Should I call the police?

[ChiaWatermelon]

Right,

EXH has had DS(8) since Thursday, the agreement was that he would return him yesterday (Saturday) now he has decided that he wants to keep him for a few more days.

He is the kind of man that you can never be nice to, because he always take advantage. We are in the middle of covid 19 and I thought I was doing the right thing by letting DS spend time with him for a few days, I have been worried since I let him go because I don’t know what kind of people EXH has got my son around, and to be honest with you he hasn’t good legal track record neither.

I really don’t know what to do, do you think I’m over exaggerating by wanting to call the police, to go over to EXH and DS and return him home to me.

Thanks

[ElectricTonight]

What agreement was this, through the courts or a verbal agreement? If he's on the birth certificate then the police can't do anything.

[MagentaRocks]

The police won’t go and fetch him for you. You need to get a court order to set out when he can have him.

[ChiaWatermelon]

@ElectricTonight No court agreement, yes he is on the birth certificate and my sons carry his surname.

[ElectricTonight]

Unfortunately there's nothing the police can do as he's the father and he has every right to have his son, it's a civil matter and if you want something set in stone you will have to go through the courts. Sorry.

[ChiaWatermelon]

Thanks for your help, I just can’t cope... it’s just one thing after another with my life.

[ShowOfHands]

As others have said, there's no point calling the police because there is no crime here.

You need to see a solicitor and get everything arranged formally.

[IKEA888]

Sadly agree with the others.
I hope tomorrow you can get some more help.
100% time for a court agreement

[borntohula]

Bless you and your DS. DD's dad did this once and I had to apply for an emergency court order which was granted pretty quickly from what I recall. It was awful for me and confusing for DD so that's really thoughtful of your ex. 🙄

Good luck

[ChiaWatermelon]

@borntohula

Thank you, I will definitely be applying for a court order when he does decide to return him.

[Rose789]

Apply for a court order now today. Don’t wait until the kids are back when he fancies dropping them off.

[borntohula]

OP, I hope you can talk to your DS in the meantime and are able to reassure him that everything is ok (I know it's not but if he thinks you're calm, hopefully it will be easier for him too).

[Hellokitty82]

I agree I don't think the police would do anything and from previous experience doing admin for a local social Services's at the county council if you believe (as you have said) you have concerns about the sort of people he's got near him and doesn't have a good legal record the first question they would be asking is why on earth did you send children to that environment?????

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that's why they would be saying

[LevoMental]

Why are you panicking? Has he done this before? If your DS is safe and wont come to any harm, try to calm down and think rationally - I mean that kindly. Can you call or text your son in the meantime? Is he happy spending time with his dad normally?

Focus your energy into getting a court order set out to prevent this happening again. I would think the reality of having a child to look after long term will mean he doesn't keep this up for long.

[Saladmakesmesad]

Is your son ok?

If he is I would sit tight, be careful and get your son back in a few days. And don’t let him go again.

[PowerStruggle]

...have you asked you ex to bring him back?

[ChiaWatermelon]

@Hellokitty82

Because my son kept on crying and I couldn’t calm him down, that’s the only reason.


@LevoMental No he hasn’t done this before, I have spoke to my son and he is fine, I know I shouldn’t be worrying but I just don’t trust EXH

[Hellokitty82]

@ChiaWatermelon
I know things are very difficult just now for everyone for a variety of reason but safety of children must be paramount
It is hard when children are crying but if he isn't a law abiding citizen you could potentially buy your son in danger.

Phone up your local county council now, children's services and please be completely honest with them. Tell them he was upset and crying and you wanted him to see his dad but on reflection you are worried about x, y and z

Trust me, they will appreciate your honesty and that will stand you in good stead. If they take the view you are hiding things from them and have sent him there "to have a break" and no thought of his welfare you could be sent o be as bad as him.

Also - do you want your son mixing with someone like that?? Is that kind of interaction leading a small boy to be an off the rails teenager?

Think of the bigger picture
Phone them now, get some help and hopefully you'll intercept this and nip it in the bud before it gets too serious

Sending you big hugs as I know it's hard

[Hellokitty82]

My predicitve text on this phone is terrible sorry for the typos!

[ToelessPobble]

Police can do a welfare check if you explain why you have concerns. Unless there is an immediate risk to his welfare they will not have the grounds to remove him from there back to your care. You will need to apply for an Emergency Child Arrangement Order. There is lots of advice online if you Google it. I am pretty sure that is the correct form below but hopefully others can confirm.

Social Services have no legal powers to remove a child without a court order and the burden of proof would be higher than for the child arrangement order.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

[ToelessPobble]

This is a good page and covers if a child is not returned.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/residence/

[ChiaWatermelon]

@Hellokitty82

Thank you so much for your kind words, you’re so lovely. I have only got myself to blame for this, I should have never gave into DS(8) now I have to wait patiently and full of anxiety for EXH to return him.

[ChiaWatermelon]

@ToelessPobble

I don’t think DS(8) is at risk, EXH wouldn’t let any harm come to him, but like I said EXH is not a law abiding citizen and I don’t know who he has got around my son, we are in the middle of Covid 19 and I doubt that he is self isolating.

[borntohula]

Chia, don't beat yourself up. If and when it goes to Court, they will probably recommend joint residence regardless, especially if your DS is happy being with you both. Unless your ex is particularly horrific, it's likely to be considered in the child's best interests. That was my experience anyway.

[Yankathebear]

Not law abiding in what way? Violence? Drugs?

[ToelessPobble]

He might not be such an immediate risk but it doesn't mean you have to accept him keeping your son after the agreed period. You can apply directly to the court for his return. I really feel for you as these situations are so messy.

I forgot to add this form if you cannot afford the court fees. You have to complete your income and outgoings and they may agree to reduce or remove the fee.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-help-with-court-and-tribunal-fees