DH ignoring me

[feemcgee]

I'm getting the silent treatment from DH because he is mad that I cut DS's hair without asking for his advice. He was raging when I did it yesterday and after shouting and slamming doors, he has not said a word to me since. This is not usual behaviour. Feeling perplexed about why he is so cross. And also feeling teary about his reaction - my DS isn't bothered about the crap haircut, but he is bothered about DH's reaction.
He said he was angry because he thinks I did it without his input as a way of getting back at him for making us go for a family walk yesterday! I am really not that petty!
I just want him to at least be civil to me in front of the kids, as this is sending a really bad message to them about how to handle conflict!
Any advice?

[FOJN]

He said he was angry because he thinks I did it without his input as a way of getting back at him for making us go for a family walk yesterday! I am really not that petty!

I'd be quite concerned about that level of projection and use of the silent treatment. I think you have to tell him this is not an acceptable or constructive way to resolve a dispute.

If he makes a habit of this then it's a bigger problem.

[Sparkletastic]

Has he behaved like this before?

[HopeYouStepOnALego]

Is there more to this? What happened with the walk - did you now want to go?

[SharonasCorona]

Don’t try and jolly him out of this, he will like that and take it as carte blanche to do it again.

When he gets out of his sulk, tell him that you will not tolerate silent treatment and his throwing a tantrum like a toddler.

It may be a one off, but file this away and monitor his behaviour to you.

[Laundrywoman]

This is not usual behaviour.

I feel so sad for you having to suffer this behaviour op, it affects the
whole household and deeply disturbs your mental health.

In my experience it doesn't get any better. The sulking, entitled man child is always just below the surface.

I eventually left after many years of it. I wish I'd done it sooner.

[matchboxtwentyunwell]

That is an immensely over the top reaction, and concerning that he thinks you did it as some kind of tit-for-tat. Projection much?

I'd be very concerned about this kind of abusive behaviour escalating. Irrational and frightening.

[Monsterjam]

If this is unusual behaviour is there perhaps something else wrong with him. He is clearly not behaving in an acceptable way to towards you, however perhaps something bigger is going on?

[feemcgee]

Thanks for the replies, I thought I must have done something and just not realised, but it is absolutely not anything I have actually done. No, this is not normal behaviour for him, which is why I am perplexed. Me and the kids were happy to go for a walk but just didn't want to go up some hill at the end, I grumbled about it at the time, but we were chatting normally on the way back.
He said (before stopping speaking to me) that I have no respect for him!

[DuckALaurent]

I’d have no respect for a man that loses his shit over pathetic things and tries to control me.
I’d also have no respect for a man who throws his toys out of the pram in front of his kids.
He reaps what he sows. Do not pander to his sulking.

I hope for your sake and the kids that this is just a one off lockdown meltdown and that he apologises and never acts this way again. I suspect it won’t be and that you’re living with a controlling and coercive DH

[UnfinishedSymphon]

Leave him to his sulks, don't cave, ignore him until he's mature enough to speak to you.

I wouldn't doing anything for him until he grows the fuck up but not sure if that is the right way to go

[DrDavidBanner]

How bizarre, and I can see why you and your son are so upset. Its very selfish and immature behaviour. Try not to rise to it or minimise it. I know we're in strange circumstances and feelings can be very heightened but thats no excuse for upsetting his son.

[EdinburghFirstTimer]

Could he be cheating? Maybe upset he hasn’t seen his mistress for weeks/months? Something isn’t right there.

[billy1966]

Do not give into that twatty behaviour.

He owes you an apology OP.

We teach people how they can treat us.