TTC but keeping it light

[Lucyjc1]

Hi all,

We’ve just agreed to start ttc- we’re a few months away from our wedding, don’t want to wait any longer, I’m fine with being not-too-pregnant on the wedding day.
However, my partner isn’t an initiator of sex, never has been. We’ve had conversations about it which always ends up in a proclamation of hurt manhood, so I can’t bring it up but it also never changes.
How on earth do I navigate ttc with a partner that is reluctant to make the first move and will retreat further into himself when I have to bring up ovulation windows?! Really keen to keep it light and romantic, because we have an amazing connection- don’t want it to be all about baby making but I’m finding it hard to navigate and not get my own feelings hurt.

[raspberryk]

I wouldn't marry or ttc with someone if I wasn't happy with the sex in any way.
I wouldn't ttc until married, at the moment your wedding could be cancelled.
If you did go ahead you'd just have to initiate every 2 or 3 days or when you feel like it if you're keeping it light as nothing about timed sex with ovulation windows suggests keeping it light to me.

[zscaler]

I think you need to resolve the communication issue before you ttc - it’s only going to get harder when you have a baby to deal with as well!

[Lucyjc1]

Thanks raspberryk, it’s not that I’m not happy with the sex, it’s great when it happens- I it don’t always want to be the initiator but I’ve seen this theme a lot in other threads.
I know the wedding probably will be cancelled and we have a 2021 backup date- either way we don’t want to put it off any longer, unfortunately one thing on pause is not our age.
Thanks for the advice, I think I’ll keep the baby timing to myself to keep it light!

[cochineal7]

The ‘I can’t bring it up’ bit is a bit disconcerting if you are planning to have a child and get married together. Being able to talk about things is quite key for that to work. Also think that ‘ovulation window’ and ‘keeping it light’ are not exactly compatible terms in one sentence.

[Lucyjc1]

Thanks all, think he’s just generally lazy because he knows I’ll make a move but I need to explain to him how much it’s affecting things