Advanced search

Is anyone else not bothered by sex?

(239 Posts)
Whatsupdog Wed 20-May-20 17:52:44

I’m embarrassed. And I feel weird. I’m a 29 year old women and I could quite happily take or leave sex. I like how it makes me feel connected to my partner (we’ve been together for years) and I like the cuddling after, but...meh. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think I’m asexual...but I don’t really masturbate or have sexual fantasies. I feel like a weirdo sad can anyone else relate?

Gabrielknight Wed 20-May-20 17:53:34

Same. You are not alone.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 20-May-20 17:54:17

Loads of people on here seem to prefer a cuppa and a biscuit to a shag. You’re by no means alone.

Endorphins Wed 20-May-20 17:55:11

I would be happy to never do it again ever!

KingOfDogShite Wed 20-May-20 17:55:21

I wouldn’t be bothered if I never did it again tbh.

00100001 Wed 20-May-20 17:55:39


GreyishDays Wed 20-May-20 17:56:23

I think it can depend on your partner. I’ve felt like that with some but not others.

Ipadipod Wed 20-May-20 17:56:58

Same here , I wasn’t overly bothered pre menopause but post menopause has totally killed my libido.

Whatsupdog Wed 20-May-20 17:58:45

Really? I don’t have children though (even though I want them soon). So I feel like I should be wanting it all the time. I feel like people on here who have children have an excuse for not wanting sex at least! I think the lockdown has had me reflecting on a lot of things, and realizing I’ve never really ‘got’ sex. I do love my partner, and he is very loving and, ahem, ‘giving’, but yes, I would prefer a cup of tea and my book. Whilst snuggling him. But I’m in my twenties! I feel like an outsider sad

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 20-May-20 17:59:05

If you’ve had other partners in the past did you feel the same way?

Maybe he’s just not very good at sex and you’re not getting enough from it so are bored.

user8558 Wed 20-May-20 17:59:31

I'm over it. I'll happily never have sex again.

UngainlyGiraffe Wed 20-May-20 18:01:39

I felt like that a lot with DP of 12 years. Even before we had DS. Never in the mood.

Now I just have a FWB and I always want it with him.

Did you feel like that at the beginning of the relationship?

ClementineTangerine Wed 20-May-20 18:01:43

You're definitely not a weirdo! But no, I don't personally feel that way about sex, I enjoy it and would ideally do it more!

Whatsupdog Wed 20-May-20 18:02:39

I have had other partners, and the sex was good, but it’s not like I really craved it or anything or thought about it afterwards. I think my partner is good - he’s the only person who has ever made me orgasm (TMI? Sorry) and very up for my ‘pleasure’ IYSWIM so I don’t think it’s his fault. I just feel like I’m missing out on a big cultural phenomenon and feel kind of inadequate I’ve never really understood it.

Peachy92 Wed 20-May-20 18:03:07

I'm 28 and don't feel fussed by sex itself .. I prefer "me time" it's less effort...

TwoZeroTwoZero Wed 20-May-20 18:03:47

Me too. Nothing to do with the quality or the partner and everything to do with the fact that I just cba. I'd rather just watch TV and read.

MorrisZapp Wed 20-May-20 18:05:37

I'm not bothered. I've found that great sex burns itself out over the duration of a long term relationship. I've been with DP for ages and we hardly ever have sex now, neither of us is fussed tbh.

Whatsupdog Wed 20-May-20 18:06:23

Ungainly - well we first got together when we were really young (had a break in the middle and saw other people) so I just felt really nervous at first and don’t think I really understood my body etc. So butterflies from seeing him, holding hands, going on dates, but not from the sex itself.

Winkywoop Wed 20-May-20 18:06:49

I'm in my 20s and only really loved sex when I was single at uni- it was more 'exciting' then maybe?

I've been with my partner for 5 years and generally there's things I would rather do than have sex, but I enjoy it when we do it (once a week/every 2 weeks ish). Otherwise I'm also meh about it.

Watch Normal People on iplayer- that's been getting me in the mood grin

SkylinesTurnstiles Wed 20-May-20 18:07:41

Maybe not as extreme as you. But I am 27 and have been with DH since I was 16. Our libidos certainly aren’t as much as they when we were 16 and 18! We’re quite happy to curl up in bed at 10 and watch Modern Family and get a good nights sleep rather than shag! We average maybe once a week?
One thing I will say is that I think because of this we struggled to DTD enough to conceive- I am pregnant now but it took longer than it should have I believe.
So if you want to have babies soon, start making yourself DTD more often to gear up for how much you have to do it when you are TTC.

UngainlyGiraffe Wed 20-May-20 18:08:10

I had the same with ex. He made me orgasm (only one other partner has since actually and it’s not FWB despite his enthusiasm), but I never really felt in the mood with ex. For years. It was part of the slow burn out of our relationship.

Out of interest, do you find you get really niggled about little things that shouldn’t matter with your DP? Stupid things like washing up being left until the morning or generally trivial things that don’t matter?

Sharpandshineyteeth Wed 20-May-20 18:09:51

I think the key here is that you don’t mastrabate or have sexual fantasies. This to me indicates that it is not your partner but your sex drive.

Everyone is different. If you are happy with this then fine. My high libido used to be a lot more trouble that it was worth. I’ve been through the menopause now due to hysterectomy and have zero drive now. I miss it but then I don’t in some ways either

bumblenbean Wed 20-May-20 18:10:11

I’m similar. I could happily never have it. I love and am attracted to DH but I just can’t be arsed. Tbf we do have 2 toddlers which doesn’t help but that’s just exacerbated it.

Weirdly I had a really high sex drive in my early 20s - both when single and when in a relationship but since late 20s/early 30s (now 38) it’s just dropped off a cliff. God knows why. It seems once the exciting novelty wears off there are things I’d rather do 😂 it’s nothing to do with my DH though - have been same with other exes after a while .

When we do have sex I enjoy it but ‘planning’ it feels like a bit of a chore. Luckily he doesn’t have a v high sex drive either otherwise I’d be fucked (or not!)

UngainlyGiraffe Wed 20-May-20 18:10:41

Other thing to say - I don’t know if it’s relationship status related or age related, but I didn’t have any desire in my 20s. The turning point for me to end the relationship was shortly after I turned 30 when I realised I did want sex, but I didn’t want it with him (no affair or anything like that), but I would daydream about what it would be like to feel that passion.

Now I know! wink

Missillusioned Wed 20-May-20 18:11:26

Are you on hormonal contraption? That was like chemical castration for me. It creeps up on you gradually so you don't notice at first.

I think it's to blame for a lot of women in LTR going off sex.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »