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PIL Joining Honeymoon

(259 Posts)
Catladiesaremyheroes Tue 26-May-20 02:22:47

This happened more than a decade ago. Hope he all will forgive me, but it’s haunted me for quite some time. Long one..., pull up your chairs, all welcome.

We got married in a very organised way. Both sets of parents met at ours to discuss the wedding. Unfortunately,, meeting was crashed by two SILs and two BILs (I’m an only child). No biggie from my perspective, we’ve lived together for ages, so the more the merrier, looking forward to a big party atmosphere all round.

We will be paying for the wedding, so should be an easy going pre nuptial meeting, right?

Anyways, to cut a long long story short, my mum and dad ask at this meeting, what they could give us as a wedding present. They love me to bits, love my partner too, and so want to make something matter as a present. The then DP parents have e an idea for both sets of parents to contribute equally to our honeymoon, to be announced at the wedding as a gift, from both parents.

Everyone in the family knows how much I love Cornwall. It’s always my go to destination. So my future PIL book and equally share the cost with my parents, of a holiday house there for two weeks, I cannot believe it. We both work full time, paying off student debt and mortgage so a two week holiday is the best gift ever.

Wedding was great. Everything lovely and as planned. We have all the booking details of the holiday home and decide to go there the day after the booking Is made (confirmation email, all good). Still can’t believe the parents have stumped up the cost of this!!!). Never been so excited!

Get there, car full of clothes, food and lovely bubbly presents from the wedding. I’m thinking as we pull up that this must be the wrong address as the house seems occupied.

We are sitting in our car, scratching our heads, when my MIL appears. Shouts at us to get a move on as they’re putting on a movie. We get out of the car, and it’s like a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. All of my DHs family are there. For a moment I think they’re there to welcome us.
But no. My PIL have used the money my parents have innocently given them to book a four bed house. Bedroom for us, one for PIL, and both SIL with a bedroom for them, husbands and two kids each.
Yes, all this for our honeymoon, jointly paid for by my parents.

The house seemed full, really full, what with kids toys, blankets, etc. Bathrooms covered in kids bath equipment . Absolutely nothing romantic.

I felt overwhelmed and hid in our allocated bedroom (I later found out that one of the SIL had taken the “master” bedroom with the en-suite).

It’s literally years later. Many, many issues and water under the bridge.

My mom died recently. Not unexpectedly, but so so so hard.
One of our conversations resulted in her. questioning why I had my in laws on honeymoon, and not her? She always felt super close and it troubled her that they half paid for a holiday for the in laws and it irked her greatly over the years.

Now it irks me more than it did then.

Was it crazy. I hated the in laws crashing our honeymoon. The only comment from my husband was that the house was paid for the two weeks anyhow, and didn’t see a problem.

AIBU, regardless of my mom’s recent passing, to feel newly aggrieved at the cheek of them crashing our honeymoon.

And a big thank you for reaching the end of this humongous post.

OP’s posts: |
peardrops1 Tue 26-May-20 02:35:30

THIS IS TOTALLY NUTS! I would say more but...words fail me.

Catladiesaremyheroes Tue 26-May-20 02:39:24

@peardrops, thank you.
It was beyond nuts. I appreciate you reading that saga.

OP’s posts: |
NotTheOnlyPomInTheVillage Tue 26-May-20 02:41:16

I hope your mum realised that it was not your choice.

OP, this is appalling behaviour on the part of your PIL. Entitled fucks. This would still bother me after 10 years. In fact, I got married years ago and still harbour resentment for something my PIL did, so I know how you feel.

AlwaysAnEmptySpace Tue 26-May-20 02:44:23

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. flowers

Was it crazy.

Yes! Really, really crazy.

They were totally overstepping. This is one of the craziest in law threads I’ve read on here. Did you say anything at the time to them? Did you not express to you mum when you got home how upset you were that the in-laws were there? I really don’t understand how they thought this was acceptable but clearly they are just very cheeky. I’d have made my new husband tell them all to piss off.

OccasionalNachos Tue 26-May-20 02:46:18

That’s awful, & I understand that your DM’s death has dredged up old feelings. Did you explain to her that it wasn’t your decision and you hated the situation?

Why didn’t you say anything at the time? Feeling obliged to be grateful because it was a gift? This is one of those situations where assertiveness is appropriate. If someone offers a gift like this then there are certain expectations that your PIL and family did not adhere to.

Although it doesn’t make up for a ruined honeymoon, I hope you have had several lovely holidays with your DH since then.

Honeybee85 Tue 26-May-20 02:50:46

What an awful, awful thing to do.

The 'right thing' to do would probably be to forgive them but tbh if I were you, esspecially after that conversation with DM about how she felt left out, I'd still be livid about it, and would probably never be able to forgive them.

MoreCookiesPlease Tue 26-May-20 02:51:44

Appalling behaviour- what cheeky fuckers, the whole lot of them! That is ridiculous.

I would have left in protest. I can see why this is still causing you grief, OP. It would rile me up too.

Your poor mother. I hope you set the story straight with her. And I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

USirName Tue 26-May-20 02:59:19

Massive nasty CF! How dare they! I'm sorry this happened to you and that it is still haunting you. I think I would be bitter forever over an act like this too. I hope you don't have to spend too much time with them. I'm sorry for your lossflowers

FeelingTheBurn Tue 26-May-20 03:00:49

I think I would have insisted my new husband turned the car around and drove elsewhere, to be honest!
I am sorry for the loss of your mother.

1forAll74 Tue 26-May-20 03:03:26

Yes it was definitely, definitely, crazy and odd, and strange, and not right at all.

It was not funny at all, but whilst reading this, I was trying to picture the scene when you arrived at the Honeymoon place, and all this was awaiting you. I think if I had had the money, I would have driven straight off and booked into a secret hotel somewhere else.

SiaPR Tue 26-May-20 03:05:39

I hate what your in laws did and I don’t even know them. I think it is bound to make you feel worse at the moment with losing your mum. They are complete cunts. Do you have a relationship now? I hope you froze them out,

AJPTaylor Tue 26-May-20 03:05:55

Whenever there is a cf thread on here, you need to post this. It would win every. Single. Time.

titnomatani Tue 26-May-20 03:08:51

OMG, I felt really uncomfortable reading that- your ILs were bang out of order as was your husband's response. Please tell me you managed to clear the air with your mum before she passed away.

CovidicusRex Tue 26-May-20 03:09:06

I just don’t have words. It’s so crazy I struggle to process it.

Ilovesausages Tue 26-May-20 03:09:44

I’m so sorry OP. This was awful for you then and I understand that it has resurfaced for you with the death of your mother. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were able to talk about item with her.

YASNBU. That’s terrible behaviour from your inlaws - I honestly can’t understand what they were thinking.

Tsukukuviri Tue 26-May-20 03:14:11

What is your relationship like with the in-laws now?

And what is it like with your DH?

Durgasarrow Tue 26-May-20 03:31:54

I can only imagine how it must have felt to have to have put on your "game face" to greet them at the front door!

Patsnpons Tue 26-May-20 03:37:42

This is the kind of thing my MIL would have done

Willowkins Tue 26-May-20 04:32:17

So sorry for your loss flowers
You put a good face on at the time but you were hurt. This was your special day and they hijacked it. Worse they were dishonest and your mum paid for you and one of them. They didn't even give you the best room. Your mum asking about it made you feel bad for her. Her dying brought it all back. It's unresolved because your feelings were ignored. Such a mess.
What would make this right for you now?

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 26-May-20 04:44:38

Horrendous. Does your husband realise now how screwed up that was?

If you do not wish to have anything more with them even after all this time, I wouldn’t blame you.

Chicchicchicchiclana Tue 26-May-20 04:47:29

I'm astonished your dh didn't see it as a problem. Would he usually go on holiday with his Mum and Dad, two siblings and their spouses and four children? That means you spent your honeymoon in a four bedroom house with eight adults and four children? Surely, surely at least 1 of the adults must have thought this was a highly unusual set up? Or was the whole family unable to see what everyone else on this thread can see?

recycledbottle Tue 26-May-20 04:48:13

What is your relationship like with them and DH now? Tbh your DH saying it was grand to have his entire family at your honeymoon would upset me too. I wouldnt be so sure that they gatecrashed. They could have arranged with your DH. This is something my MIL.would do and my DH would probably just tell me to go with the flow. I am v angry about behaviours from 10 years also and I dont have any advise im afraid other than to say you should focus your energy on DH part in it.

BikeRunSki Tue 26-May-20 05:05:26

I would have left immediately.
I would have expected my DH to come with me, and to demand reimbursement of my parents’ contribution.

Utter, utter CFs. Your parents must have been devastate. I hope they knew it wa not your choice.

GreenGlassVase Tue 26-May-20 05:09:02

In real life , not Mumsnet, you would have asked for your parents money back, straight after the honeymoon............

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