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Dream job, and now I might have to quit

(87 Posts)
BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 21:55:55

I feel like crying.
Today I started my dream job, it was a promotion from my other job which I've been in for a few years. It's taken ages to earn the experience to move up and now I'm doing it I know it's what I want for the future with room to progress and retrain in something.
On my way home I had an email from ds's preschool to say that they were no longer allowing children to attend two settings and that I had to choose. My ds also goes to a Childminder for two days. I quickly rang the childminder but she has no availability for the other days. I rang preschool but they absolutely won't budge but suggested we move ds there full time. I don't want to do that as it's far away and also I don't want to shaft my Childminder who my son loves. She is a family friend too.
Spoke to my dm but she works full time and my stepdad is vulnerable. DP as usual was useless and said it was impossible for him to take time off as he's self employed and his job is too important.
What am I supposed to do? I want this so bad but I can't work without childcare, all the preschools are introducing this one setting rule, which in my opinion is stupid as ds will still be living in a house with two working outside the home parents (one customer facing, one NHS) and one sister who is in school every day.
I've already taken liberties in this job by having to finish at 3 for most of the time because there are no after school clubs. I cannot have any other days off or WFH as I need to learn from others in the building and set up teleconference equipment, talk to patients and there is no WiFi on the wards.
Bloody stupid Covid!

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PolkaDotsPolka Tue 26-May-20 22:01:20

I'd move him to the pre-school full time... It won't be forever and it's a means to an end.

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:02:21

@PolkaDotsPolka but it's so far and they will only have him 9-3, childminder has him till 5.

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salema Tue 26-May-20 22:02:28

Don’t lose your dream job over this. It sounds as though you could put DS into preschool full time? It may not be as convenient, but surely better than losing your job? It doesn’t have to be a permanent decision, just while there are additional rules around number of settings.

An alternative might be to speak to your employers and explain the situation. Can you delay starting your new role for a few weeks in order to sort childcare?

EchoLimaYankee Tue 26-May-20 22:02:46

If you really want it, you’ll have to move your son to full time preschool. You could move him back when the childminder has space or you can split childcare again.

It’s rubbish I know. Fingers crossed it won’t be for long.

salema Tue 26-May-20 22:03:54

Cross post. Could you look for an alternative such as a nursery, who can cover the longer hours?

LouLouLoo Tue 26-May-20 22:05:17

If your DP is self employed then is there not more flexibility with his job? Could he temporarily work weekends instead of weekdays for example?

Rainycloudyday Tue 26-May-20 22:05:28

Full time preschool and then seriously reconsider your relationship with your partner.

deste Tue 26-May-20 22:05:48

Have you looked into other nurseries? I know it’s difficult but if you let this job go, how will you feel when your son goes to school and you think back to what might have been. What about putting him to nursery full time for now but ask the nursery and childminder to let you know as soon as they have spaces so that you can review the situation. I would think spaces should be available after the summer break so it could really be a few months at most.

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:06:06

I could try another nursery. It might be that I'll have to pay privately as childminder has already claimed the funding. I just feel bad for her and for my ds who has already had to cope with so much change.

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TokyoSushi Tue 26-May-20 22:06:56

Something completely different to the pre school or the childminder? Nursery? A different childminder who can cover what you need?

Oly4 Tue 26-May-20 22:07:14

I’d move him to preschool and get your DH to pick him up at 3! Why on earth isn’t he helping?
Or find a nursery that can have him longer days.
Or leave him at the childminder on the days she can have him and find another childminder for the other days pronto.
There are lots of things I’d do before quitting my dream job. You deserve your dream job OP

AnneBullen Tue 26-May-20 22:07:25

Does pre school have to know he goes to the childminder?

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:08:01

@LouLouLoo he already works weekends and his deliveries comes in midweek. He currently has Monday and Tuesday off to help with childcare. I've asked him if he could swap delivery days but to be honest it wouldn't make much difference.

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Bluntness100 Tue 26-May-20 22:09:54

I also think if you really wished this you’d put him into pre school full time, I’m sorry op. It doesn’t seem that hard a decision.

You can try nurseries or other child minders but full time pre school seems an obvious solution.

ChipotleBlessing Tue 26-May-20 22:11:08

But if you don’t do what your preschool wants and then lose your job, you won’t be using the childminder anyway? So keep your job and use the preschool seems obvious.

LimpidPools Tue 26-May-20 22:11:22

Your DP's response is not acceptable OP.

It's not all on you. Also, him denying you opportunities to progress your career when you're not even married will look like a whole new level of shit should you ever split up. You'll find you've been fucked over twice.

Bluntness100 Tue 26-May-20 22:11:40

Plus this is not going to last much longer.,

What were you going to do during the summer months when preschool was closed?

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:14:26

@bluntness but the preschool isn't full time, it's 9-3. It's also 45 mins in city traffic. I do wish this but I'm also logical and I know that I will have to pay a new nursery privately as my funding has already been allocated to my childminder. I love this job but having an hour and a half commute every day and being £500 at least worse off per month might lessen its appeal.

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BumbleBeee69 Tue 26-May-20 22:14:52

Full time pre-school ...

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:16:41

@LimpidPools I own the house though. I know he's being a dick but I won't take his response without a fight. I earn more than him so I have every right to insist that my career is treated as equal to his.

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Bessica1970 Tue 26-May-20 22:17:45

Could you just tell the preschool you’ll stop using the childminder and work from home those days ( but carry on with the minder anyway)?

Wibu123 Tue 26-May-20 22:18:33

Please don't sacrifice your job and career (long-term) for this problem (short term). You'll always regret it. Your son will eventually settle into any childcare arranged. Your childminder will be ok too (we've got an amazing childminder too, so I understand your loyalty). Explain this problem to your employer and suggest you take all holiday/unpaid leave if you can afford it/your parental leave until something full-time is sorted out. Good luck

BoujiSnail Tue 26-May-20 22:19:31

I should add that I won't lose my job if I quit, I can go back to my previous role, as it's only an acting up position. If I step down it's unlikely another opportunity will come my way for a while. I really want this but I'm facing so many barriers.

OP’s posts: |
maddening Tue 26-May-20 22:21:04

Could he go to preschool full time and your dp work 7-2:30 if he is self employed and can set his hours?

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