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To think people living alone have been appallingly neglected?

(367 Posts)
TurtleTortoise Thu 21-May-20 12:23:24

From the beginnning of lockdown, they have allowed children to move between households. Children were allowed to potentially spread covid (we didn't know then that they might not be spreaders) presumably because the risk of emotional harm from being separated from a parent was considered too great. So why the fuck, over eight weeks later, have they still not considered the harm being caused to people living alone?

There was a mention in the government document released last week that in the next stage, when schools open, they might change social rules for people living alone, eg. to be allowed to mix mormally with one household. For a start, WTF?? How on earth are those two things comparable enough that single people have to wait until multiple children and adults can be in a school before they can hug even ONE other person? If they delay schools going back, does that mean they'll forget us too? Are we supposed to wait until September? shock

Secondly, I looked specifically for articles over the last week that may be speculating or have further information about this. The only thing I came up with was this: Like millions, I've paid a 'single penalty' in lockdown – so why is no one talking about it?

The last hug I had was on March 9 — yes, so important I know the date. I’m on my own and feeling it. No love, no human touch. No hugs, no hand-holding. I hate this. Touch makes us feel safe, calms us and releases the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin. I miss oxytocin.
Those of us who are alone “are in a uniquely difficult position right now,” she adds. “We are social creatures; we are programmed from birth to connect with other people — our whole biological system (brain, body and central nervous system) is hard-wired to form attachments with others. We need other people. What’s the worst punishment inflicted on people in prison? Solitary confinement."

This was the only relevant article that came up in my search. So why aren't there more? Why isn't anyone talking about it, or better still actually making policy to address it? How can they be allowed to do this to single people without breaking some kind of human rights thing about right to family life or something?

I am really struggling, as is probably obvious. I'm actively being traumatised by this, on top of pre-existing trauma. Meeting one person at a time from 2m away just doesn't cut it. Why haven't they recognised the importance of human touch? And anyway, anyone can do that - why havent they considered people living alone specifically, before others? Why must we wait until it's safe for everyone to meet, when we have greater need and lower risk in terms of the number of people we'd pass it on to?

It seem so cruel. As if it's not devastating enough already to be without partner and children! Now our close friends and loved ones are torn away by this cold-hearted government, and no-one seems to care.

HandfulOfFlowers Thu 21-May-20 12:27:21

This is another reason why lockdown needs to end. The nation has sacrificed much and it is time to accept that some people will die during this. There are many other important facets to the pandemic that need some priority, not just the preservation of lives of those with the virus, at the expense of other lives.

GinNotGym19 Thu 21-May-20 12:42:04

Mental health is more important and I think people should use common sense. I know a lot of people are making their own “bubbles” but not telling anyone.
Because the “you’re a murderer if you visit someone” brigade is louder and shame everyone, you don’t really hear about people that have made their own risk assessments.
In all honestly most adults are able to maintain social distancing. If two people in different households decide to see each other but keep distance and don’t go if either have been ill or in contact with others etc I can’t see the harm in it.
The curtain twitchers and people that go out then moan other people are out drive me mental. The government and media has placed too much fear in people.

GinNotGym19 Thu 21-May-20 12:43:38

Also another thing I think is that the gov, police etc do not care if someone sits in someone else’s garden but people have taken it upon themselves to become the corona police.

SimonJT Thu 21-May-20 12:44:17

My boyfriends housemate has CF so my boyfriend had to move out. If he had waited until he could get an online delivery/government foot box he would have been relying on (very expensive) takeaway food for seven weeks. As he has CF while the food boxes are handy, they simply don’t provide enough calories.

My boyfriend delivers him some shopping 1-2 times a week he chats from the balcony, but that’s the closest he can get to another person. He works in the arts, so he doesn’t have any income right now as he is a freelancer.

He has so far received £0 from UC as he is 23. An online calculator suggests that when it finally arrives he will receive around £95 a week and £1.22 per week council tax relief.

spikyplants Thu 21-May-20 13:02:34

I don't live alone but have noticed something during work check in and chats where lip service is paid to our wellbeing. There's a certain amount of presumption that everyone has some sort of support network - family, friends, good neighbours, etc. that they're in regular contact with. I've had to unsubtly raise that this may not always be the case and not just for those who live alone.

As a MHFA I do contact those who I know are alone on the premise that I need to ask something about work but then ask how they are in a casual way without pressing for a response. I do this about once a week so as not to bombard but make it clear that they can chat when they feel the need. For anything more specific I signpost to appropriate professional organisations if the conversation goes that way.

needsahouseboy Thu 21-May-20 13:19:03

Do you not know another single person? If so get out and give them a hug. Just do it!

GuiltyBark Thu 21-May-20 13:23:01

Theres a few threads about this and I agree with you. I went to see my partner last week after getting fed up with the contradictions in the advice and it was weird to be so physically close to my partner of three years after 8 weeks - awkward even, for a while. Not just the absence - the being closer than 2 metres with someone, touching, holding hands. Isolation of the kind we are being asked to adhere to is catastrophic for intimacy.

LivingThatLockdownLife Thu 21-May-20 13:31:06

Yes the ones shouting loudly are the dementors and curtain twitches.

The amount of research into socialisation and physical contact and its necessity for any life worth living is well documented. But it's conveniently being ignored. Likewise the pressure on parents especially working mothers. Conveniently swept under the carpet.

There's no money in happy healthy people. Lots of money to be made from "fixing" them when they go wrong though. Just drug us all up so we are numb to our intolerable living situations. Loads of money to be made there and you can blame people for not coping with the uncopeable.

