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‘SIL’ didn’t get me a birthday card?

(345 Posts)
jennywithaj Wed 27-May-20 18:45:26

I say SIL but it’s my brothers long term girlfriend.

I always buy her Christmas / birthday presents and cards but she never does back and all I ever get is a thanks over social media or a happy birthday over social media. This year was a special birthday for me and again she didn’t even get me so much as card and it’s really upset me. I’m not interested in gifts neither do I expect them but as I’ve done for her it would have been nice to have received even just a birthday card.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP’s posts: |
NuffSaidSam Wed 27-May-20 18:47:58

I would never get a card each for someone when I'm in a couple. You get one card from both of us.

Why do you think your brother didn't put her name on the card?!

CurtainWitcher Wed 27-May-20 18:48:15

Your her boyfriend's family, not hers.

Grow up.

formerbabe Wed 27-May-20 18:48:56


I know no one who buys their sil birthday presents or cards.

Why are you bothering? She clearly doesn't want to

Wagamamas Wed 27-May-20 18:48:58

Yabu its not important

strugglingwithdeciding Wed 27-May-20 18:48:56

Did your brother send one ?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Wed 27-May-20 18:49:52

Yanbu to be upset but she's made it clear she doesn't want to reciprocate, so in future you should make less effort for her. Did your brother get you something - is it likely that she considers it a joint gift?

Sparklesocks Wed 27-May-20 18:49:53

Did you brother send one? If so, surely it was signed from both of them?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Wed 27-May-20 18:49:54

She probably thought your brother stuck her name on his card, like normal couples do.


Fairenuff Wed 27-May-20 18:50:00

Surely the gift from your brother is from both of them?

PanamaPattie Wed 27-May-20 18:50:03

Did your brother get you a card?

Shopgirl1 Wed 27-May-20 18:50:16

I never get a card from my SIL

mbosnz Wed 27-May-20 18:50:42

Just don't bother again. You obviously share different expectations around this kind of thing. If either she or your brother kick off because you didn't, respond in kind.

HailHydra Wed 27-May-20 18:51:15

Did your brother get you one? She has no obligation at all

Strugglingtodomybest Wed 27-May-20 18:51:38

I've never thought of buying my SIL a birthday card, my name just goes on the card DH buys her. Have I missed a memo somewhere?

Thescrewinthetuna Wed 27-May-20 18:51:40

Stop buying her gifts. She hasn’t got you anything before so I don’t see why now would be different?

Ellisandra Wed 27-May-20 18:52:53

She’s not a card person. You know that. I’m sure if you didn’t send her one, she wouldn’t care. It’s YOUR choice to foist a card in her. You can’t force the burden of reciprocity (I think that’s a Sheldon quotation?!). She says happy birthday to you in her own way - via social media. I’d say 99% of my friends do that - and we’re 50s. You’re annoyed over nothing!

MouthBreathingRage Wed 27-May-20 18:53:00

Is this another reverse? Had so many recently....

DoesMaryNotDrive Wed 27-May-20 18:53:43

Stop getting her cards and gifts, she's taking you for a mug.

Don't make a big deal of it, say nothing to your partner, just quietly stop.

What happens at Xmas?

DoesMaryNotDrive Wed 27-May-20 18:54:22

Why would this be a reverse? confused

YinuCeatleAyru Wed 27-May-20 18:54:31

yabu I think. my siblings' spouses/partners only get a happy birthday from me on social media too, and that's all I expect from my spouse's siblings. we do give them a Christmas gift but disregard birthdays. if one of the these people decided to be all effusive and do more, then reciprocating would be problematic as there would be half a dozen other people I would have to do the same for to maintain parity and they would then be put in the same quandary with all their siblings in law too.

I don't think this is a relationship that warrants direct exchange of cards and gifts at birthdays. you should tone down what you do on her birthday to match what she is comfortable with.

ExtraOnions Wed 27-May-20 18:54:47

I buy my SIL a card and present, but they have been together donkeys years, her family live abroad and our kids are the same age - she’s more of sister.... we have been through a lot !

It’s my best mates birthday today, and I’ve not sent her anything (other than a text), we are floating this celebration until life is back to normal.

Dyrne Wed 27-May-20 18:55:00

As above - DP sends card, present etc to his sibling signed from both of us and I usually follow up on the day with a message via fb or WhatsApp. Surely that’s what most couples do?

Selfsettling3 Wed 27-May-20 18:55:03

Did your brother not add her name to the card he sent you? Unless the menz arent expected to send cards.

Ellisandra Wed 27-May-20 18:55:42

What did your brother get you?

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