To ask if you've ever felt like this?(3 Posts)
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship a while a go where he would often tell me I was selfish, only he would ever put up with me, no one liked me etc. I won't go into the whole thing but some of the abuse was pretty horrific from a psychological POV. He'd force me to sit on the floor for literally hours and whilst he told me all the things wrong with me and make me apologise for them and tell me he was doing it to help me be a better person, for example.
That was years ago now and I'm much happier and free of him (and married to a lovely man). But I cannot shake these feelings.
Basically I spend so much time analysing everything interaction with other people that I have, I lie in bed unable to sleep going over my conversations thinking things like 'did I ask them enough questions about themselves, did I come across as selfish?' if I notice any perceived dislike toward me even the smallest thing I will think about it for so long and think that's it, no one likes me and get seriously down about it.
I have friends but I convince myself they don't actually like me. I convince myself of things like they must have another group chat on WhatsApp without me in it where they all talk about me.
Another example is, I've been married now for years and I still worry that people didn't really like my wedding.
I feel completely paranoid and I know it sounds so ridiculous but it's taking over all of my thoughts at the moment.
It’s not surprising you have these feelings when your abusive ex did so much to tear down your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself.
I think you would really benefit from some counselling with a therapist who specialises in helping survivors of abusive relationships. You have to undo the damage that your ex did, and there is no shame at all in needing professional help to do that.
You deserve to be happy and free from this self-doubt and anxiety
The fact that you can already identify the harmful thought processes and why you experience them gives you a head start when it comes to any therapy. And in answer to your title question, i've definitely felt that way but getting older and more comfy with myself helped.
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