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Letting relatives near newborn

(9 Posts)
Fudgewhizz Thu 21-May-20 22:45:52

My mum is self isolating for 14 days before my due date (ELCS) so that she can look after my DD. I can't therefore see an issue with her holding the baby when I get back - she will most likely give us a hand after it's born for a few days too, and will just be going between her house and ours (not going in any supermarkets etc either).

The problem is DH's family. Three of them are living together and they just aren't taking it seriously. They're mostly adhering to guidelines but I wouldn't trust them to self isolate, for example - his dad is in an at risk group for age and health issues and is still going to the shop every day for the paper, for example, and his sister has been in someone else's house (apparently it would have been rude not to!?!). They will see it as favouritism though. Even after lockdown is over I won't trust that they'll be social distancing and not taking unnecessary risks and I'm just not comfortable with letting them near the baby (equally I don't want to give FIL anything).

I have a difficult relationship with them and they already think I'm an overreactive drama queen (I'm not, and DH agrees with me, they just have weird things like thinking me being picky about child car seats being used properly is being oversensitive - they think seatbelt laws are an infringement of their human rights hmm) so this doesn't help either.

WIBU to not let them near the baby until it's safer, when my mum has been able to properly meet and cuddle it? Obviously if rules are relaxed we'll take him/her there while doing social distancing but no holding them.

Fudgewhizz Fri 22-May-20 12:52:08

Any opinions welcome <dons tin hat>

mynameiscalypso Fri 22-May-20 12:53:55

Do they have to know that your mum is helping out...? We have similar issues around favouritism and we just are evasive with the truth around DH's family.

RibenaMonsoon Fri 22-May-20 13:01:26

You need to do what you feel is right for your babys safety. If they ask about your mum then tell them the truth. She isolated so that she could be able to do it. They have the same option but it sounds like they won't and you won't have any reassurance they have either.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 22-May-20 13:03:39

I agree, just don't tell them. Make life easier for yourself for now.

Spied Fri 22-May-20 13:13:21

I wouldn't be happy them near my newborn either while they are not taking things seriously but I'd be careful about allowing your own DM too much access to your lives whilst excluding the in-laws.
Your DH agrees with you with regard to them, yes, but be sensitive as they are his family and I worry he may start to resent you and your own DM if his family are kept at arm's length and his MIL is playing happy families.

Fudgewhizz Fri 22-May-20 13:13:45

They're already convinced we've told my mum what the baby's name will be (we haven't) 🙄 I will be evasive but I don't want to put either my mum or DH in a difficult position, or make DH think I don't care about his family's feelings.

crispysausagerolls Fri 22-May-20 13:25:57

I don’t see any issue in them not seeing your baby if your mother does - it’s apples and oranges. She is self isolating and helping you. They are doing neither of those things 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not your fault

Pantheon Fri 22-May-20 13:32:10

Yanbu. You could explain you have a blanket rule that anyone who sees the baby during this time has to have self isolated for 14 days beforehand. Even better, get your dh to explain it.

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