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To ask what would you do if...

(385 Posts)
Rainbow12e Sat 23-May-20 22:31:29

Your partner of 3 months said he was bisexual? Not me in this situation but one of my friends. She is perfectly ok with it which is great as it means they can continue to be as happy as they are. Just thinking about how I would take the news if my partner announced this to me. I don't think I could stay with him. Please do not take that as me being homophobic (My best friend is gay). I just don't think I could ever feel comfortable. How would you respond?

Choice4567 Sat 23-May-20 22:33:36

Yeah for me you are very unreasonable. But you are allowed to choose who you date so in that sense completely up to you. Why would it make any difference though?

Rainbow12e Sat 23-May-20 22:45:12

As I said, it isn't me, it's my friend.
I also said I am very plainly not homophobic but that personally, I would not be comfortable having a sexual relationship with a bisexual man.

LouiseTrees Sat 23-May-20 22:49:46

My concern would not be that they were bisexual in the past but that they have felt the need to say they are bisexual now. I’d still want a monogamous/exclusive relationship, as long as they understood being bisexual wasn’t an out for that then I think I’d be okay.

Rumtopf Sat 23-May-20 22:50:42

If they were upfront about it at the very beginning of the relationship (before having sex) then absolutely fine, wouldn't bother me at all once I knew we both had a clean bill of health - but that applies to hetero partners too tbh.
If he dropped it as a bit of a bombshell after 3 months, no I'd not be happy as I'd feel as if I'd been lied to.

Yearcat13 Sat 23-May-20 22:51:29

I'd be fine.

FOJN Sat 23-May-20 22:51:49

Not sure the bi bit would bother me as much as it taking 3 months for him to mention it. I would have expected it to come up sooner like mentioning being previously married, having children, having served a prison sentence or maybe having a significant health issue. Although to be fair I haven't dated for a while and I think things are a bit different these days.

CuppaZa Sat 23-May-20 22:52:50

Wouldn’t bother me

FlamingoAndJohn Sat 23-May-20 22:53:25

I would not be comfortable having a sexual relationship with a bisexual man.

Do you think there would be a point where he would want sexual activity that you couldn’t provide?
If so then you have a trust issue.

BumpBundle Sat 23-May-20 22:53:42

I'm curious why it would bother you, if you're not biphobic?

Twigletfairy Sat 23-May-20 22:56:42

As someone who is bisexual, I would be really angry if someone left me because of my sexuality and I would find it homophobic. You are making a negative judgement based purely on sexuality.

What makes you feel uncomfortable about someone who feels attraction to people of both sex?

Elieza Sat 23-May-20 22:57:43

I wouldn’t care.
Unless that somehow meant he was more likely to shag someone(s) begins my back.
Can’t stand unfaithfulness.

YgritteSnow Sat 23-May-20 23:04:09

This thread will go south as all threads about bisexuality do. I wonder if that's why you started it? There's another thread running right now about drag - another bone of contention on MN - almost feels coordinated...

In answer to this OP. I am a heterosexual woman. I am only interested in relationships with heterosexual men. So I would politely end the relationship.

Jabba2020 Sat 23-May-20 23:13:05

It wouldn't and hasn't bothered me in previous relationships but 3 months is a long time for him not to mention it.

bridgetreilly Sat 23-May-20 23:20:35

I can't think of any sane reason why this would make someone uncomfortable. Personally, I think most of us, given the right circumstances, could fancy people of both sexes. But being bisexual doesn't make you any more likely to be unfaithful than not. In fact all the bisexual people I know are in long term opposite-sex relationships.

Rainbow12e Sat 23-May-20 23:21:51

It's just my preference. I would feel uncomfortable being with a man who was sexually attracted to other men. I don't think that makes me homophobic at all. You missed the part where I said I had a gay best friend clearly.

Lula11 Sat 23-May-20 23:22:07

I think all sexuality’s should be respected.
Some people wouldn’t have an issue with it.
I’ve had sexual relationships with men and women in the past but am much more attracted to men.
I would only want a relationship with a straight man. I’ve no idea why by the way, but it’s my choice.

BuffaloCauliflower Sat 23-May-20 23:23:26

Wouldn’t bother me. I’m bisexual, but generally prefer men and am married to a man, but I’ve slept with women in the past. Assuming a man wanted the same monogamous relationship as me (and bisexual men are no more likely to cheat than straight men) it wouldn’t be a problem who they’d previously slept with. Why should it?

Brefugee Sat 23-May-20 23:23:30

Bisexual doesn't mean not-monogamous though.

pumpkinbump Sat 23-May-20 23:25:14

To be honest it's not something I would be comfortable with either and I'm not really sure why.

YgritteSnow Sat 23-May-20 23:28:19

I don't think that makes me homophobic at all.

You're right, it doesn't smile

TheHighestSardine Sat 23-May-20 23:29:05

Wouldn't be fussed at all, unless they'd already had one of those "prior relationships were like this" sharing chat and they'd lied (by omission or actively). That would raise an eyebrow, but I could accept it if there hadn't also been a chat where I'd said that I'm cool with that sort of thing - people get nervous to reveal that sort of thing, after all.

If they'd hidden it with intent, that'd be a concern. If they'd been anxious about my response and only after three months had worked out I'd be fine with it and they could relax, not a problem.

It is also not a problem for other people to be more picky about who they're fucking. Picky is good! Look at all the shitty relationships we post about on Mumsnet because someone has ignored red flags.

Rosebel Sat 23-May-20 23:41:10

I think I'd be annoyed at being lied to for 3 months but accept it might not be the easiest thing to admit to.
However I would wonder if they are telling me because they want to have sex with me and a,same sex partner and I would not be okay with that. If they were just being honest though I think it would be fine.

Samtsirch Sat 23-May-20 23:46:22

I think 3 months is perhaps a long time to wait until mentioning it, but if the sex is safe and consensual I wouldn’t see a problem.
I think regardless of sexual preference, as long as the couple involved are on the same page regarding fidelity/ expectations / respect etc , then things will work out well.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sat 23-May-20 23:46:46

Sorry to not be politically correct here but no way would I choose to go out with someone who is bisexual- that’s 100% my right and choice

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