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To not open the door

(117 Posts)
hoolahoola22 Thu 21-May-20 14:34:31

My dad just turned up at my house, I didn't know he was coming, wasn't expecting a delivery so when the door went i ignored it, he kept knocking and ringing the doorbell so I had a look to see who it was (he didn't see me) then started ringing my phone, my dd was down for a nap but wasn't asleep yet so she started screaming and crying, he knew I was in obviously, I didn't open the door as I knew he would force his way in and I have been following the rules, he text me again saying he was in the area and wanted to see us, and that he's left some sweets on he doorstep, now I feel bad.my youngest dd is 2 she doesn't understand social distancing so I couldn't have sat with him in the garden, I think I made the right decision not opening the door, wibu

UnfinishedSymphon Thu 21-May-20 14:37:56

as I knew he would force his way in - why would he?

Could you not just have chatted to him through an open window?

Nicknacky Thu 21-May-20 14:39:05

Why would he force his way in?

Aquamarine1029 Thu 21-May-20 14:39:39

He'd force his way in? confused

FlamingoAndJohn Thu 21-May-20 14:41:27

What is with all these people who refuse to answer their front door?

Do you have a difficult relationship with him?

pigsDOfly Thu 21-May-20 14:42:18

Why didn't you just call through the door that you don't want him coming in the house because you're sticking to the rules.

Would he really have forced his way in your house if you had the door on the chain or just opened it slightly and said that you're not having people coming to the house.

I have a relation that sometimes rings my doorbell and then chats to me from the end of the garden path.

Unless him forcing his way in involves some level of aggression it sounds like you're being a bit ott to just ignore him.

Nicknacky Thu 21-May-20 14:43:21

My dad comes to drip things off, I can quite comfortably open the door knowing he won’t force his way in. Unless he is a violent individual that’s a strange way to phrase it.

hoolahoola22 Thu 21-May-20 14:45:36

He's pushy he would have just walked in

Nicknacky Thu 21-May-20 14:46:08

So no forcing at all then? Why not just talk to him out the window?

AllIMissNowIsTheSea Thu 21-May-20 14:46:56

Why don't people talk to one another.

Threads like this are baffling.

The frequent door bell ringing and knocking is aggressive and unpleasant in any situation but especially in the knowledge you have a child of nap taking age - unless the house was on fire or he was worried you were unconcious and in need of urgent medical attention - which doesn't sound likely given the message.

The hiding and ignoring is all out weird - why not open the window and speak to him or answer the phone to calmly ask him whether the house is on fire, because you can't think of another reason he'd be behving so frantically, and then remind him of the reasons you can't let him in the house.

PowerStruggle Thu 21-May-20 14:47:47

I would have just called him from inside and said give me two minutes, stand back, going to open the door, don’t come in. You sound like a bit of a lunatic here

Intelinside57 Thu 21-May-20 14:49:34

Bloody hell op. You could have just stuck your head out of a window and talked to him. You could have answered your phone and talked to him. You could put a chain on your door so that nobody can force themselves in in future.

hoolahoola22 Thu 21-May-20 14:49:43

Hes not even local, he's come here obviously as he's bored cos he's not working, I have 2 children I'm home schooling eldest I also work evenings he didn't bother to ask if it was OK just turned up, he would have made me feel bad if I opened the door or window he would have said I've come all this way and made me feel bad about following the rules that's what he's like

sonjadog Thu 21-May-20 14:49:52

Why didn’t you just talk to him out the window? I think you were weird to ignore him.

DownADirtRoad Thu 21-May-20 14:50:53

Do you get on with him? If so I’d probably have answered the phone when he called and said I’ll come to the door but obviously you can’t come in. You could have held you daughter and said thanks for the sweets. He sounds a bit odd if he’d have just forced his way in though.

Nicknacky Thu 21-May-20 14:51:09

If my dad tuned up which was out of character for him and was making quite desperate attempts to speak to me, I would be worried if he was ok and at minimum have opened a window to talk to him.

cornflakecritter Thu 21-May-20 14:51:28

You were being entirely reasonable not to open the door. He is making a decision (against the greater good) not to follow lockdown. He is putting himself and other people at risk. The risk to himself is his choice. But you don't have to just go along with accepting his decision that that be extended to you.

I agree that other options might have been to speak to him even through a closed window, on your phone etc. But YANBU for not opening the door. He sounds like hard work....

hoolahoola22 Thu 21-May-20 14:52:29

Which is why I didn't answer the door, as he would have made me feel uncomfortable about doing the right thing, he's not followed the rules from day 1

Nicknacky Thu 21-May-20 14:53:23

So speak to him through a window! Holy god, this whole corona thing has made people lose all sensibilities.

DownADirtRoad Thu 21-May-20 14:53:35

he would have made me feel bad if I opened the door or window he would have said I've come all this way and made me feel bad about following the rules that's what he's like

He doesn’t sound great. But if you normally get on with him, give him a call. Apologise for not answering, tell him you were trying to get your daughter to sleep but thanks for the sweets. It’s done now.

UnfinishedSymphon Thu 21-May-20 14:55:43

Well he sounds like a bit of an arse but still, if you'd just told him that through the door/window instead of ignoring it, he may have understood.

Knowing you were home, do you not think that'll now make things weird?

SpillTheTeaa Thu 21-May-20 14:55:43

I think it's very rude not to even acknowledge him through a window imo.
You didn't have to open the door but it wouldn't have hurt just to speak through a window.

AllIMissNowIsTheSea Thu 21-May-20 14:57:01

If there's got to be a vote option there should be 3 options - YABU, YANBU and "everyone involved in this situation sounds as bad as each other" (EIITSSABAEO? perhaps something more snappy...)

DownADirtRoad Thu 21-May-20 14:57:04

Which is why I didn't answer the door, as he would have made me feel uncomfortable about doing the right thing, he's not followed the rules from day 1

Then don’t feel bad then. If you would have answered, he’d have forced his way in and you don’t know who he’s been mixing with. You’d be feeling worse if you’d put your daughter and yourself at risk by the sound of it. Text him to thank him for the sweets and forget about it.

Passthebubbly Thu 21-May-20 14:57:21

Are you someone like me who in normal times can’t abide people who “just turn up”? For me it is heightened at this time. I have bad social anxiety and like to know when people are coming.
I have one friend who turns up whenever she wants regardless if it’s convenient to me. She will just walk in and then stay for hours. I get it. At this time it’s even worse and said friend has turned up at mine 3 times during lockdown. I get you op

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