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Partner staying in bed

(62 Posts)
Akonknew Sun 24-May-20 08:20:44

My partner is a great dad and will do anything for us. But he has this thing of staying up late. Really late. Then the next day he is tired. He has a headache. Bla bla bla. Whenever I say about 10pm have an early night he says I'm not tired and will watch interviews on his phone of boxsets on Tele. He often falls asleep on the sofa. Usually my toddler comes through at about 1am and gets in our room. (Don't need opinions on this as they grow out of it) i have an older child too.

Every morning we come down to him still asleep on the sofa. On the rare night he sleeps upstairs his snoring is so loud my DD gets annoyed with him lol!!! So do I tbf but I try and sleep through it.

I have been on and off struggling with anemia for months now. Under the drs and being treated but it's been hard. I'm exhausted in the evenings. I often feel a little sick. I am trying to get rest so I can get the best out of the day.

Yesterday my partner was more tired than usual and needed an early night. So he took the kids up and I cleaned up downstairs. He ended up letting both kids sleep in our bed and was zonked. I decided to sit downstairs and have a cuppa. At 10.30 I tried to sleep on the sofa. But I didn't feel safe downstairs. So eventually got in my daughter's bed at 2am because she was in mine!!!!

Heard my son wake up and heard my partner chatting to him and open the baby gate. Then he told him to go downstairs. To my shock he didn't follow him. I heard my two year old shouting mummy. Then he came upstairs again and finally found me. I got up and said to my partner in a Maddy voice that's abit unfair sending him to me. He just laughed. I said to him well that's it now I'll be exhausted all day and brought my son down for breakfast. He's still in bed. (11 hours now) and I've had 5 hours.

Why the heck is it always a women's job!

P.s in ready to get torn to shreds but maybe someone may be nice lol

OP’s posts: |
Pacmanitee Sun 24-May-20 08:26:59

Yep, my DH used to stay up until the early hours just watching telly or whatever, which is fine, he can do what he wants, but staying in bed until midday or whatever with a baby and leaving it to me everyday was intolerable. I said to him one morning at the weekend lie in as long as you want, the other day I get a lie in, or honestly don't bother coming back at all (he works away during the week so I do everything then as well as work). He has begrudgingly done so since, but it's so selfish.

Porridgeoat Sun 24-May-20 08:31:21

Keep sending the kids to him during the day

Porridgeoat Sun 24-May-20 08:32:35

Take up walking. An hour each morning and leave him in charge

Akonknew Sun 24-May-20 08:32:48

It's really frustrating. My partner is working from home and I've got the kids all day. I'm mentally exhausted from it all. He's lucky if he sleeps his body will feel ok. Sometimes I'm too weak to walk the kids to the park.

Glad you found a way to be more equal. I think they want man time when they kids are asleep and all the rest. But they need to realise that we would like a quiet night too but we have to go to bed as we have kids.

I bet he won't be up until at least ten. It just makes us all out of sync for the day. I wanted to go in the woods today but I feel dead now. Typical.

OP’s posts: |
Akonknew Sun 24-May-20 08:36:02

I want to go for a shower. Tempted to dump my son on to of his head

OP’s posts: |
Akonknew Sun 24-May-20 08:36:12


OP’s posts: |
cottonwoolbrain Sun 24-May-20 08:45:55

I'm ashamed to say opp8here
Dp always been an early risers. Hes usually ul at 6am. I tend to sleep in if I possibly can. I have nocturnal seizures from time to time which are now controlled by medication. Only trouble is meds result in me having very vivid dreams which usually turn to nightmares so still wake up exhausted and often somewhat disturbed. Dp tends to bring me a cup of tea and wake me gently.

I read mumsnet and realise I'm extremely lucky.

Snaleandthewhail Sun 24-May-20 08:48:39

Dump you’d son on his head and go back to bed. You split the lie ins easily. Even if you don’t sleep, it is your time and you do not get disturbed (unless by breakfast in bed at a pre arranged time).

