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Consent order / divorce

(53 Posts)
Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 14:32:30


Just wondering if anyone has any experience with consent orders?

Basically, i am unrepresented due to not being able to afford to see someone, and his solicitor has imformed the judge might not approve it?

So what happens if the judge doesnt approve? Can the judge change the order or what is the next step? Very confused... thank you

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Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 14:34:03

Sorry just to clarify, it probably looks massively in his favour, hence why it may be rejected

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TheMotherofAllDilemmas Sun 24-May-20 14:35:50

I would have thought that if you both agreed to it, the judge would just approve no matter how outlandish it is?

Wishforsnow Sun 24-May-20 14:35:52

Why is it so much in his favour and therefore may not be able to be approved?

Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 14:38:17

Basically the only asset is his pension, which i know he doesnt want me to have and i dont have the money to fight for it so thought it best to let it slide. Also i believe i may have more debt than he does, i am on benefits and the children live with me. So ive been told his looks heavily in his favour

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plunkplunkfizz Sun 24-May-20 15:07:22

If a judge might not approve it, doesn’t that tell you something? i.e. it’s worth fighting for?

Upordown Sun 24-May-20 15:11:09

I doubt it will get approved if it doesn't fairly cater for the needs of you and the children. There's alot you can do without a solicitor. Basically list all assets, including pension values. Then all debts. At least then you'll know what you're 'sharing'. He can't walk away with say, £200k (or whatever the value is) in pensions and you have nothing. There will need to be something in the consent order about maintenance and care of the children.

Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 15:26:59

Well hes telling me thats there no way to figure out what his pension is worth so its impossible to tell. Tbh we had quite a hard marraige, to the point that i was petrified off him and i just dont have the strength to try and fight him about this. I would rather it was all done and i could get on with my life. Thank you for all your replies

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NellyDElephant Sun 24-May-20 15:31:49

What you want is a ‘pension sharing order’ and of course there’s a way to find out what the pension is worth. It costs on average around £4-500 to get a pension sharing order sorted so of course it sounds like he’s not going to want to stump up for one of those! I would be doing if I were you though!

HappyAsASandboy Sun 24-May-20 15:33:28

Ha ha ha ..... if it wasn't so unfair it'd be funny. Of course you can figure out what his pension is worth - you write to the pension provider and ask them and they send you a valuation. Easy as that.

Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 15:36:21

If i could figure out a way to do it i would, i have no savings and struggle as it is hence i havent been able to seek help.

What is the judge likely to do if he doesnt agree with the consent order?

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Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 15:37:39

I didnt know i was able to write to his pension provider, thank you

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Istwowyes17262 Sun 24-May-20 15:44:18

You need the CETV of it OP. It’s the cash equivalent transfer value. He must provide this as part of the divorce. What if his pension is worth 300k? Half of that should be yours if not more.

Istwowyes17262 Sun 24-May-20 15:45:58

@Whichway15 can’t you apply for legal aid as you’ve said yourself that you are petrified of him.... which indicates to me DV? You are entitled to legal aid if that is the case

peperethecat Sun 24-May-20 15:46:35

Basically the only asset is his pension, which i know he doesnt want me to have

Well, no shit, but he might have no choice in the matter if you had some proper legal advice.

Pensions can be very valuable. You should fight for your fair share.

peperethecat Sun 24-May-20 15:47:57

Well hes telling me thats there no way to figure out what his pension is worth so its impossible to tell.

And this is total bollocks. As a PP said, you can have his pension valued. This is what actuaries do.

Whichway15 Sun 24-May-20 15:49:38

I dont believe i can apply for legal aid as it was years of emotional abuse, the only time it was physical was when id had a drink which of course was all in my head the next day. Theres no proof of anything and unfortunately i am up against a very clever guy. Just feeling very stuck right now

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peperethecat Sun 24-May-20 15:59:49

Is your local citizens advice bureau open?

I don't think you have any real interest in signing this consent order.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Sun 24-May-20 17:06:57

Don’t agree to that consent order, the judge will only sign off what you have already agreed to. I have seen it happening even when it was a more than unfair split.

You don’t need to use a solicitor, you can self represent but before you go to court you might be asked to try family mediation.

This service is lead by especially trained solicitors who help you work through the process to agree a resolution. They charge according to your income.

If you are short of money, get The Which Guide to Divorce (and read all that is relevant to you) getting the same advice this book can give you from a solicitor would cost £1000s yet the book is less than £30 and has all the general info that you need.

If the only asset to dispute is the pension, please don’t sign that consent order and much less so in the advice of his solicitor, S/he is his solicitor not yours and definitively not the judge, so please don’t feel intimidated or pressured to sign, what his solicitor tells you is just to get what your ex wants.

GabriellaMontez Sun 24-May-20 17:23:52

I was so desperate to leave, I didn't take a portion of 'his' pension.

Now I lie awake wondering how I'll survive retirement.

How can he afford a solicitor but you cant?

Gather every last ounce of strength to deal with this now or risk regretting it forever

Stripesgalore Sun 24-May-20 17:33:42

If you are on benefits, you should be entitled to free legal help to cover the costs of mediation. You do not need to be a dv victim to get this.

A mediator would draw up a fair summary of proposals from which a consent order could be produced.

Of course he can easily find out the pension value. That is a lie. For a consent order he has to provide you with info on all of his assets.

The starting point at mediation is 50/50. A mediator will not agree to a proposal that was so unfair a judge would later refuse it.

If mediation fails you would then have to apply for legal aid. That would require DV evidence, but you can get this through reporting the emotional and physical abuse to the police, who will then pass you on to further evidence support. They will write you a letter which will get you access to legal aid.

Lying about pensions etc is just a continuation of the abuse. The DV caseworker will have seen it all before hundreds of times.

Stripesgalore Sun 24-May-20 17:35:56

Will also add that it is easy to apply for the free legal help. Get an appointment with a mediator and they will fill out the forms for you at the first session.

Mindblowninbrisvegas Sun 24-May-20 17:54:06

Do you live in a university town? Lots of university law schools run free legal clinics now which may be able to give you some advice ?

You will definitely qualify for legal aid for mediation so that’s a good starting point.

A division of assets that looks unequal where the weaker party hasn’t had legal advice will almost certainly be refused by the district judge. I would expect the court either to write to you and ask if you’ve had advice or to list a brief court appointment so they can talk to you.

Good luck.

Home42 Sun 24-May-20 17:57:05

You just write to the pension people and they tell you the value of the pension. You just need to say it’s for divorce purposes.

iloverock Sun 24-May-20 20:35:50

The judge has the final approval. It doesn't matter if you two have agreed anything. The judge can and they often do refuse to approve them.

Please do not be bullied by him, you are entitled to a share of his pension. He needs to get his CETV of his pension.

A pension share doesn't necessarily cost much. It depends on the costs set by the pension company. Some charge a lot some don't.

Please dint agree to this.

If he has been abusive go and see your GP and tell them what's been going on. Then go and see a firm that offers legal aid.

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