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WIBU to tell DM that I don't really want to hear about sibling's marriage problems?

(10 Posts)
b0redb0redb0red Sat 23-May-20 16:36:30

Just what the title says really. I'm not a bitch - I'm genuinely here if anyone needs me, especially my nephews. I'm just weary of hearing endless moaning about what a terrible person DSIL is from DM. DSIL isn't necessarily the easiest person but the immediate reason the marriage is imploding is that DB had an emotional affair within weeks of DSIL giving birth to their younger son. I'm not sure how far it went, but DB had to tell the other woman he wasn't going to get together with her now she'd got her divorce (a fact which DM relayed to me as evidence of what a great guy DB is) so it sounds as though it wasn't trivial. DB is still my DB however badly he behaved but, equally, I don't want to hear endless excuses from DM for what he did (especially as it's all tied up with her complaining about what a victim she was in her own marriage and how justified her cheating on my DF was). I've made it clear to DSIL that I'm 100 per cent there for her. Otherwise, I just want to get on with my life without DM's second-hand drama!

hannah1992 Sat 23-May-20 17:12:38

Oh I had this but with my MIL telling me about BIL and SIL issues. She even went to the extent of screen shotting me messages that SIL had sent to her about BIL. I sent a message back saying “if SIL wanted me to know about this I’m sure she would have told me herself. She’s has probably told you this in confidence and I feel it’s wrong that you have told me.”

Could you try something like that

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal Sat 23-May-20 17:14:28

Does your mum love drama? I get it’s her son and I would support my boys but you’re right you don’t need to hear it! Emotional vampire she sounds like.

b0redb0redb0red Sat 23-May-20 17:21:24

hannah1992 - At the moment, I'm just repeating "well, they'll just have to work things out between them", on a loop!

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal - yeah, it's fair to say there's always something with her!

AvocaLove Sat 23-May-20 17:22:25

We had a similar situation OP. BIL was sleeping with someone else for 18mths while engaged to his fiancée. It all came to light and obviously she left and the engagement was off. BIL also broke it off with the other girl he’d been seeing and was apparently distraught at having lost everything.

According to MIL it was all his fiancée’s fault - she drove him to it don’t you know?! Don’t get me wrong - it was never the healthiest relationship to begin with, and she wasn’t the easiest person to live with I’m sure but he proposed to her, asked her to move in, and then cheated on her for a lengthy period of time. It was most definitely his fault. MIL wouldn’t hear a word of it though so eventually DH just said to her that he didn’t want to hear anymore about it. She continued to try to bring it up but every time she did DH very unsubtly changed the subject or ended the conversation. She went back to DH’s 2 brothers saying how rude DH was (all my fault of course) and how he wasn’t being a supportive brother, but he was just having none of it.

mbosnz Sat 23-May-20 17:23:23

I've found saying 'well, no-one ever knows exactly what goes on in another person's marriage, and I really don't want to hear about it, I'm sure there's enough shit that would stick on either side', generally does it.

b0redb0redb0red Sat 23-May-20 18:48:31

"Don’t get me wrong - it was never the healthiest relationship to begin with, and she wasn’t the easiest person to live with I’m sure but he proposed to her, asked her to move in, and then cheated on her for a lengthy period of time."

Pretty much this (with the addition of "he made a positive decision to have kids with her, even though he now says the marriage hasn't worked for years"). At the end of the day, I'm not one to damn a person for making one bad mistake, and I generally agree with mbosnz that you never know what goes on in a marriage. But I don't want the gory details or the justifications either.

monkeymonkey2010 Sat 23-May-20 19:03:03

Cut her crap dead in its tracks OP.
Next time she starts, just tell her firmly "BIL had the affair and i'm not interested in hearing you slagging off SIL"
Every time she slags SIL, remind her that her Golden Child is the disgusting, cheating, good for nothing.

If she won't shut up about it, tell her to piss off.

b0redb0redb0red Sat 23-May-20 20:01:25

I don't think I have the guts to say that to my mother, monkey, but I like your style!

Tappering Sat 23-May-20 20:23:39

What's stopping you from saying "I don't want to talk about this. Let's change the subject"?

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