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To think coronavirus has made some people regret their life choices?

(105 Posts)
FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 11:51:49

After a few conversations with people and seeing some posts on here, a lot of people are really upset about the implications CV has had on them. Eg.
- not being able to see family - because they moved hundreds of miles away from them.
- feeling cooped up/claustrophobic - because they wanted to live in a fancy city apartment rather than a cheaper place further out
- feeling angry they are getting no Government support because they are recently self employed (me sad or any other reason

I could write an entire list but you get the jist. My AIBU is, do you think people will make major life changes after this, e.g. move closer to family or just continue to feel sad about it but make no changes?

Personally, I felt invigorated when I became self employed and felt brave for entering new territory way out of my comfort zone, but CV has really humbled that feeling.

With the whole living away from family, my friends/family who are complaining about this are irritating me tbh. Prior to CV they would complain how it's so hard to see family, how they sometimes feel left out or how they are worrying about their elderly parents. Did they not consider these things before they decided to move hundreds of miles away? I don't suspect these people (in my circle) will be moving anytime soon so why continue to complain? AIBU in that respect?

LouiseTrees Fri 22-May-20 12:01:41

Re living away from family it’s a bit ridiculous as they couldn’t see them anyway even if they lived close. We are in Scotland and live 10 miles from one set of the in laws. We video call them but have not seen them since lockdown began. Now as we come out we’re still not sure we’ll do picnics or anything socially distanced because no amenities will be open and they’ll still not be able to hug the baby. I mean it’s unreasonable not to allow them to complain but in reality no one who is following the rules is living the high life with their family.

Conquistadora Fri 22-May-20 12:07:03

Whatever choices you make in life will have a downside or two, people are allowed to reflect upon that fact sometimes 🙄

DahliaDay Fri 22-May-20 12:08:41

It seems a lot of people are regretting having kids if the recent threads are to be believed!

MouthBreathingRage Fri 22-May-20 12:09:32

Well the family would be hundreds of miles away regardless of Covid, I dont think it's a fair comparison. People are allowed to live away from their families, even if it risks being apart when disater strikes.

As for people living in 'fancy flats', they can still go out. Plus they are still living in their preferred home - Covid isn't forever. Better people live where they'd rather be in the long term rather than move somewhere they hate just for a bit of garden incase another unprecedented quarantine happens.

I'm sorry you're struggling with the fallout of the virus, but it sounds like you have separate issues here with people daring not to stay close to family.

OneRingToRuleThemAll Fri 22-May-20 12:13:32

I live in one of those city centre flats and wouldn't change it for a house in the middle of nowhere. It's made me realise how everything I need is right on my doorstep - shops, walks, parks etc. Maybe I'll move to a city centre house one day but I have no desire to move anywhere rural.

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 12:23:23

I think done people have misunderstood. I'm not criticising anyone for a y of their life choices. It just made me wonder if CV would make people dramatically change anything because of it.

Re. Previous posts about moving away from family, that's exactly my point - people lived far away from families prior to CV but I'm becoming less sympathetic to people complaining about how CV is harder for them because their family is far away. They wouldn't want to move closer to them though🤷‍♀️

bingoitsadingo Fri 22-May-20 12:25:03

Jeez, if people weren't allowed to complain about things because of their life choices there would hardly be any conversations about anything, ever!

I regret a lot of my life choices right now, but there are plenty I don't. I'm going to make some changes, as I've realised my priorities are slightly different, I think a lot of people will, and some people who are talking about it won't, as people's priorities will shift again by the time they are in a position to make changes.

I don't live that close to my mum, normally that's fine, we both have our own lives and don't need or want to see each other a lot. But right now she's shielding so isn't having any of the social contact she would normally have with other people. It would be nice if I lived close enough to be able to go and chat to her through a window and drop off some shopping, but it's too far and I don't have a car. Obviously I didn't consider that an hours train journey would suddenly be a dangerous thing to do on my way to see her, so of course that didn't factor in to my decision making!

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 12:25:25

@Conquistadora I know this. Note I included myself in a potentially regrettable life choice.

CeeCeeEnnEss Fri 22-May-20 12:28:42

Same as you re working for myself. Literally just started in March, was feeling brave and empowered. Now feel stupid for having left a secure job.

muddledmidget Fri 22-May-20 12:33:11

Currently self employed and not affected by covid at all, but am still considering returning to employment. Most of my reasons for becoming self employed such as freedom to travel are no longer relevant due to covid/brexit. Feel like I could return to employment for 5 years or so and build up a bit of a pension and then return to self employment when travel has maybe become a little more easy

SnuggyBuggy Fri 22-May-20 12:34:21

I wasn't really able to consider setting up my adult life near my parents due to being bullied at school. I didn't feel comfortable around the people and would have struggled to find a school for my own children. It was overall a better decision to move somewhere that I didn't have baggage with but the downsides are still there.

Also when I have my child it was a decision made with knowledge that we could go to groups and visit people. The conditions in which parents are expected to raise their children are completely different.

Laaf80 Fri 22-May-20 12:34:55

I don’t think people should beat themselves up for the reasons given.

Choices were made based on the situation at the time. You weren’t to know that the world would change drastically and things won’t be like this forever.

