I have been through a fair few traumatic events in my life. I've felt relentlessly sad sometimes for weeks or months. But I've always even in that time had periods of happiness, I've kept on keeping on. Been able to look forward.
But right now I feel completely hopeless. The line that keeps coming into my mind is from a Yeats poem albeit out of context, 'the years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind'
My life seems completely pointless. I'm not suicidal or anything, don't worry I am far too much of a coward to do that. But it's all such a mess. I've achieved so little. My family sacrificed everything for me and I have nothing to show for it. I've been a useless parent to my own children who are now grown up. I spend all my time wishing I could do it all again, change things, make a difference. But it's all too late. All I've done for the last 2 months since the end of my latest relationship is lie around and eat. I thought at first I was just sad about that, but I've realised it goes deeper. This is not just being sad about a break up, though that's part of it. I don't matter to anyone. I have no friends. I've fucked up my children's lives. I can't even get myself out of bed to do any of the decorating and gardening and other essential jobs I need to do. I just lie around like a lazy pig, stuffing my fat face. And I don't know how to stop or to feel better. Nothing makes any of it hurt less.
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AIBU?
Struggling to get myself out of this slump, AIBU to think I'm depressed?
22 replies
Whatswrongwithmenow · 25/05/2020 17:17
OP posts:
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