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Parents of teens. Do you stay up to make sure they get off their phone?

(43 Posts)
HowFurloughCanYouGo Thu 28-May-20 07:05:22

DS isn't allowed his phone in his room. He would be on there all night.

His phone goes into the living room at 10.30pm

We can't trust him to do this himself because he will give it a good bash but it's 11pm before he knows it, he isn't checking the time.
Plus, he could tell us he always puts it down at 10.30 but how would we know if we are asleep? Do DH or I have to stay up until that time and we are old and tired, get up early for work or a million times to toddler DC.

Are we going about this wrong?

I'm open to suggestions. What does everyone else do?

I could arrange the internet to be switched off at 10.30 but that's annoying for rare nights DH wants to stay up late watching his programme, plus DS will just play on games that don't need internet connection.

OP’s posts: |
LockdownMayhem Thu 28-May-20 07:11:50

My dad is only 11, so this might not be suitable depending on how old your teen us, but we have Google family link installed on our phones which means I can control hers from mine and we have 'bedtime' set from 7pm to 7am, so she can't do anything on it between those times (except use the phone, I guess for emergencies, but she doesn't tend to do that anyway).

LockdownMayhem Thu 28-May-20 07:12:09

*my DD, not my dad!

HowFurloughCanYouGo Thu 28-May-20 07:14:18

That would just be for the internet wouldn't it?
He could still use his phone for games that don't need internet?

OP’s posts: |
solittletime Thu 28-May-20 07:16:38

12yr Old. We stipulate a time depending on the day. If it was a productive day, with mixture of helping /reading etc more leeway to chat to friends until late. If been on phone a lot for whatever reason then 9pm.
In any case phone goes to bed with me.
One night this week I stayed up late to be nice ( all other friends seem to be allowed it all night) as they were having a movie watching sleepover thing but I took it at 11:30 couldn’t stay up any longer!!!

LockdownMayhem Thu 28-May-20 07:18:19

No, it's not just the internet, it locks the while phone down and it would need to be unlocked from a parent phone to get it to work again. They can make calls though to someone in their address book or an emergency number.

emodi Thu 28-May-20 07:18:27

My dad has an iPhone and I parent link it so it goes off at 11pm can only use calls and messages till 7am in the morning . I can control that from my phone there are other apps you can buy which have more security and are unbreakable I can ask around for that if you want . He is 14. I think there is no point staying up to make sure he’s off it life is too short.

Pashola Thu 28-May-20 07:18:56

We currently do the same. My DS15 is supposed to put his down around 11pm but he would most likely stay on it all night if I didn't check. It may seem early for some 15yo's but he's one that needs his sleep and it goes down later on weekends.

I usually just stay awake reading until he brings it in, which I would be doing anyway, it's more annoying on the nights that I want an early night and my DH is always asleep before me so it's usually me staying awake.

HowFurloughCanYouGo Thu 28-May-20 07:19:27

@LockdownMayhem I looked at the google and downloaded it but it won't let me set up a google account for him because he's not under the age of 13. But I can't continue without making him a google account. confused

OP’s posts: |
CrazyTimesAreOccurring Thu 28-May-20 07:23:53

Mine put it in my room overnight

emodi Thu 28-May-20 07:27:41

Sorry meant to write my son has an iPhone

allyouneedis Thu 28-May-20 07:27:52

My two, 17 and 15 keep them in their rooms. 15 year old goes to bed at 10pm and his phone is on the floor next to his bed as he uses it for an alarm. I check in on him when I go to bed and have never caught him on it. 17 year old is usually an early bedder and is asleep before we go to bed most nights.