Ilovetea09 Thu 21-May-20 13:35:05

Its made me the opposite. Although I am an anxious person. I don't think I ever want to touch people ever again!! When I look at someone now I just think of what germs they might me carrying. I think I will always carry hand sanitizer now

RenegadeMrs Thu 21-May-20 13:38:26

I totally agree. I am struggling as a mum of a toddler with DP working long hours full time with no adult company Mon - Fri and I'm finding it hard.

Obviously there are different types of people who need social interaction to different degrees, but if you are living alone and social it must be hell.

I agree with others, if you are struggling and have someone else who is willing, go get that hug and spend time with them. 2m be damned. I have a single friend who has moved in with two others a week ago and i think its a sensible course of action if that is open to you?

happypoobum Thu 21-May-20 13:38:31

I think this may be the case for some single people but certainly not all of us.

I am very happily single and very happy in lockdown. I don't feel remotely neglected so I think you have extrapolated your own feelings to "all single people" which just isn't right.

You say meeting one person at a time from 2m away just doesn't cut it. Why is that? Have you actually met up with anyone in this way? I have done this with three friends and two family members and it was lovely to see them. Not being able to touch them wasn't really an issue. Maybe it would be worth you giving that a try if you haven't already?

Do you have a pet you can cuddle?

Can you get any online therapy that might help you?

I hope you feel better soon flowers

Thelnebriati Thu 21-May-20 13:40:54

Where where you all when the Tories put many disabled people into this situation a decade ago with swingeing cuts to benefits and DLA?

catspyjamas123 Thu 21-May-20 13:43:56

I don’t get to hug people at normal times and I’m quite happy with that!

Bluebellpainting Thu 21-May-20 13:44:53

I think lockdown has been tough on everyone for different reasons. Just because someone doesn’t live alone doesn’t mean they are not lonely either. My husband works away so I am at home alone with a 6 month old baby a lot of the time. I don’t technically live alone and under the most recent guidance I still can’t go and meet anyone else as it would be me and my son (2 people). I think it is very easy to sit here and say one group have been more hard done by than others when different people are suffering for different reasons. I’m sorry you are on your own- that is really tough but hopefully you can at least see someone face to face. Not the same I know but a start. I’m hugely frustrated that the recent rule change has made no difference to me being able to see anyone and seem very random at times (garden versus park etc) but we have to start somewhere. So for me the fact I can’t see someone face to face yet is outweighed by the fact that someone else who is struggling to can.

DahliaDay Thu 21-May-20 13:46:50

I think children were aloud to go between the 2 homes as they may have a legal obligation for contact

Not for emotional reasons

BreatheDeeplyInTheSilence Thu 21-May-20 13:46:55

I self-isolated for 2 weeks at the beginning of lockdown so by default so did DP. We've been seeing each other every weekend since. We can't live together atm. I've got a lot of single friends and some of them are really struggling. A huge generalisation but also, my single friends tend to live in apartments so don't have a garden to get out in for air. I'm surprised that more isn't being said about the impact on them.

formerbabe Thu 21-May-20 13:47:31

I don't live alone but I agree with you.

I think the harm to everyone caused by lockdown is now too much to let it continue.

highmarkingsnowbile Thu 21-May-20 13:48:13


MrMeeseekscando Thu 21-May-20 13:48:37

I don't technically live alone, but I am not welcome where I am.
I went to see the boyfriend outside for a walk and got torn a new one by someone i live with.
That person has visited a hairdresser this week.
Hypocritical bitch.

My last hug was 23/03/20

It is sad that a lot of us remember the exact time and date we had that.

CuriousaboutSamphire Thu 21-May-20 13:50:20


Covid response teams, the local groups, have all been looking out for lone individuals. Not hugging I presume, but I can't get my head round the innate selfishness of that article. Pandemic rages but I want a hug!

Of course I see what she is trying to say, but dragging her eyes out of her navel may have made it more readable!

Lynda07 Thu 21-May-20 13:51:53

Turtle, I don't get all your references to 'they'.

I'm on my own and can't say I feel neglected, at the same time I don't expect anything to be done for me just because I'm alone (never mind from 'they' or 'them'). I've been able to order my groceries and pharmacy stuff online, what more should 'they' be providing for me?

It's nice and quiet, private, nobody bothers me. If 'they' got involved I might well be bothered! As things stand I can please myself how I spend my days and there's a lot to be said for that. I know it won't last so am making the most of it while it does. I've also been able to help some others from a distance so not totally selfish.

TheRoyallingStones Thu 21-May-20 13:54:30


I live alone and while I’m very happy with my own company normally, I enjoy the banter in the office and seeing friends and other people through my hobbies.

I’m fortunate to have been wfh throughout lockdown, so still chat to colleagues through Teams etc but it’s not the same.

And everyone has has partners or kids or both, most have local parents etc who they visit at the end of the driveway.

Even if they introduce social bubbles, I’m not confident of being in anyone else’s! My friends all have family in other households who they desperately want to see, who will obviously take priority.

It’s very very lonely being in lockdown alone sad especially being in a flat, I have no outside space, so can’t sit and enjoy the sun either

Mintjulia Thu 21-May-20 13:56:08

Lockdown isn’t designed to make single people lonely. It is designed to stop people catching the virus and potentially dying.

The only reason they allowed children to go between parents because there were already thousands of court orders saying access should happen. It wasn’t because it is somehow miraculously safe or necessary for children to go back and forth because It isn’t.

Any contact is a risk. Most adults are robust enough to copy with a couple of months without physical contact.

IndecentFeminist Thu 21-May-20 13:56:21

The government told all disabled people to isolate themselves?

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