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To not appreciate looks and leers from men?

(123 Posts)

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notanobject Wed 20-May-20 10:23:23

*name change

I was out early this morning walking my dog and in running gear (right leggings and vest) as I planned to go for a run for the first time in a while. Not many people were out but two men playing loud music on a bench. I walk past and both are just staring at me, heads moving as I walk and I feel uncomfortable. I turn down a road, so they can see the back of me and I'm still uncomfortable because I can feel their eyes on my backside. When I walk my dog back to my house, they are still there and still looking at me.

I still haven't gone out for a run this morning, I'm so put off.

I'm not even attractive either which is weird, you would expect this to happen to good looking people right? This used to happenen all the time in my late teens (I'm late 20s now) that I refused to leave the house, especially in the summer. And I never make myself look nice, as much as I'd like to because I don't like or want looks from men.

Does this happen to anyone else?

What do you do when it happens? It's difficult to ignore because it's just too creepy.

Would you say anything to creeps who stare? I feel like confronting and screaming.

OP’s posts: |
notanobject Wed 20-May-20 10:24:28

looks and leers that should say

OP’s posts: |
Reallynowdear Wed 20-May-20 10:29:22

Is it possible they were looking rather than leering?

I only ask as you mention refusing to leave the house during summertime when younger which is extreme.

Did you speak to anyone about this when you were younger?

PaquitaVariation Wed 20-May-20 10:33:44

You can’t really police people looking at you. Leering to me implies something different, including verbal comments. Don’t you ever look at anyone as they walk/run past? I know I do.

notanobject Wed 20-May-20 10:33:44

It was definitely leering. I notice it happens when I wear certain clothing.

I never spoke to anyone when I was young. I thought it was normal for men to catcall and oogle.

OP’s posts: |
notanobject Wed 20-May-20 10:35:02

Don’t you ever look at anyone as they walk/run past

But you're not looking at their body parts. You usually know when someone is being a pervert. They stare at you and not others. You can see it on their face.

OP’s posts: |
ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords Wed 20-May-20 10:35:34

YANBU to not appreciate being stared at by men, but YABU to let it have such an impact on your life.

Waveysnail Wed 20-May-20 10:38:10

It's not nice or right. But lycra tends to attract Male attention. If you.have noticed that its woth certain clothes a d makes.you uncomfortable then perhaps different outfit or just ignore

KatnissK Wed 20-May-20 10:39:41

When I used to run I always wore baggy t shirts and joggers or shorts. I hate leggings with vests or short t shirts as imo they are just too tight! Not that you should have to change because of other people, it's just a suggestion if you feel self-conscious. I'd just have gone for a run if I were you - bollocks to them.

RandomLondoner Wed 20-May-20 10:40:50

You usually know when someone is being a pervert.

Sorry to be pedantic, but men looking at adult women aren't perverts. Unless they are doing it in a way that the vast majority of men don't. By definition, perverts are abnormal.

RandomLondoner Wed 20-May-20 10:41:52

Not saying you shouldn't criticise them, they're in the wrong. Just that pervert isn't the right word.

GladAllOver Wed 20-May-20 10:42:12

It's something that happens. People look at other people. I'm always interested in others going past, and I turn to watch them.
Perhaps you do need to think about becoming less sensitive.

notanobject Wed 20-May-20 10:49:35

Unless they are doing it in a way that the vast majority of men don't

Yes not all men do it. Not a lot in fact. Just a certain kind.

People normally pick up on others body language and facial expressions. These creeps dont hide what thoughts they're having well.

OP’s posts: |
FOJN Wed 20-May-20 10:54:40

I understand where you're coming from OP, I think we all know the difference between a passing glance and objectification. I hate the suggestion that you should change what you wear so that you can go about your life without feeling uncomfortable because men stare at you, it feels so unjust that you should have to modify your behaviour rather than society demand that men behave more respectfully BUT it is clearly impacting your life in significant way so I think you have two choices, develop your confidence so it affects you less or consider changing what you wear. Longer term I think the first option would serve you best.

LikeDuhWhatever Wed 20-May-20 10:56:15

First world problem..

MarieQueenofScots Wed 20-May-20 10:56:28

I understand where you’re coming from OP. My 13 year old gets it.

On a couple of occasions I have said very loudly “she’s 13, are you into children”

PicsInRed Wed 20-May-20 11:00:51

I know what you mean, OP.
They go from chatting to mid-chat suddenly very quiet.

It's really off putting especially as your back is turned so you can't even see what might be coming/following iyswim. You feel like potential prey. Which, in our society, you are.

PicsInRed Wed 20-May-20 11:01:41

First world problem..

It's a woman world problem.

RandomLondoner Wed 20-May-20 11:09:27

Yes not all men do it. Not a lot in fact. Just a certain kind.

Fair enough. Call them whatever you like then. If they're that rude, they deserve it.

Louise966666 Wed 20-May-20 11:11:49

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Wed 20-May-20 11:12:14

It's a woman world problem.

Well said, PicsInRed.

BillywigSting Wed 20-May-20 11:13:55

I know what you mean op it happened to me quite a lot when I was younger.

It doesn't happen so much now as I have put on a fair bit of weight since having dc. If I'm being honest, it's probably one of the myriad reasons why I haven't lost it. I don't miss it one bit, and the uncomfortablness of being a bit overweight is less uncomfortable than the uncomfortablness of 'feeling like prey' as a pp so eloquently put it.

It's shit but I don't honestly know what to do about it other than call it out when we see it?

SharonasCorona Wed 20-May-20 11:15:19

They’re not just looking, they’re staring and I agree it’s rude and creepy.

Take your power back and ask them not to stare next time it happens.

I confront this behaviour now. When men stare on the tube, instead of looking away I dead eye them until they look away. And when they make misappropriated comments I call them out on it and ask why do they think it’s ok to speak to me like that?

Rubywhox Wed 20-May-20 11:15:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tara66 Wed 20-May-20 11:18:00

One can't tell from the expression on someone's (a man's) face what is going on in their head. I.E. if some looks ''leery'' it does not necessarily mean that they are perverts or that they will ever assault you on lonely path (with dog).

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