Be kind to yourselves.

(For the record I’m not much of a risk taker which has probably held me back, I’m not projecting here).

LST Fri 22-May-20 12:36:29

@Louise well my mum lives close and I've seen her almost everyday since lockdown. Wouldn't have done if she was miles away!

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 12:48:21

@Laaf80 Very true. In many ways, I'd like to stick to my guns and remain self employed but the reality is, if I can't recoup clients lost, I won't be able to continue.

As for PPs who are happy with their choices (e.g. city centre apartment) that's great! It's good that you are happy with your current situation. I really meant people who aren't happy though. I wondered if they would then not want to live in the city centre anymore or just view it as a difficult time they need to get through.

CaptainWentworth Fri 22-May-20 12:48:25

Well my parents have also moved hundreds of miles away from where I grew up as they were only ever there for my dad’s job. We didn’t have any other family in the area and I now live close to where my mum grew up although still an hour away from their current home. Not everyone grows up in an area surrounded by extended family.

My mums health isn’t so good and they won’t be able to manage in their current house long term (massive unmanageable garden) but we are having a dilemma as I would love them to move closer to us (and hence to amenities etc as well as they are right in the sticks) but mums condition has an element of cognitive problems so we don’t know if it’s a good idea to remove her from her current support network (church) as it would now be hard for her to integrate into a new group.

Also I would not have had a child if I had thought I would effectively have to become a stay at home mum while DH goes out to work, but I didn’t know I wouldn’t have the choice!

WanderingMilly Fri 22-May-20 12:49:40

Yes, I think the virus will make some people re-evaluate their life choices.
Not sure about the moving 100s of miles away choice though, as presumably they moved for work/lifestyle/costs or other reasons? I moved to be nearer family and only just got in before lockdown but I haven't been able to see anyone so it made no difference.

However, I think many people have had the time and space to reflect. They've been locked in at home and it has made them look at what they have got (or haven't) and what they might want instead. Some realise that they'd rather be living in the countryside and we may find people moving out of towns in the future. I am sure many people are evaluating their choice of partner and may finally get to grips with a poor relationship, maybe finally have the courage to make changes or leave. Some will be deciding to change jobs. Some might decide that people, after all, matter more than constantly chasing money and might swap careers. I also hope their might be new thinking about lifestyle and climate change after all this too....

nanbread Fri 22-May-20 12:51:14

Your original post does come across as rather judgemental...

My parents moved 15 years ago, 4.5 hours away so it's not always the children moving btw. They could have chosen to move closer to me, but decided to move closer to my sister instead. There aren't many jobs where they live yet housing is expensive so moving to them isn't really a viable option. Tough on both sides that we won't see them possibly for a year or more.

Am I allowed to complain that I don't get and never have had any childcare help, that my children barely know their GPs, that I won't be able to support them in old age without serious upheaval of my whole family's life?

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 12:51:54

@SnuggyBuggy I completely understand that. There are many reasons people mpve away from family, so absolutely no criticism there. In fact, it doesn't need justifying. It's everyone's choice.

I think some people have assigned themselves to martyrdom when, in many ways, they can look to change their long term situation.

mbosnz Fri 22-May-20 12:54:54

Such idiots were we, not factoring global pandemic into our plans. How very shortsighted of us. . . I mean, really!

museumum Fri 22-May-20 12:56:15

I know people with small cheap homes who used to spend their money travelling and being out and about - some of them are considering buying bigger/better homes and becoming a bit more “homebody”

However most people I know had no choice to move away from their family / elderly parents if they wanted any kind of job.
Where families settled in the 70s/80s and elderly parents remain there are often no jobs due to the massive changes in the 80s around mining and manufacturing.
People can moan about missing their parents when the alternative is staying local to them as lifelong benefits claimants.

GinDaddyRedux Fri 22-May-20 12:58:20

Not everything a person does is a positive self-directed choice. Some things are perhaps forced by circumstance or guided by suffering. You may get some slightly spiky replies from people who have perhaps experienced difficulty in their life that led to tough choices, and who may feel this post is a little goady.

JessicaDay Fri 22-May-20 12:59:46

Actually, it’s been the opposite for me. It’s made me happier with some past choices I was sometimes a bit unsure of.

I am realising though that some things I had hoped to do in the future might no longer be possible as the world will pivot a bit. I’m sure new possibilities will also emerge from that pivot. But at the moment those aren’t visible yet, and the resulting sense of disorientation is giving me a few emotional wobbles.

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 13:00:31

@naanbread Sorry if it came across that way. It wasn't my intention. I'm aware it's not always children moving away. I never said it was. I just included an e.g. of gripes I have heard from people. My post is about whether people will regret choices they have made.

HAS CV MADE YOU REGRRT ANY LIFE CHOICES? <--- That's really all I initially wanted to know.

I added examples to make my question clearer but I think it's done the opposite. It's not about whether people have the right to complain or not. Although, the complaining is starting to wear thin on me. Bit that wasn't my intentioned question.

I sometimes have a problem with waffling (can you tell?) which makes things unclear.

FTMF30 Fri 22-May-20 13:02:09

@mbosnz You've misunderstood. I was asking a question.

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