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MIL commenting on baby name

(45 Posts)
MamiBets Sun 24-May-20 22:33:00

AIBU.... We're due our second daughter soon, and upon hearing that we are expecting another girl, my MIL commented that she hopes we would chose a name easy to pronounce this time.

She made some insensitive comments when we were choosing our first daughters name too. Her name is not even difficult to pronounce, yes it's Welsh (live in Wales and speak Welsh) but it is a 'say it as it's spelt' sort of name and nowhere to go wrong.

I felt upset that it was the first thing she thought to say, rather than anything nice !!

AIBU or should I say something if she says something similar again?

OP’s posts: |
LouiseTrees Sun 24-May-20 22:36:48

I know people also said this to me. I have an American and an Irish name in my daughters name. Just ignore her and choose something you and your OH like. Might be worthwhile thinking of some nice English names (guessing your OH is English).

CherryPavlova Sun 24-May-20 22:36:55

It was a passing comment. Why let it bother you? You like the name, so it doesn’t matter.

MamiBets Sun 24-May-20 22:42:13

No we both live in Wales both fluent Welsh. MIL is Welsh but doesn't speak it, and often makes similar comments on anything in the Welsh language !!

OP’s posts: |
LillianBland Sun 24-May-20 22:42:37

Tell her that you’re going to call the baby (insert the most difficult to pronounce name you can think of) keep insisting it is babies name, then when you do make the child, she’ll be that bloody relieved, hopefully she’ll shut up.

Regarding your first daughter’s name, she’s really bloody rude and I’d tell her that if she ever comments on or insults her name in front of her, you’ll be keeping your child away from her.

sarahC40 Sun 24-May-20 22:46:21

We called our son a Welsh name, spelled the English way. Mil said she hated it. Dh said we were defo sticking with it and now son spells it the Welsh way in honour of his maternal family 😆

Nottherealslimshady Sun 24-May-20 22:50:16

My automatic response to stuff like this is " well that's nice" or "lovely." What you call your child is not up to her.

Freddiefox Sun 24-May-20 22:52:43

Just don’t make it bigger then to need to be. Maybe she’s kicking herself now thinking omg what did I say that for.
Sometimes we say the wrong thing but not on purpose

peajotter Sun 24-May-20 22:59:27

Could she be insecure about the fact that she doesn’t speak Welsh? I try to assume that any negative comment is either a mistake or due to an issue that that person has in general, rather than taking it personally. Try to be Teflon coated, as my vicar once told me!!

Teaandbiscuitsallday Sun 24-May-20 23:01:31

Call your baby what ever you like! She can bog off!

Puppybum Sun 24-May-20 23:05:06

We live in England, I had a Welsh dad our children have the Welshest names ever!

peperethecat Sun 24-May-20 23:06:57

It's really not your problem if your MIL doesn't agree with your choice of baby name, OP. If she gives you hassle about it, it is your husband's job to tell her to wind her neck in.

Feetupteashot Sun 24-May-20 23:10:33

Not wanting to excuse her, you should do as you wish and expect the name is lovely.

I wonder if there might be a generational thing, older generations were ashamed of speaking Welsh, taught in English etc. Welsh language has had a massive resurgence since?

SlimBig Sun 24-May-20 23:12:15

I agree with @peajotter, I’d say she’s insecure.
Maybe your next daughter should be Gwenllian, and correct her on the ‘ll’ pronunciation every time!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Sun 24-May-20 23:13:05

She's allowed an opinion. I think you are overreacting - in the end it's not like she can compel you to choose her preferred name.

SanFrancisco49er Sun 24-May-20 23:13:47

You can definitely say something if she says something similar and it upsets you but maybe try to keep to a proportional response. If it's off the cuff and casual, you can lightly say something like 'we haven't decided yet, we're not revealing name ideas however as people can be critical!' with a smile. But if it's a comment made in a snarky tone you could politely tell her it's your child and your decision.
My MIL got very bossy about our house name (we were choosing between 2, both Welsh) and dismissed the name I came up with, saying, 'no use the other one I much prefer it' in a tone that suggested the conversation was over. I replied politely and told her I actually do like it and we may use it and she actually huffed at me and said 'well it's your house I suppose'
This is only a house, god knows what she'll be like when we have kids!

Wyewaving Sun 24-May-20 23:18:19

I had the same thought as @peajotter and @Feetupteashot, perhaps she is projecting her own insecurities.

I’m not pregnant yet (only just started TTC) but we already have a lovely Welsh name picked out if we ever have a girl, I know DH’s family (they’re English) will struggle with it and may think it’s too Welsh but tough.

I probably wouldn’t mention it to her again. Once the baby is here she’ll have no choice but to call it by its name whether she thinks it’s too Welsh and unpronounceable or not. If she brings it up ask your partner to have a word.

BumpBundle Sun 24-May-20 23:25:58

I have an unusual and non-phonetic Irish name and I hate it. It's honestly the bane of my life. Every single time I've ever met someone new, it's been commented on and I deeply, deeply wish I had a "normal" name.
However, your MIL has no ability to name your child. Call them whatever you want. Just ignore her. It was probably just an off-the-cuff comment that came out wrong.

georgie279 Sun 24-May-20 23:29:07

Ignore it.

I'm welsh & a fluent welsh speaker... come from a welsh speaking household, but I now (begrudgingly wink) live in England.

We chose Scottish/Irish first & middle name for our daughter, family links on husbands side.. but if we were to have another I have a welsh name in mind and it's also phonetic so not hard at all.

It's your choice, it's your child.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks including parents & parents in law. grin

Limpetlike Sun 24-May-20 23:42:18

@BumpBundle, you have a ‘normal’ name, you just seem to frequent people who think anything other than Emma is strange and unpronounceable.

I’m a Caoimhe (with an Irish language surname also) who spent 25 years in England, France and the US without anyone losing their minds over it.

Durgasarrow Mon 25-May-20 03:38:10

I guess that's her opinion. Perhaps she feels it is better for children to have more conventional (English) names. That reflects what she believes. It might not be an attack on you, but a difference. She's had her say, but it is your choice, and although you can acknowledge her point of view, you can proceed with confidence to do what you feel is right.
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Kokeshi123 Mon 25-May-20 03:57:41

(Just wanted to add that Irish and Welsh names, spelt in the original way, ARE phonetic---these languages' writing systems actually have far more logical spelling than English. It's just that the spelling rules are not the same as English!)

Mintjulia Mon 25-May-20 04:13:06

Don’t waste your breath, ignore her.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 25-May-20 04:17:09

Ignore her. She had her chance to name her children, her time is over.

houseinthemiddleofthestreet Mon 25-May-20 04:33:01

Don't discuss it any further, just tell her you are still thinking about it and shut her down if she brings it up. I had to do this with my DM. When I was at about four months, some names we were thinking about came up at a family dinner. For one of them she said that's nice, it's not too foreign hmm. DP is Asian. After that I just wouldn't discuss it. She had a whole slew of suggestions - DF's name, my GF's name, other names she liked. I just kept telling her we still weren't sure. She wasn't told until he was born and registered, we do it in the hospital here.

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