This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Who is BU?(9 Posts)
Sis doesn’t believe in Corona virus and so has been spending time with friends while staying with a friend for the past few weeks while furloughed (and lonely). She’s had a fall out with friend she’s staying with and so DM is having her to stay for a few days before she returns to London at the end of the week. They have gone on several “family” days out this week excluding me and DS.
I had a fall out with DBro and SIL but have somewhat patched things up during lockdown, as in I’ve apologised and made efforts to make mends which has been received, acknowledged and I’ve had a couple of messages of thanks from SIL.
Sis seems to prefer it when me and SIL are not friends and when she can play “Best Aunty” to DNeices. I don’t deny that I’m jealous but me and sis are very different people and have a different relationship with bro, especially since the fallout and all the shit that brought about (which I admit mostly was my fault). I’m the only one of us (DM, sis, bro, SIL) that is not on furlough and DM said I wasn’t invited on their walk because she knew I was working (I’m currently working mornings).
DS (12) has ADHD & ASD and as we live close by, would go up DM’s a couple of times a week after school to see her/watch TV and get treats, as well as once a month overnight. Since lockdown, he hasn’t been round at all and has really struggled lately not having time with her and his (fantastic autism trained) childminder who he saw once a month. I‘ve spoken with DM and we agreed she’d start to have him again for a few hours a couple of times a week to go for a walk or similar and we were talking about starting it next week, when the June 1st school stuff starts.
Neither me or DM drive and I help out getting her shopping when I have my home delivery. At the moment, I’m waiting until her universal credit payment comes through to get repaid what she owes me for the last couple of shops. Both sis and bro drive but do not offer to help her.
Now she’s got DSis staying with her, who has visited a few different friends already, as well as having drinks with some neighbours who aren’t self isolating and so she now can’t have DS next week like we agreed.
I’ve been really stressed over the last week because DS is becoming increasingly challenging and I was looking forward so much to some relief next week. I feel like DM can’t say no to either bro or sis but has essentially said no to me re having DS by having sis to stay. I’ve told her that I’m no longer doing her shopping for her.
Honestly OP, in the kindest way possible, you sound like quite hard work.
It is unreasonable of you to expect your mum not to have her daughter to stay with her if they both feel that’s what they need to do just so that you’re more comfortable with her looking after your son for you.
Your mum hasn’t said no to you from what you’ve said, you’ve made that choice for yourself based on what your Mum has chosen to do for herself.
I’m really sorry I’m not being baity but is the problem your DM can’t have your son? Not sure why all the other stuff is relevant? You all sound a bit bonkers. Why are your family breaking lockdown? Why are you jealous? It all just sounds really petty.
Family are breaking lockdown because Sis is around. Until this week, we were all doing social distancing.
I took some shopping to mums the other day, sis seemed surprised I wasn’t going inside and invited me to join them for a drink in the garden.
It’s just ridiculous that Sis has come to stay with mum for less that a week just so she wasn’t on her own for bank holiday - ie so she could catch up with friends while she’s off work this week.
Bro was cross with mum for having sis stay, but is now meeting up with sis.
Of course I’m upset mum can’t have DS but also upset because she won’t say no to having sis to stay or will go for a picnic with them even though she knows she then can’t have DS. If sis had been social distancing with her friends I don’t think I’d be as stubborn, but she’s been happily posting selfies and TicTocks so clearly isn’t.
It’s really up to your mum who she allows to stay at your house. To be fair if I was living along like your sis (did you say that or did I just assume she lived alone) I’d probably have ended up going to stay with someone else by now. Couldn’t have stayed that long at home alone.
It must be so difficult to manage without the help you normally have for your son and I can imagine the lockdown has been quite difficult for him like most children.
Sounds like there’s lots more going on in your family and I imagine everyone has their own perspective as to who is at fault.
@NailsNeedDoing Perhaps I am hard work. Not sure what to do about that though :/
@AIMD Sis has her boyfriend go and stay with her for a while a couple of weeks into lockdown, then cane up to stay with a friend near home about a month ago. Her bf was friends with the friend she stayed with, and now she’s dumped bf, her friend has apparently gone funny with her and so she asked mum if she could come and stay with her for a few days before going back down to London.
I don’t think you’re hard work op. I think you’re just disappointed that your mum isn’t able to take your DS next week and give you what sounds like a much needed break and your DS a bit of normality. I would be pissed off too if my sister was running around doing whatever suits her and it had a detrimental impact on me, especially as you’ve been supporting your mother.
No advice I’m afraid, just sympathy. I hope in the next few weeks things get easier for you both.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.