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Are all sons mummy's boys?

(91 Posts)
Foodie28 Wed 27-May-20 18:59:53

So I wasn't entirely sure where to post this , I just need a rant really!

My question is are all sons mummy's boys? My boyfriend has lived with me for the past year, he lived with his mum before and so obviously they spent a lot of time together.

He still rings her like twice - three times a week but to her that's not good enough , whenever she answers she says comments like 'have you forgotten me?' Or 'is your phone broken?' I speak to my mum once a week and she doesn't get all funny with me if I don't call one week 😂

She has started giving him and me a bit of the cold shoulder recently we'll actually it's been since we told her I'm pregnant (now 16 weeks) she doesn't ask how I'm getting along or how I am whenever he does speak to her, now I've spoke to a few of my friends about it and they think she's bitter because I've 'taken' away her precious only son.

Can I ask for some opinions if anyone has had this? My partner is 30 by the way!!! 😂

OP’s posts: |
MouthBreathingRage Wed 27-May-20 19:04:15

Sounds like she’s possessive rather than he’s a mummy’s boy. And no, not all adult men are like this. My husband will speak to his mother once a month, and he even finds that a bit much at times. Different relationships and all that.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal Wed 27-May-20 19:05:36

No not all sons or mums are like that. But calling 3 times a week isn’t loads. Some families speak daily some monthly. Everyone’s different don’t compare what you do with your mum to what he does with his. But she shouldn’t be rude or cold
to you.

crispysausagerolls Wed 27-May-20 19:08:51

She might just be slightly unimpressed because after a short time together she assumes your pregnancy is unplanned?

I’m not a fan of the phrase “mummy’s boy” as it implies there is something “wussy” or wrong with a man having a close relationship with their mother. There isn’t.

However there are mother/son relationships which are overly codependent. But 3 times a week on the phone doesn’t sound like that to me.

WindsorBlues Wed 27-May-20 19:09:06

My brother is but my husband isn't.

MamaDane Wed 27-May-20 19:09:12

My mum was same with me (until fairly recently lol) and I'm a woman.

pigsDOfly Wed 27-May-20 19:10:21

No they aren't. I have more communication with my son's soon to be wife than I do with him.

Sounds more like she's possessive and actually not a very pleasant person.

YouJustDoYou Wed 27-May-20 19:11:15

No. I don't know any who are.

Destroyedpeople Wed 27-May-20 19:11:31

My son phones about 3 times a week and tells me he loves me when he rings off. ..am I a bad co- dependent person?

recklessruby Wed 27-May-20 19:12:02

I have a ds who is 32. He has moved back in with me and openly admits he likes living at home.
We get on really well together but I wouldn't call him a mummy s boy. He s had relationships where he s moved out and lived with partners but we ve still been close.
If my ds was in your ds s situation I would stay in touch but give them space and obviously I would be interested in my grandchild and their mother but not pushy (never gonna happen by looks of it. He s setting up his own business which involves a lot of travel...or will do when covid s over)

Destroyedpeople Wed 27-May-20 19:12:45

On the other hand there have been weeks go by with no word...it's this lockdown making him bored and worried.

RossPoldarksWife Wed 27-May-20 19:13:31

Nope, my son isn’t. He’ll always be there for me and help me and his little sister whenever he can. He’s not a mummy’s boy, just a kind considerate son.

Foodie28 Wed 27-May-20 19:14:04

I agree with the possessive! And to be honest she isn't a very nice person , unless it's just me that she doesn't like 😂 when I first met her she didn't really make much effort whereas I was trying my upmost hardest to! But to be fair some of his family have said she has a few social issues so I'll take it on the chin. She deffo can come across as quite rude but I just try to ignore it, our pregnancy was planned , our relationship moved quicker than normal but we're both very happy and surely his mother should be happy for us

OP’s posts: |
MarshaBradyo Wed 27-May-20 19:14:23

No not ime

ILiveInSalemsLot Wed 27-May-20 19:14:48

Dh speaks to his parents every 2 or 3 days. He is not a mummy’s boy but just a caring decent person and checks in on them.
His parents are lovely and very independent although we do their shopping for them currently.

I call my mum most days, message my sister several times a day and message the rest of my family several times a week

emmathedilemma Wed 27-May-20 19:15:51

I think it’s a family thing. I have friends who ring their parents (or vice versa) without fail every day and they’d worry that something was wrong if they didn’t. And then there’s our family who can go for 2 weeks without a phone call and then my mum might text!

Iloveacurry Wed 27-May-20 19:16:39

I bet she’ll be all over the baby like a rash when he/she arrives!

Alonelonelyloner Wed 27-May-20 19:18:00

My DP speaks to his mum very day nearly and he loves her and she's great. I love the fact he loves his mum as it shows he's a loving man.

I don't feel threatened or bothered about it. She's important. She's his mum.

Also I have sons and they tell me they love me and I know they do. They complain I don't call them enough!

LagunaBubbles Wed 27-May-20 19:18:36

I hate how the term "Mummy's boy" seems to be applied at times here on MN to men who still have a relationship with their Mum when DIL clearly has an issue with this.

AliasGrape Wed 27-May-20 19:22:13

DH speaks to his mum most days. It’s fine, I spoke to my mum every day too and now she’s no longer here I’m glad I did. It’s nice they’re close, although she drives him mad because she takes an hour to say what could be said in ten minutes, and she’s normally calling about something she can’t do either on the computer or her phone.

If your other half is a good partner and speaking to his mum isn’t affecting your relationship in any way then I’d just leave them to it. It’s a shame she’s not more welcoming and warm towards you, but you may just need to take that on the chin. If she’s outright rude to you though or actually causing issues then you should expect your boyfriend to speak up and make it clear you are a team and you won’t put up with that.

crispysausagerolls Wed 27-May-20 19:22:31

@lagunabubbles

Me too

Foodie28 Wed 27-May-20 19:24:18

I don't have a issue with it all but thanks for your concern!

Yes me and my partner are very happy and secure in our relationship so I'll just take the advice and let them carry on as I don't have a problem with it smile

OP’s posts: |
TangibleTuTu Wed 27-May-20 19:25:54

I think it's very common for women to butt heads with their MIL. Women are usually the ones that create the culture of their nuclear family, it's a sphere where women do feel some control and power. When we have different family cultures a power struggle can ensue and how well the son/husband navigates that is often the factor in terms of war and peace.

My own MIL has a strong personality, which I admire and she and my DH are very close, nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately she did have (probably unconscious as well as conscious) assumptions and expectations regarding our own marriage and new family. She seemed to think she would have a lot of say, and in fact we would be an extension of her own family with her in the center. So I had to put boundaries in and speak up for myself. I am sure it's not easy for my DH who is trying to please both of us. The issue regarding who has power when new families are formed is found all over the world and different cultures have different traditions, so it's not purely a personal issue if so many women struggle with this. It's the nature of family formation and perhaps that women don't have a lot of power and control outside the private sphere.

OtterBe4 Wed 27-May-20 19:28:56

He's not a mummy's boy, his mother is possessive, 3 calls a week and she making sarky remarks, ok crazy lady!
She'll be a pain in the arse interfering granny or completely ignore baby, it'll be one or the other.

Clymene Wed 27-May-20 19:29:10

There's no reason his mum should be pleased thar your relationship has moved quicker than normal. I wouldn't be for my daughter - actually alarm bells would be ringing. So no, I wouldn't be happy necessarily.

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