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What relationship do you have with your cousins?

(203 Posts)
potentiallyoutting Wed 27-May-20 16:01:41

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP’s posts: |
BarbedBloom Wed 27-May-20 16:14:25

None really. I think this was because as kids we had to go round to my grandparents every weekend and we were all told to play together. There was a huge range of ages and as the oldest I ended up looking after them all, which I really resented. None of us have huge amounts in common and since our grandparents died, no reason to meet up.

Aweebawbee Wed 27-May-20 16:14:33

None. No relationship at all.

IHaveBrilloHair Wed 27-May-20 16:15:40

Vaguely see them on FB, that's about it and it suits me.

CocoR Wed 27-May-20 16:16:05

Zero. I'm FB friends with them and I wish them well, but I mostly hate the assumption that you must have a close relationship with someone based on circumstance, as opposed to affinity.

We're very different, we definitely wouldn't be close friends if we were not related. We have nothing in common really. We see them maybe once every other year.

Purpleartichoke Wed 27-May-20 16:16:28

None. I don’t live remotely near any of them. I basically only see them at funerals for our parents generation of the family at this point.

blondie87 Wed 27-May-20 16:16:52

One is my best friend, a couple I’m close to and some I don’t really see but not for any negative reasons, just distance/not much in common.

DDIJ Wed 27-May-20 16:17:02

None. My cousins are all very close to each other and have regular meet ups.

Standrewsschool Wed 27-May-20 16:17:51

None of my cousins live locally. We see each other at family events and exchange Christmas cards. Funnily enough, as we have got older, we’ve made more effort to keep in touch and see each other.

FraughtwithGin Wed 27-May-20 16:18:07

Generally a very good one, in fact one of them has just "discovered" me on WhatsApp.
Unfortunately all our recent meetings have been at funerals, but were jolly none the less.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 27-May-20 16:18:39

None on one side. My DF wasn't great at planning and arranging for us to do things with extended family. I think he is disappointed by my our lack of relationship, I think he thought it would just happen.

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 27-May-20 16:18:51

Really close to one set despite them living abroad and we only being able to see each other physically every couple of years - we would do anything for each other. Don’t care about the other set - if they dropped dead tomorrow I probably wouldn’t even care enough to go to the funeral.

Pipandmum Wed 27-May-20 16:18:55

Closer to some than others. We do not live near each other (spread out over five countries including Australia) but I'd say the three closest to my age I'm alright with. A few I wouldn't recognise if I met them in the street ( I met one for the first time when she came to my wedding- she also lives in another country so sweet she made the effort. I didn't invite her my mother did).

Anactoria Wed 27-May-20 16:19:11

I wouldn’t even recognise mine if we passed each other in the street. My mum had very little contact with her siblings after she moved out of her parents house.

Blurpblorp Wed 27-May-20 16:20:26

I have a mixture of relationships. The cousins we saw most as children I don't see anymore, and not fussed if I don't. Then there's a larger faction that we'd see rarely and I always thought they were cliquey and smug. FB friends and that's it. My two cousins on the other side of my family I completely adore. Brilliant people and definitely feel the family bond. Don't live near any of my cousins though know you do OP. Only thing you can do is consistently turn down invites and keep it to pleasantries if you bump into them. It doesn't need to be unkindly done, just professional and brief. Good luck!

Lima45 Wed 27-May-20 16:21:32

I've got lots of cousins. As a family our parents (the ones related to my mum at least) are all really close.

So I see them numerous times over the course of a normal year.

I'm close to some of them, less close to others, but when we were kids it was weird. It was like having a group of siblings without actually having siblings.

But yeah I'd say even with the ones I'm less close to I'm probably still.mich closer to them than people whose family's aren't as tight as mine.

This is not always a good thing by the way. I'm in my late 30s, and if I have a row with my mum I can be told off for it 6 months later if I haven't seen a certain aunt in that time.

speakout Wed 27-May-20 16:22:04

I don't even know their names or where they ive.

CoronaIsComing Wed 27-May-20 16:22:21

None with my dad’s brother’s children due to my dad finally disowning him.

Friendly but not close to my mum’s brothers’ children as one was born and lives in America and one lives is Devon. We try to meet up with the one from Devon once a year but I doubt we’ll see my other cousin unless we go over there.

DarklyDreamingDexter Wed 27-May-20 16:22:23

None really. I get a Christmas card from one of those I’ve actually met and I haven’t seen or heard from the others since my grandparents died over 20 years ago. I have at least 30 first cousins in total (parents both came from largish families) about half of whom I’ve never even met.

BrokenBrit Wed 27-May-20 16:22:56

Mostly limited to Facebook chats and comments now. I moved away from where we grew up.
When we were children I saw 2 sets of cousins frequently and considered them very close.

Sparklemummyx0x0x Wed 27-May-20 16:25:13

Meet up for family occasions. All on Facebook and 'Friends' with, and do the whole birthday comments, Christmas cards etc.
My auntie emigrated over 20yrs ago so don't see 2 of them.
Closer with my mums side and we see each other over more often.
There's a couple who I don't see from my dads side because of the adults falling out when I was younger. Shame really as it wasn't us kids fault. But still Facebook friends with cousins. They actually live close by too. Shame.

I do think it's easier these days to keep in contact.
Like my son and all his cousins are much closer because of easier communication than it was 30+ yrs ago.

ParkheadParadise Wed 27-May-20 16:26:13

I'm close to some of them. One in particular is just like a sister. Some I only see at weddings and funerals.
My mum was one of 10
My dad was one of 8
I've probably got about 60+ cousin's.

Watchagotcha Wed 27-May-20 16:27:47

None at all, nothing in common and we dong live near each other.

DH is the same, though his many cousins still mostly live where he grew up. He doesn’t like any of them tbh. His mum was one of five and I think the sibling rivalry was handed down.

In France a family reunion is called a “cousinade” or gathering of the cousins ;-)

Cosyjimjamsforautumn Wed 27-May-20 16:28:52

I only have 2 cousins and hadnt seen one of them in the flesh for over 20 years until my dads funeral 5 years ago. We're FB friends only as my mum and her brother did not get on as adults so we barely saw them as kids. Its weird that 1 cousin looks my sisters' twin despite the 10 year age gap!

PoloNeckKnickers Wed 27-May-20 16:29:42

Close as kids but have drifted apart.

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