He’s a selfish arse.

cottonwoolbrain Sun 24-May-20 08:51:56

sorry my typing is diabolical.. not sure how it manifested itself so badly

Oysterbabe Sun 24-May-20 08:52:42

Night time sounds like a nightmare in your house. I would be livid at him sending a 2 year old downstairs alone in the middle of the night.

You all really need to work towards every member of your household going to their own bed at a reasonable time and staying there.

LillianBland Sun 24-May-20 08:52:48

My partner is a great dad and will do anything for us.

Well that’s blatantly untrue, isn’t it? I’ve read your whole post and all I can see is a lazy shite of a man who has opted out of being a father.

CiderJolly Sun 24-May-20 08:53:11

He is a dick. Is he likely to change? Can you put up with it if he doesn’t?
You might not be able to change him but you have choice as to whether you accept this as your life.

Friendsofmine Sun 24-May-20 08:56:56

Doesn't sound like a great dad to me either.

Why aren't you sending the kids to him in the day to have a rest?

Also, it sounds a shit relationship in general not sharing a bed not having any intimacy etc. I'm not sure how sustainable this is.

YellowPenny Sun 24-May-20 09:02:38

I'd be so upset and disappointed if my husband treated me like yours does.

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 24-May-20 09:03:56

He will not change, OP. You exist to facilitate him and that's it. Make your decisions based on that fact.

Thuglife Sun 24-May-20 09:09:57

TBH I don’t know the solution to this- anyone(and it is mainly men) who thinks this ok doesn’t change imo. It’s one of many reasons why ExP is an ex. He would stay up until all hours and then lie in bed until midday at the earliest. This was annoying when it was just us but after I’d had Dd it was like a form of torture. I used to beg him to get out of bed but he just didn’t care, his own needs were more important. I couldn’t trust him with her, if I tried to have a nap he would ignore her whilst he either played on his Xbox or fell asleep on the sofa. I’d be woken by Dd crying or coming to look for me.
He’d be resentful of me going to bed earlier than him as he wanted me to stay up and keep him company.
I’m ashamed of myself that I let it continue as long as I did. My life although tiring as a single parent is infinitely less exhausting than the continual disappointment of wishing and hoping I could be supported. He’s still a waste of a pulse but a least I don’t have to deal with it. Put yourself and your children first x

Teacher12345 Sun 24-May-20 09:11:34

This is ridiculous.
When We had DS I did all mornings because he was BF and would need me anyway.
When FF DD came along I told DH it was time to take turns and he has always done it willingly. You need to set expectations.

GabriellaMontez Sun 24-May-20 09:13:27

Your partner is a shit dad.

Is he the father of your children?

Cherrysoup Sun 24-May-20 09:17:53

Dump the kids on him and go out or put on the baby gate and go back to bed.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Sun 24-May-20 09:17:54

Have you spoken to him about stepping up and doing his share or more to help out when you're anaemic? Its horribly unfair that youre doing the early mornings when youre tired with an illness and he is tired through his own choices. I'd start by dumping the kids on him while you go for a nap and then later on tell him you want to take it in turns to sleep late. If he is tired because he stays up late that's his choice

LovingLola Sun 24-May-20 09:30:22

Read your opening post.
What exactly makes you think he is a great dad who would do anything for you?

Macncheeseballs Sun 24-May-20 09:34:30

Its completely selfish, once you have kids you should adapt your life

mudpiemaker Sun 24-May-20 09:35:20

My partner is a great dad and will do anything for us

Well clearly this is not the case as he doesn't get out of bed for either you or the children. He is an arse.

Mamia15 Sun 24-May-20 09:38:37

He's NOT a great dad. He sounds like a sexist lazy pig. Not a good role model for your DC - they are learning from him how relationships and family life works.

Grow some balls.

Tell him to grow up and do his share of the parenting and household chores instead of leaving it all to you.

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