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AIBU to ditch my friend...

(37 Posts)
Carrie7469 Sun 24-May-20 12:01:36

... Or at least tell her to stop this?

I've got a friend who texts me every single night before she goes to bed to say "good night". That's it, she never puts anything else. It's driving me mad and I never reply, but she's been doing it for weeks.
She's very sensitive and struggles with anxiety. She's also been sectioned in the past.
I don't want to be unkind but I just want her to stop doing this
Should I ask her to stop? Honestly, it's driving me mad

OP’s posts: |
Cherrysoup Sun 24-May-20 12:04:42

Driving you mad? Just carry on ignoring, why is it such a hassle? My phone never has sound on, habit from work, so maybe do that? Or put her on the list of do not disturb?

If it’s really driving you nuts, tell her she woke you up, could she please not text last thing.

Carrie7469 Sun 24-May-20 12:06:34

Yes, I could carry on ignoring I guess so I don't upset her. I've got a family member who's seriously ill, so putting the phone on do not disturb isn't really an option at the moment

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sun 24-May-20 12:06:42

I'll be honest, I don't understand why this is so unbearable. It's just a brief text, she's not showing up at your door for a cuddle. I'm thinking she's just lonely and trying to stay connected in some way. Why is this such a massive, intolerable situation?

Smellbellina Sun 24-May-20 12:07:31

Just ignore it it’s only a text.

Ski4130 Sun 24-May-20 12:08:22

She’s been sectioned in the past and you can’t bring yourself to accept a very brief text from her every night without wanting to tell her to stop? With friends like you ....

Aquamarine1029 Sun 24-May-20 12:08:34

putting the phone on do not disturb isn't really an option at the moment

Yes it is. All you have to do is make a favorites list, allow those calls to come through, and everyone else in your contacts will fall under do not disturb. It's not rocket science.

zscaler Sun 24-May-20 12:09:31

Can you mute that conversation? I’m sure there are things you can do to ensure only certain numbers give notifications, you could maybe sort it so your relatives’ messages give you an alert but hers don’t.

Ski4130 Sun 24-May-20 12:10:42

You can absolutely mute a text conversation, I’ve done it several times.

Mummatobe2020 Sun 24-May-20 12:11:42

Not being funny buy this is so minor even if a littlr wierd she obviously cares about you. Just ignore it!

Witchofzog Sun 24-May-20 12:12:37

Yabvu. I am struggling to understand the problem here and bearing in mind your friend struggles with her mental health, how difficult would it be to actually text back goodnight. It takes 5 seconds but that acknowlegment could make a huge difference in her mental health at minimal input from you. The more I think about this the more I am actually starting to think this is a reverse.

Ducksarenotmyfriends Sun 24-May-20 12:13:22

You would seriously ditch a friend over this?

vampirethriller Sun 24-May-20 12:14:40

Being sectioned means she's also been very ill. Let her have a bit of comfort.

dudsville Sun 24-May-20 12:14:43

What is it about this that bothers you, does it feel like a request or demanded in some way?

Karmagoat Sun 24-May-20 12:20:12

maybe she needs to ditch you, some friend!

Chloemol Sun 24-May-20 12:21:33

Just put the phone on silent. It’s obviously helping here soas a friend why would t you let it continue

RainbowGlittersandSparkles Sun 24-May-20 12:24:50

Is there more to this? Because a simple goodnight text would make me smile not annoyed.

OldEvilOwl Sun 24-May-20 12:30:02

Wow just ignore it if it bothers you that much. Imagine how she feels when you don't even bother replying or acknowledging her messages, and then you tell her to stop/dump her! Harsh

Carrie7469 Sun 24-May-20 12:32:48

Yes, you're all right, I am being harsh. I wouldn't dump her over this or anything else. I'm just on edge at the moment and this little thing is really getting to me. I'll be kinder

OP’s posts: |
BackforGood Sun 24-May-20 12:33:08

I presume that if you are in the unfortunate position of receiving terrible news of your family member in the middle of the night, they will phone you, not casually send a text.
So, turn the text notification off and leave the ring tone on.


Perfectstorm12 Sun 24-May-20 12:37:07

You're not being harsh, this would annoy me too. I have anxiety, but just because I have mental illness does not mean I think that people have to walk on egg shells around me. I don't fully understand why she is still sending them while you are not replying, but if neither of you need or want a conversation around that then I think muting the notifications and carrying on as you are is fine. Sooner or later though you will need to pick this up and change it though as it doesn't seem fair for either of you to continue when you may well both feel because she's sending it and her because you're not replying!

Carrie7469 Sun 24-May-20 12:40:59

I do have other conversations with her, both on the phone and by text. It's just the "good night" ones that I don't reply to

OP’s posts: |
missperegrinespeculiar Sun 24-May-20 13:03:38

but what is the problem? can you articulate what bothers you? is it that you think she expects an answer and you feel this puts pressure on you? otherwise it seems such a minor thing...

SnuggyBuggy Sun 24-May-20 13:05:25

Is this the only thing or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

user1471441839 Sun 24-May-20 13:11:34

This would annoy me too. I was in a similar position with a friend and every evening I felt I was waiting for the message and I couldn't relax . I felt it was imposing on my time. I know it seems like a little thing but when its every evening, it becomes a 'thing '

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