Jeezoh Thu 28-May-20 07:32:36

Check his screen time the next day to see when he stopped using it (assuming he has an iPhone) - if you can’t trust him with it, he hands it over whenever you go to bed.

emodi Thu 28-May-20 07:33:31

Apparently there is an app also called google family link which you can use to control the phone till they are 13. It works for both android and Apple phones

hope40 Thu 28-May-20 07:34:12

Interested in advice on this, as we're thinking of getting our daughter a phone ahead of September when she starts year 6 (she'll be walking to school and back by herself then, most of the kids round here get their first phones for year 6 for that reason).

It's bad enough getting her off the games she plays on the iPad now, imagine even worse when she gets a phone - she'll be texting and WhatsApping her friends til god knows what time. I'm pretty clueless with technology so will have to do some reading up on these suggestions blush

manitobajane Thu 28-May-20 07:35:02

No, mainly because he refuses to be parted from it. I've picked my battles hmmconfused

LockdownMayhem Thu 28-May-20 07:36:15

So my DH set ours up, but I just had a quick look online and it looks like they will need a Google account, but because he's over 13, you possibly can't do this for him, as once they are over 13, they are able to disable the settings if they wanted (although you would be notified). Sorry, I didn't realise this when I suggested it.

I guess you could still use it, but he would have to set up the account and would have to agree to your conditions for using it.

Charles11 Thu 28-May-20 07:39:10

Ds is 15 and leaves his phone downstairs on the charger before going to bed. He’s never been allowed to keep his phone in his room overnight and hasn’t asked yet or try to sneakily do it.
This means he actually still reads before bed so while he’s doing his GCSEs, this rule will stay in place.

horseymum Thu 28-May-20 07:40:23

Google family here, still works after age 13. Can set a bedtime but add bonus time if needed. Can see what they have been on each day. I set it at three hours per day but he gets more added if he has run out but is going to phone friends, do swift etc. It normally goes off at 9 pm. I would rarely say no to extra time, it just helps him think about it a bit more .

JoMow Thu 28-May-20 07:44:13

We use Qustodio, which is a parental app that can easily turn on and off your children's access to the internet. They are 12 and 14 and during school it would normally go off by 8.30 / 9.00 at the very latest. During school hols we allow until 10 pm - as long as they have had some outdoor time and done things that don't involve the screen. They have got so used to the app (lots of complaints initially) that there are barely any arguments anymore about having a break from screen time and they have had the message drummed into them about plenty of sleep for their wellbeing and concentration. The last thing they need at their age particularly is stimulation before bed time. The app cost us £35 for the year and it's been a huge help. The moans and protests at the beginning were worth it in the end! So even if we forget to take their phones out of their bedrooms, it doesn't matter, as they have no access anyway.

bumblingbovine49 Thu 28-May-20 07:44:50

Looking for.ideas. DS ( 15) has been taking the phone back upstairs in the night and recently I noticed he had left only his vase downstairs!
He has been leaving his phone downstairs at 10.30pm on weekdays since he was 12. He has started to sneak it upstairs constantly in the last 6 months ( started pre lockdown). It is an exhausting fight.

Love51 Thu 28-May-20 07:45:11

Change the rule from 10.30 to 10pm? He'll sleep better if he doesn't go directly from screen time to bed.

Inoneminute Thu 28-May-20 07:45:30

The phone stays downstairs and DSs are not daft enough to "cheat". They might get away with it once or twice but they known the consequences when they get caught and wouldn't risk it.

You can't micro manage it, you have to trust them and then deal with it if they break the trust.

Actually mine are 17 & 19 and both working FT now so what they do with their phones is their business but this is how we dealt with it until c. 16yo.

bumblingbovine49 Thu 28-May-20 07:49:02

We have taken to shutting down our entire broadband between midnight and 6am ( good for us too and a compromise so at least he can't use most screens durring those hours)but he just uses his data on his phone I think .We are going to stop paying for that soon if he doesn't stop sneaking it upstairs at night

Greenvalleymama Thu 28-May-20 07:49:54

I cut the WiFi at 10pm to all devices except our phones, but screen time and bedtime is an ongoing problem. Interested to hear everyone else's solutions.

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