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Step son being sent to school while I'm 29 weeks pregnant

(205 Posts)
Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:38:10

So my partners ex has decided she wants to send DSS back to school next week for 2 hours over 2 days. She does not work and only wants to send him back for a bit of peace and for him to catch up with school work. As he is only 5 I'm preaty convinced he will not stick to social distancing
We have him every weekend and would have him in the week but we both are working full time (even though I work from home, it's a job where I wouldn't be able to have DSS here). AIBU not nor be happy with him going to school, mixing with others and then coming into our home? I finish for mat leave in 4 weeks then I'm happy for DSS to stay with us whenever he wants to and for as long as he wants to, I just really don't want him back in the school environment.

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NoHardSell Thu 28-May-20 07:41:12

Just got to put up with it, whether you like it or not. There's going to be a lot more of it to come as we change lockdown rules. If your partner was working outside the home anyway he is a much higher risk to you. There's still very little evidence that children spread it.

PotteringAlong Thu 28-May-20 07:43:46

So when can he go back to school then?

She’s not sending him “for a bit of peace”. He’s in reception or year 1, both year groups part of the phased return. He’s going back to school because he’s meant to be at school.

If his parents are happy it’s safe for him to return why shouldn’t he return?

PotteringAlong Thu 28-May-20 07:44:48

Also, you say she wants him to go to school to get on with his school work like this is a bad thing. You know it’s not, right?

justdontatme Thu 28-May-20 07:46:12

When would you like him to go back to school then?

Also, I don’t work, I would love my kids to go back to school because they are bored and lonely living like this. Nothing to do with me wanting a break.

Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:47:32

It's just the fear of him catching it and then spreading it on to me. Partner works outside the house but as a lone worker so has no contact with any one. He has the option to return to school its not manditory at present, and she has told us she wants to send him back to have a few hours peace .

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ScrapThatThen Thu 28-May-20 07:47:40

We're coming out of lockdown because the risks are reducing.

Crunchymum Thu 28-May-20 07:48:46

Her "not working" is not relevant, she is allowed to send her child back as he is in the year group set to return.

How comes you have him every weekend?

Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:48:49

I do get the bein behind on work, missing friends and needing the structure. I just fear for my unborn child and really at a loss of what to do for the best. Tbh the whole situation is just shit

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Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:49:44

@crunchymum we have always had him every weekend and for the week when one of us has leave from work.

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JingleCatJingle Thu 28-May-20 07:50:57

But the child has to go back to a normal life.

trinity0097 Thu 28-May-20 07:52:01

Read this. She is not breaking any of the 'rules'

MinnieMountain Thu 28-May-20 07:52:42

Does pregnancy increase your risk then?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of peace.

If it helps OP, none of the staff in DS's primary school who have been in to look after the vulnerable and key worker children have had symptoms.

PotteringAlong Thu 28-May-20 07:53:47

But you are also only 29 weeks pregnant. Look how different the world was 11 weeks ago. Think how different it will be in another 11 weeks.

So when should he stay off school until? After your newborns jabs? You’re talking October there and that’s just not a reasonable ask.

AnyFucker Thu 28-May-20 07:53:55

He has to stay off school for another 3 months because of you then ?

And after that, you will be anxious about him coming into contact with your newborn ?

So when does it stop ? Little children are missing out on normal socialisation in their formative years. It's not good for them. The risk is very, very low for you and you really do need to manage your anxiety around it

(and every one like you or we are never going to get this country out of the fucking massive looming recession we have coming)

Crunchymum Thu 28-May-20 07:54:01

Have to admit we were not sending out reception aged child back (school now isn't taking reception or Y1 anyway!) but my toddler's in the shielding category and I'm vulnerable.

What does your DP think? Also 2 hours over 2 days seems hardly work the risk and effort.

Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:55:20

I know she isn't breaking any rules

My midwife said from 28 weeks you are more at risk. I think this is more to do with chance of Labour and passing in the virus whilst giving birth.
I know teachers in 3rd trimester are advised not to go back to work.
I would just never forgive myself if anything happened to this baby where I could of prevented it.

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OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Thu 28-May-20 07:56:36

How do you get your shopping?
How does mum get her shopping?
Pregnant women don’t need to shelter.

Sangelina Thu 28-May-20 07:57:31

Well you can prevent it, can't you. Temporarily live somewhere else, like thousands of others have had to. There is nothing wrong with wanting a could of hours of peace. When your baby is that age, you'll realise what a sanctimonious nob you sound like.

Grobagsforever Thu 28-May-20 07:58:18

Look, if you are really against it then offer to have your step son during the week so she can have her peace.

And yes, you can mind a child while doing a difficult job from home, I've been doing it for weeks

Or you could ask your midwife for the actual scientific evidence that you are more at risk as a pregnant person, because so far, there isn't any.

PotteringAlong Thu 28-May-20 07:59:09

I would just never forgive myself if anything happened to this baby where I could of prevented it.

Risks and balances though isn’t it? Are you planning on driving in a car with them? Because that’s a lot more risky that the chance of them being ill from COVID 19 as a small baby.

Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 07:59:48

Alright calm down. Only wanted advice not abuse. Yes I'm a first time mum, yes I'm anxious as this is a very much wanted rainbow baby and I'm worried about risk, that does not make me a bad person!!!!. Oh and the first thing i did have was offer to go and stay somewhere else

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Hercwasonaroll Thu 28-May-20 07:59:57

So don't see him for months then. People have gone deranged over this whole thing. 1 in 1000 people (approx) currently have it in the population. The chance of catching it is TINY.
The chance of serious complications is small unless you are over 65 (unlikely as you're pregnant).

Use this as an opportunity to learn how to live with the virus and strict handwashing etc.

TitianaTitsling Thu 28-May-20 08:00:14

That 2 hrs can give the little boy contact (socially distanced of course!) with his friends, teachers and class work. Agree with AnyFucker when is this going to stop!

Feelthefear01 Thu 28-May-20 08:01:14

@growbagsforever the midwife is the one that told me not to come in contact with anyone im my household as of 28 weeks

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