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What do I do

(20 Posts)
Ladyapinks Fri 22-May-20 21:32:50

We moved into a housing association end of terrace house almost a year ago .

I have 3 children 6 yo with severe asd non verbal and 4 year old twins .

Next door is an elderly lady with 2 grown up sons and one with asd too.

When we moved in she came around and we introduced ourselves and I apologised in advance for any noise especially as my asd son does a lot of vocal stimming and she said oh no problems that it doesn't bother her and she works with children in church as volunteer at stay and play and also gave me tips as her son is also autistic though verbal.

A few weeks later she came to complain about noise and my children throwing stuff into her garden .I apologised and since then I stay with the children whenever we are in the garden as we have a trampoline and swing there for my son and at times they throw toys across especially my asd son.

I also moved their bedroom to the the end wall side with and locked the middle room as she complained about noise from the bedrooms too .

Today I got a call from our housing association that they have had reports from our neighbours about anti social behaviour and the officer did not say who made the complaint and he also spoke about children throwing toys into their Gardena d he made it sound as if it was the entire neighbourhood complaining .

he said they also complained about slamming of doors which is untrue as we don't slam doors .Last week my son locked himself in the room and we had to call the fire brigade at night and we tried opening the door before calling the fire brigade so I guess that's what they were referring to as banging as we tried to force the door open .so from this I know it's them as they are the only ones next to us.

I digress.Their garden is like a thick forest ,overgrown with weeds and all sorts of crap broken fridges , microwaves and practically unusable they don't go in there at all except to throw food out for pigeons which have been messing up our entire garden with poo and most of the time I have to pick up the poo before I can let my kids out so they dont step on it but I didn't complain as I didn't want to rock any boat as we are new.

After prodding the housing officer said I should know who has complained from the throwing of toys and he said he told her to be understanding as kids are all home because of lockdown and no one has any control as these are difficult times but he said I should try and keep it down but that he understands especially having a child with a disability.

I am thinking of writing a letter to her to explain things or what would you do in my case.sorry this is very long .Would you also complain about the pigeons they are feeding daily as they shit on our trampoline and on the patio and all over the fence,I do not want it to seem like I am retaliating because she has reported us.

What will you do ?Thanks if you were able to read to the

Bluntness100 Fri 22-May-20 21:37:14

I’m not really sure how you pick up pigeon poo or that there is any law against feeding pigeons, so yes it would look like you’re making stuff up to complain.

However this is difficult, she likely has a valid complaint but she should have more empathy due to your child’s disability, your housing officer seems to have given you good advice,

ViciousJackdaw Fri 22-May-20 22:20:57

at times they throw toys across especially my asd son

So all three of your DC throw toys over then? What happens after the toys land in NDN's garden? Are they retrieved? Does she bring them back to you or do you have to enter her garden to get them?

Ladyapinks Fri 22-May-20 22:39:03

They don't throw them back so I have to go and knock on their door .And apologise to throw back to us

There are still a few bits and pieces there that have been thrown there but I haven't been there cos of COVID 19

Leaannb Fri 22-May-20 22:57:35

Yeah.... that crap would be going into the trash. Your neighbor shouldn't have to deal.with that crap.

inwood Fri 22-May-20 23:01:02

Feeding pigeons is going to attract rats.

Put a net up so your kids stuff can't go over.

B0bbin Fri 22-May-20 23:05:50

YANBU. That's really hard on you. You have taken steps to be a more considerate neighbour. Some people just like to complain.

Dotty1970 Fri 22-May-20 23:18:43

How are you picking the pigeon poo up?
Why are your other 2

Dotty1970 Fri 22-May-20 23:19:16

Throwing things over?

Sorry sent before finished.

whiplashy Fri 22-May-20 23:24:10

I’ve never known anyone to ‘pick up’ bird poo

Boulshired Fri 22-May-20 23:36:22

I have a thrower, we allow nothing outside in the garden I have done similar in the bedroom but he now sleeps downstairs. The complaints are hard to deal with especially when you are trying so hard but it’s never good enough. Do not be afraid of the complaints, I try to control the behaviours that I can and minimise the impact of the behaviours I cannot.

Ladyapinks Sat 23-May-20 01:48:26

I pick up with tissue and paper and also use the garden hose to wash it away as my 6 year old has no awareness and will step on it or pick up and smear with his hands .

The twins only threw on one occasion that they were unsupervised and have never done so again .

Thanks for your comments .Will take away all the garden toys and try and minimise the noise .

Euclid Sat 23-May-20 01:54:13

Are you on your own without a husband? That sort of NDN might be intimidated by a man but is obviously very unkind to you.

pumpkinbump Sat 23-May-20 01:57:45

Yes put some sort of bet or screening up so the toys don't go over. Then keep your distance from the vindictive bitch. What an absolute cow. Ignore her if she tried to speak to you. If she comes to you with an issue, give her an email address and tell her to put everything in writing and go from there. People like this who pretend to be understanding and then sneak about are the worst! If someone is slamming doors for whatever reason is none of her fucking business.

pumpkinbump Sat 23-May-20 01:58:11

Net that was meant to say

cabbageking Sat 23-May-20 01:59:34

Take some photos and send them in.

Explain this is there garden and that the items in it are theirs. They can tell from the growth how long they have been there.

Perhaps if they blame you for the mess they think the Council will clear it up?

A photo says so much more.

HannaYeah Sat 23-May-20 02:53:43

How long do you realistically have to keep living there? Do you have options if you wanted to move?

I ask because her yard sounds like a hazardous wasteland and she sounds like an awful neighbor.

I would not write her or do anything more to draw her attention to your family. I saw this because she indicated she understood ASD and children but is now complaining to authorities about your son throwing a few toys into her hazardous pigeon-infested used-appliance wasteland.

That’s not a person you’re going to be able to manage in the way you would a nice normal neighbor. If the toys are that upsetting (or the retrieval process really annoying) she could have just spoken to you at least once rather than making formal complaints!

Ladyapinks Sat 23-May-20 02:54:25

Thanks @euclid I am married and my husband lives here but he's a key worker and works in central london so he is only home late at night and on Sundays.

I will take pictures too and keep for record purposes and will not engage with her as I was thinking of sending her a note to explain things .

We will get some netting and put up going forward .Thanks

Ladyapinks Sat 23-May-20 03:00:17

@Hannahyeah we signed. 5 year tenancy agreement and spent a lot of money as the place was in terrible condition when we were given last year but I guess if we have to move we have to as peace of mind trumps all.

I will go on exchange sites and start looking to see if we are able to exchange as the cost of renting privately is very high.

I was shocked too as she told them not to disclose her identity and the man said he is unable too but I should figure it out from who complained about throwing things into their garden and it seems she had called them more than once as the man said complaints .

I will stay away from her and see if we can move .


HannaYeah Sat 23-May-20 03:26:00

The netting is a good idea. I’d be generally friendly and solicitous, but also document any issues you have.

If she’s just crotchety she may come around after a while.

I do think I’d eventually try to complain anonymously about her yard, as it really sounds awful. It’s just tough because she’s likely to suspect you even if someone else makes the complaint.

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