tells me they play minecraft on the computer or play the playstation while ex is gone.
He is a best an indifferent parent, devices do most for him. 3yo was bought her own ipad for xmas just gone and 7yo comments often that I wouldn't like how much screen time hes allowed at exs.
Overall they're not neglected in a sense of fed, warm and basics needs but wtf do i do about the youtube, nits and leaving at home??
I've already asked the school and day care if I can come in during their week with ex and treat the nits, and will start next week, but can I ask them to also look out for any other changes of behaviour or things the kids may mention?
I know a court order is needed but it's a minimum 6k just to get an arrangement before the courts and whilst working full time I also walked out of the house with only my clothes and car, and just cannot save that amount in less than a year, he destroyed my credit and he applied for legal aid and I am ineligible as only one party of a dispute can.
I want to ask the school and daycare just to keep an extra eye on them and why but is that unreasonable? Do I just report him to our services instead?
I know the post isnt greatly written, but please if anyone has advice on what to do or write I'd greatly appreciate it.
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AIBU?
To mention welfare concerns to the school?
8 replies
FanciestofPants · 28/05/2020 11:43
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