To ask if you had a talkative DC, did it impact them socially?

[MumNeedsTea]

I usually don't post in AIBU, so please be kind.

I have a 7 yo DC who literally never stops talking!! I know children sometimes love to talk, but I've never met another child who talks as much. Some my friends and his friends' mums have also commented on it in the past. Nothing nasty, but something along the lines of 'do you ever get a word in edgewise with him around!?' kind of comments.

He won't even sit quietly when he's watching TV... There's always a constant commentary about what's going on! Same when he's playing a game. If I have to hear about what's happening in Minecraft one more time, I'll go mad!

I was just wondering if you've had such a DC and did it get better over time? And if not, did they have issues maintaining friendships? If I find him irritating at times, I worry how he must come across to his friends. He has some really good friends and in some ways being talkative makes him more social, but I worry for when he's an adult continues the same behaviour.
He also has this thing about not stopping once he starts. Like he'll start telling me something and I'll ask him to wait if I'm in the middle of something.. He'll say OK, but still continue. Almost as if he really hasn't registered my request. And he loves repeating instructions!

Maybe it's just this bloody lockdown that's making me question all this. If you've managed to get this far, thank you

[GobletOfIre]

He’s still pretty young. Is he an only child?

It might be worth you calmly following up with - no, I told you I need to do this now.

It takes a while to sink in. I have two boys and sometimes I need to be very clear. Note this is not me being cross, this is drawing boundaries.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

I thought my DS was in bed, how come he's at your house?

[SomeoneElseEntirelyNow]

Id be more concerned by the not stopping when asked to stop than the talking, tbh. That isn't just annoying, it's bloody rude, and certainly won't stand him in great stead. I'd nip that in the bud asap.

[VladmirsPoutine]

He's only 7!!! Plus it's lock down which means he's only got you and his dad (presumably?)

I reckon a lot of kids go through a bit of a phase like this but as he's 7 I'd only encourage boundaries - i.e. listening to you when you say "just let me do xyz, I'll be right back" than just trying to silence him and indeed tell him you do need some peace and will have a chat at 5pm or whatever.

Nothing to worry about if it's just cabin fever! I'm sick of my sister's voice and we're a good 3 decades in!!

[lljkk]

Does he talk constantly around other people?

DS never stops talking when with me but he's pretty quiet around most people.

[MumNeedsTea]

Jesus I'm glad I'm not alone!

@GobletOfIre No I have another 3 yo DS who is starting to love the sound of his own voice too!! I already do what you're suggesting, but I tend to get cross.. Maybe I need to be calm but more affirmative.

Thanks!

[Franticbutterfly]

I always think that it's the more intelligent children who talk more. My 9 year old doesn't stop, but she has a lot of interesting ideas and thoughts. Dd12 barely says a word, never appeared to have many thoughts. Dd2 takes after me, the other her father. 😂

[MumNeedsTea]

@lljkk yes he sometimes talks constantly even around other people. People who've met him only a few times always comment on how social and confident he is.. That obviously wears off when they meet him more often

[MumNeedsTea]

@Franticbutterfly he has always been ahead in school in both English and Maths.
It's the social aspect that concerns me...

[PragmaticWench]

Do you think it's possible to teach him social skills, i.e. when to let others talk, when to hear 'no'? I'm asking as DD has some autistic-like traits (but does not have autism) and with a lot of help is slowly learning social skills in these areas. She's a non-stop talker. I also have adhd I think, and I was like this as a child. I struggled in the teen years with not knowing when to listen rather than talk.

[Mumteedum]

@MumNeedsTea my ds is 8 and exactly the same. I've realised in the last year that he has asd (aspergers). I do have to ask him to stop sometimes to give my ears a rest (!) and get him to think about others to help him socially. I can't tell him off though.

I've had young adult students who are the same. I'm lecturer so it can be challenging to manage but they're usually lovely and it's a question of helping them to realise there are other people who have things to say too.

[Thighdentitycrisis]

This was my DS now 25 and will still do it if he gets the chance

He was an only child with a lot to say, I’m more introverted.

He has a close circle of friends now but didn’t start to make friends until he was about 12.

[Thighdentitycrisis]

@Mumteedum
Mine was also diagnosed with Aspergers but now claims he was just weird as a child!

[thistimenextmonth]

My 10yo dd used to be like this and I worried about her socially as she just didn't let anyone else get a word in! She also used to speak to literally everyone we saw about everything which was quite embarrassing at times. She has grown up so much in the past couple of years and has more awareness of others thoughts and opinions. She still can't help but tell me all about her games but I admit I sometimes glaze over when she does 🙈 I'm sure he will be fine and he and his friends will work it out together 👍

[MumNeedsTea]

@PragmaticWench @Mumteedum yes we are trying to teach him listening skills. This is something that even his teacher has mentioned.. Usually when she's helping other children, DS will interrupt to show her his work that's usually the only improvement they ever mention for him - being quiet!

It's interesting that you've mentioned Adhd and ASD. Earlier this year year, DS started learning a musical instrument and after the 2nd lesson, the instructor asked if DS has Adhd, because he kept interrupting so many times during the lesson. I didn't think of it much back then as it was just one person's opinion and neither his teacher nor his childminder has ever mentioned anything (given how much time they spend with him). Maybe I need to look into this further?

[snappycamper]

I always think that it's the more intelligent children who talk more.

[snappycamper]

My sister was like this as a child, she always had friends.

As an adult she is utterly self absorbed and appears to have few friends. She's difficult to tolerate, my parents never told her to stop talking.

[MumNeedsTea]

Also, DS has quite a few close friends from school and is frequently invited for play dates. He's also kind and considerate and usually the first to know when I'm upset about something.. So in that sense he's socially aware.

[FizzyPink]

This was my sister, I used to hate going to the cinema with her as she’d constantly reiterate any jokes that you’d literally just watched.
She’s highly intelligent and always had lots of friends although is now a moody teenager who doesn’t like speaking to anyone so there is light at the end of the tunnel

[MumNeedsTea]

@snappycamper that's my biggest worry!

[MumNeedsTea]

@Turnedouttoes

[Igotta]

BIL is like that. He's a fucking nuisance. DH said no one ever told him to shut up when they were young.

You can't watch a film without him ruining it, any meals out are just him talking at us, it's relentless and tiresome.

I think if one of mine did it I would be saying it's nice go hear what you've got to say but it's quiet time now. And repeat until there are comfortable silences too.

[Thatbitchcarolebaskin]

My DS (10) does not stop talking. He has a lovely group of friends so it doesn’t seem to impact him but I worry about my own engagement with him.

He drones on and on about the most boring subjects (mine craft and rubix cubes) and there’s only so much I can attempt to be interested before I completely zone out. It worries me that I seem disinterested!

[MumNeedsTea]

@Thatbitchcarolebaskin that's exactly how I feel!