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I'm ill but he's so very much worse.

(9 Posts)
babynewt Sat 23-May-20 19:29:16

DH is usually lazy, though I'm in the middle of an acute flare, of a chronic condition. Took all morning to clean one bloody bathroom, as had to keep stopping. Yet he complained about his back and he was in pain. Offered sympathetic words, but after 23yrs of marriage, really believed he was taking the piss. Suggested he could do a non-physical job (even though it should very much be me doing this) he then complained of feeling dizzy. Fast forward six hours, no problem in going out to buy booze. Am beyond worried about my illness, as being monitored, as Dr not to keen, understandably on giving me steroids which would put me in the shielding group. Teenage son's can see it, and have helped me, but one said "Dad should think about what he really values" At end of my tether, not even caring much and feeling very low.

picklemewalnuts Sat 23-May-20 19:36:24

That sounds awful. DH gets ill if I'm ill, but it's subconscious. When I point it out he realises what he's doing and sorts himself out.

Can you find a time when you aren't feeling too bad to ask him about it?

Realistically you should stop and not do these things. Then have a family discussion about what to do.

babynewt Sat 23-May-20 19:50:30

thanks picklemewalnuts, won't rule out that it could be subconscious, but hard not to believe he's just playing the victim.

Just so shit, and yes, I should definitely not be doing this, but the place looking filthy isn't helping, especially when going outside for me is so restrictive it's in my face the whole time.

I know the conversation needs to take place, but am so fed up with his excuses, and projecting so I'm the one in the wrong! It's wearing.

Halloweenbabyy Sat 23-May-20 20:16:50

Has he been this lazy for 23 years?? Put a stop to him been lazy.

pussycatinboots Sat 23-May-20 20:19:17

You have raised a lovely son though, even if their Dad is a bit of a dick.

crosser62 Sat 23-May-20 20:20:26

Oh no op.

You can’t go on another 5,10,15,20 years of this misery can you.
Can you really see yourself doing this in the future?

AnneElliott Sat 23-May-20 20:21:41

I get you op. H is like this. I'm I'll, he's dying. I'm tired, he's exhausted. I'm busy, he's overwhelmed.

Not got much advice I'm afraid. I completely ignore any whinging but it doesn't result in him pulling his weight.

Hollyhobbi Sat 23-May-20 20:51:24

My mum had surgery for breast cancer recently and had her first sessions of radiotherapy this week at a hospital that has a separate building where you can stay live in for the week if you live a certain distance from it. Shes just had my sister running around a shop today to buy him ready meals as both my parents are cocooning. But they also have a food delivery booked. My dad can't even boil an egg. And it's completely my mums fault. She's leaving him instructions on how to turn on the oven!!

Idododoidadada Sat 23-May-20 20:56:18

I get you @babynewt
I have chronic conditions. I mostly muddle through silently but, guaranteed, if I ever feel desperately bad & say “I’m struggling/feeling this that or the other/sore” DH will suddenly start suffering back ache, sore throat, aching...... whatever is flaring with me.

I’ve taken to saying “I can’t suffer anything on my own can I? Or I can’t have anything myself can I” He soon shuts up. @AnneElliott you should try it too.

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