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AIBU to have not agreed to hide the fact my brother was meeting friends from our parents

(2 Posts)
legitconfused Thu 21-May-20 16:30:06

Feeling very confused atm and part of me just wants to vent.

I moved back to my parents' house after uni for a year to save some money before I got my own place. My older brother and older sister have both lived at home for several years, although my brother is nearly thirty, has a well paid job and could easily move out if he wished to.

Well my parents long-planned trip round the UK was interrupted by coronavirus and they have ended up spending the lockdown in a holiday park far away. So it's the three of us in the house.

First month, we were getting on fine. There were a few disputes. My parents are highly anxious about the virus as lots of people are, and kept ringing us all to say how we shouldn't leave the house, order food online etc. My brother irritated me and my sister by going to visit his girlfriend for the weekend but promised if we "kept it a secret" he wouldn't do it again.

Well shortly after my grandmother passed away. She had had dementia for several years but I was the closest to her out of my siblings before this. My parents told me "you better not go to the funeral" and stated I would be endangering people's lives, but I think a large part of their reaction was based on guilt for not going and fear because the only other people attending were my uncle and his wife who my father feels have bullied him his whole life.

Anyway, I went, and stood at the back to social distance. It was a fifteen minute funeral. There was no end to the flack I got from my parents! My dad sent me gory pictures of destroyed lungs, saying this is what I want to happen to people. It was majorly anxiety inducing.

About a month ago, my brother says that he's planning on going over to stay at a friend's and would I mind keeping it quiet. I refused saying I didn't want to cover up an action I don't agree with. He got very angry and told me I was being a hypocrite since I went to the funeral. After that initial "disagreement", he hasn't spoken a word to me or my sister. For a MONTH.

Last week his friend turns up at the house. I ask him what's going on and he literally responded "Mum and Dad say I can". Called my parents because I was completely confused and they said he'd been texting them for weeks, saying he had no life, he wasn't in danger from the virus, and that I was being a hypocrite (conveniently leaving out the fact he'd already been to see his girlfriend...). And so they eventually just gave in.

I'm at a bit of a loss here, I don't know why my brother would be so angry that he is able to ignore me for a month (and counting) and happily inviting friends round. He's also doing petty things like, only washing his own clothes (say five items at a time), leaving the kitchen in a complete state after he cooks etc. And I can't confront him on it because he's ignoring me except for these dirty looks.

The reaction makes me think there's something I'm really not seeing here. Did I break the sibling code or something. What could he be thinking? Help

ShennaIsAPrawnCracker Fri 22-May-20 09:41:47

He's obviously struggling with lockdown - but that doesn't excuse the fact he is being a wanker. Your parents are being very unfair too. Sounds like a really tough situation. I would try to talk it through with him. If he continues to ignore you, power through and get out as soon as you can.

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