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to ask if you'd feel embarrassed by this?

(184 Posts)
TastyCheese Wed 27-May-20 00:21:56

If you were in a public place - and asked a person - eg work colleague /person in social group going out etc a personal question then they told you it was none of your business, would you feel a tad embarrassed/uncomfortable?

OP’s posts: |
JustHavinABreak Wed 27-May-20 00:27:39

Not sure how to vote but yes, I would feel both embarrassed and uncomfortable. I'm friendly (I think!) but savvy enough to know what's appropriate without overstepping so if I got it wrong I'd feel pretty bad. To be clear though, it's not just myself I'd feel bad for. I'd hate to think that I hate made someone feel uncomfortable.

Azaziel Wed 27-May-20 00:28:20

Depends on what you asked? Surely it depends on the circumstances?

ProseccoBubbleFantasies Wed 27-May-20 00:30:27

Probably.

Slightly depends what the question was though, doesn't it. People's boundaries are different.

I've asked people questions that I think are innocuous and they think are overstepping

surlycurly Wed 27-May-20 00:31:41

Yes I would. And I'd be replaying it in my head for the next 40 years

Helena79 Wed 27-May-20 00:31:48

Yes, probably. I think a lot of it would depend on the reasonableness of the question though and how those nearby perceived the exchange. So if you asked someone if they’d had a nose job, for example, I’d think that you were being rude asking a personal question and wouldn’t judge the person refusing to answer. If you asked someone where they last went on holiday, I’d think they were an arse for being curt in their response.

TastyCheese Wed 27-May-20 00:32:40

Thanks for your responses - due to recent work situations I'm really interested in what people think of this scenario

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Mythica Wed 27-May-20 00:33:00

No. But then I'm hard to shame. grin.

TitianaTitsling Wed 27-May-20 00:34:02

Depends what you ask. The next person who asks don't I think my dc would love a little brother/sister will probably get a similar reaction!

Dotty1970 Wed 27-May-20 00:35:03

How do you want us to vote, it's not clear?
Yes I would be embarrassed.

TastyCheese Wed 27-May-20 00:35:38

TitianaTitsling - I cant understand the immaturity of people who asked questions like that!

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CoRhona Wed 27-May-20 00:37:28

Depends. If I asked if they had children / were married / lived in the area / what job they did previously, for instance, and they replied saying that, I would think they were a rude fucker.

If I was asking how much they earned / who they were sleeping with / how they voted and got that response that's different...

What did you ask?!

Helena79 Wed 27-May-20 00:37:51

This reminds me of all of the colleagues who asked me if I’d planned my pregnancy. I literally couldn’t believe what they were asking, so my response in every case was “are you really asking me if I scheduled sex for that particular time?” 🤣

Disquieted1 Wed 27-May-20 00:38:13

Depends on the question. Something like 'how long have you worked here?' and I'd think that the other person was a complete twat.
'Did you have a vaginal prolapse after giving birth?' and I would feel like a complete twat myself.

So what was the question?

TitianaTitsling Wed 27-May-20 00:38:45

Good to hear not that! It's so bloody rude!

JustHavinABreak Wed 27-May-20 00:39:42

Now I'm really curious to know what you asked but you'll probably just tell me to mind my own f**kin beeswax 🤣🤣

Bluesmartiesarethebest Wed 27-May-20 00:42:48

Just here to find out the question cos I'm nosy

TastyCheese Wed 27-May-20 00:44:39

To be honest - to the people who asked what did I ask - it wasn't me who asked it was someone else! I have difficult with boundaries and this is why I started this thread! - to understand that if I told someone that something was none of their business - how they would feel.

I have been told that something was none of my business incidentally when I asked IF they were voting in a particular local election

OP’s posts: |
RyanBergarasTeeth Wed 27-May-20 00:51:46

Depends entirely on who said it and what was asked. My mother and best friend say it to me sometimes jokingly as i have no shame and ask all sorts. grin however if i asked an inoculous question to someone i didnt know i would feel either embarrassed ot pissed off depending on how it was said.

RyanBergarasTeeth Wed 27-May-20 00:54:02

I have been told that something was none of my business incidentally when I asked IF they were voting in a particular local election

Never dicuss politics or religion is something that was always drummed into me.

JustHavinABreak Wed 27-May-20 00:56:11

Gotcha. I don't see any harm in asking IF you're voting. That's not the same as asking WHO you're voting for which wouldn't be appropriate.

If you find boundaries a little difficult and you don't want to answer something but you're not quite sure what it is that's made you feel uncomfortable, then don't answer. You don't owe anyone an explanation. One way of getting out of a situation like this without causing the same kind of hurt that "none of your business" might cause is to laughingly respond "Haha...my mother wouldn't ask mw that" I've used this loads of times when it's obvious someone is just being nosy for no good reason

ttim985y Wed 27-May-20 01:08:50

So did you tell them it was none of their business? Depends what they asked. I think though there are more polite ways of saying it's personal and you don't want to answer

Disquieted1 Wed 27-May-20 01:15:02

Either tell us what the question was or don't waste people's time.
I bloody hate these guessing games.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Wed 27-May-20 01:16:13

What CoRhona said.

It really depends on what the personal question is; HOWEVER, I can well see that people, rightly or wrongly - possibly from past/frequent experience - might be anticipating the next question, which undoubtedly would be out of order. Asking somebody if they're planning on voting doesn't sound particularly personal per se, but it is the kind of question commonly asked by those who are intending to move on to crossing the 'mind your own business' boundary by angling or even asking directly whom you are voting for - and then demanding that you 'justify' it if it isn't the same as their chosen candidate or party.

Similarly with asking if people have children - it's the frequent follow-up questions they receive and their personal circumstances that you simply cannot know. It can be invariably upsetting or even just extremely tedious, like when very tall people are asked 50 times every single day "What's the weather like up there?!" or simply "Goodness, aren't you tall?!" Even if the initial question or comment itself is mundane, it can lead people to wonder if you have a clear agenda in asking it.

Moreover, as a white Brit, I can well imagine a lot of non-white people genuinely fearing (from their experience) what will follow the "Are you local?" question, however innocently intended and mundanely followed up ("A hundred miles? Well, you'll be ready for a drink and a sit down, then!") your own personal reaction might routinely be, if they don't already know you well.

1forAll74 Wed 27-May-20 01:18:10

No, I don't get embarrassed about anything these days. It comes with age, anything goes!

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