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AIBU?

Dream job, and now I might have to quit

86 replies

BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 21:55

I feel like crying.
Today I started my dream job, it was a promotion from my other job which I've been in for a few years. It's taken ages to earn the experience to move up and now I'm doing it I know it's what I want for the future with room to progress and retrain in something.
On my way home I had an email from ds's preschool to say that they were no longer allowing children to attend two settings and that I had to choose. My ds also goes to a Childminder for two days. I quickly rang the childminder but she has no availability for the other days. I rang preschool but they absolutely won't budge but suggested we move ds there full time. I don't want to do that as it's far away and also I don't want to shaft my Childminder who my son loves. She is a family friend too.
Spoke to my dm but she works full time and my stepdad is vulnerable. DP as usual was useless and said it was impossible for him to take time off as he's self employed and his job is too important.
What am I supposed to do? I want this so bad but I can't work without childcare, all the preschools are introducing this one setting rule, which in my opinion is stupid as ds will still be living in a house with two working outside the home parents (one customer facing, one NHS) and one sister who is in school every day.
I've already taken liberties in this job by having to finish at 3 for most of the time because there are no after school clubs. I cannot have any other days off or WFH as I need to learn from others in the building and set up teleconference equipment, talk to patients and there is no WiFi on the wards.
Bloody stupid Covid!

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PolkaDotsPolka · 26/05/2020 22:01

I'd move him to the pre-school full time... It won't be forever and it's a means to an end.

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:02

@PolkaDotsPolka but it's so far and they will only have him 9-3, childminder has him till 5.

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salema · 26/05/2020 22:02

Don’t lose your dream job over this. It sounds as though you could put DS into preschool full time? It may not be as convenient, but surely better than losing your job? It doesn’t have to be a permanent decision, just while there are additional rules around number of settings.

An alternative might be to speak to your employers and explain the situation. Can you delay starting your new role for a few weeks in order to sort childcare?

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EchoLimaYankee · 26/05/2020 22:02

If you really want it, you’ll have to move your son to full time preschool. You could move him back when the childminder has space or you can split childcare again.

It’s rubbish I know. Fingers crossed it won’t be for long.

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salema · 26/05/2020 22:03

Cross post. Could you look for an alternative such as a nursery, who can cover the longer hours?

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LouLouLoo · 26/05/2020 22:05

If your DP is self employed then is there not more flexibility with his job? Could he temporarily work weekends instead of weekdays for example?

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Rainycloudyday · 26/05/2020 22:05

Full time preschool and then seriously reconsider your relationship with your partner.

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deste · 26/05/2020 22:05

Have you looked into other nurseries? I know it’s difficult but if you let this job go, how will you feel when your son goes to school and you think back to what might have been. What about putting him to nursery full time for now but ask the nursery and childminder to let you know as soon as they have spaces so that you can review the situation. I would think spaces should be available after the summer break so it could really be a few months at most.

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:06

I could try another nursery. It might be that I'll have to pay privately as childminder has already claimed the funding. I just feel bad for her and for my ds who has already had to cope with so much change.

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TokyoSushi · 26/05/2020 22:06

Something completely different to the pre school or the childminder? Nursery? A different childminder who can cover what you need?

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Oly4 · 26/05/2020 22:07

I’d move him to preschool and get your DH to pick him up at 3! Why on earth isn’t he helping?
Or find a nursery that can have him longer days.
Or leave him at the childminder on the days she can have him and find another childminder for the other days pronto.
There are lots of things I’d do before quitting my dream job. You deserve your dream job OP

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AnneBullen · 26/05/2020 22:07

Does pre school have to know he goes to the childminder?

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:08

@LouLouLoo he already works weekends and his deliveries comes in midweek. He currently has Monday and Tuesday off to help with childcare. I've asked him if he could swap delivery days but to be honest it wouldn't make much difference.

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Bluntness100 · 26/05/2020 22:09

I also think if you really wished this you’d put him into pre school full time, I’m sorry op. It doesn’t seem that hard a decision.

You can try nurseries or other child minders but full time pre school seems an obvious solution.

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ChipotleBlessing · 26/05/2020 22:11

But if you don’t do what your preschool wants and then lose your job, you won’t be using the childminder anyway? So keep your job and use the preschool seems obvious.

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LimpidPools · 26/05/2020 22:11

Your DP's response is not acceptable OP.

It's not all on you. Also, him denying you opportunities to progress your career when you're not even married will look like a whole new level of shit should you ever split up. You'll find you've been fucked over twice.

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Bluntness100 · 26/05/2020 22:11

Plus this is not going to last much longer.,

What were you going to do during the summer months when preschool was closed?

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:14

@bluntness but the preschool isn't full time, it's 9-3. It's also 45 mins in city traffic. I do wish this but I'm also logical and I know that I will have to pay a new nursery privately as my funding has already been allocated to my childminder. I love this job but having an hour and a half commute every day and being £500 at least worse off per month might lessen its appeal.

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BumbleBeee69 · 26/05/2020 22:14

Full time pre-school ...

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:16

@LimpidPools I own the house though. I know he's being a dick but I won't take his response without a fight. I earn more than him so I have every right to insist that my career is treated as equal to his.

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Bessica1970 · 26/05/2020 22:17

Could you just tell the preschool you’ll stop using the childminder and work from home those days ( but carry on with the minder anyway)?

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Wibu123 · 26/05/2020 22:18

Please don't sacrifice your job and career (long-term) for this problem (short term). You'll always regret it. Your son will eventually settle into any childcare arranged. Your childminder will be ok too (we've got an amazing childminder too, so I understand your loyalty). Explain this problem to your employer and suggest you take all holiday/unpaid leave if you can afford it/your parental leave until something full-time is sorted out. Good luck

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BoujiSnail · 26/05/2020 22:19

I should add that I won't lose my job if I quit, I can go back to my previous role, as it's only an acting up position. If I step down it's unlikely another opportunity will come my way for a while. I really want this but I'm facing so many barriers.

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maddening · 26/05/2020 22:21

Could he go to preschool full time and your dp work 7-2:30 if he is self employed and can set his hours?

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maddening · 26/05/2020 22:22

Or swap to another childminder/nursery.

Or can your dp work weekends instead and stay with ds on those 2 days?

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