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To find these women a tad bit annoying?

(63 Posts)
Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 16:40:45

I come from a small village and there is a Facebook group which is mainly for the residents, although anyone can join in. Think of it as an information board, however a lot of people use it as a sounding board (a fair few arguments on there previously). People normally post pictures of the beach and mountains or information in regards to businesses and the shops here, things like that. Anyway - when lockdown started, two ladies who just so happen to live down the road decided to start the “community corner” which consists of boxes and boxes of donated food, sweet treats and toiletries. The purpose of it is so that when people are on their daily walk/exercise they can stop by and pick something up if they fancy. The kids also love it as sometimes cake and sweets are left there. It really is a lovely idea, however there seems to be a post on the Facebook group by these ladies every single day.

They are normally complaints about how someone has taken the hand sanitiser (left for people to sanitise items before taking them if they want to), taken too many slices of cake or dumped (donated) “rubbish”. The other day she specifically asked for book donations but then complained that too many had been donated, so imo people can’t win. Just this very morning, she has complained that someone has taken the hand sanitiser again, that people have no respect and are ruining this lovely activity for everyone. Whilst I agree it must be annoying having to constantly supply the same item over and over again, I can see why someone might have seen it and thought it was an item that had been donated and was up for grabs.

She has specifically said that she doesn’t want to do it anymore as it’s causing her a lot of stress. Of course people were quick to reply and stressed that she was doing a fantastic job (which I agree with) and that she shouldn’t give up just because of other people. She’s now said she’ll see how she feels later and make a decision then. Imo, nobody asked her to do this. It was a lovely idea to start with and has obviously brought a lot of happiness to the community, but if it’s causing someone so much stress surely the best thing to do would be to end it, right?. The very same ladies decided to (again, nobody asked them to) walk through the village yesterday and pick up all the discarded litter as our local litter picker isn’t currently working due to the pandemic. They’ve now complained that there are two black bin liners full of rubbish taking up the space in there black bin hmm.

Imo, if people want to do something out of the goodness of their hearts then it should be just that and not for recognition, appreciation or attention. I do believe these ladies want appreciation and recognition for something that they started. The sensible thing for me to do would be to leave the group, but I enjoy looking at pictures that a local photographer posts occasionally. AIBU to find these ladies a tad bit annoying?

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OneandTwenty Tue 19-May-20 16:48:45


if they make the effort of cleaning up which benefits everybody, you should be grateful - they are perfectly allowed to moan. They shouldn't have to pick up after others if they want to live in a nicer area, so fair enough to complain.

And why should they do it secretly? Maybe the want recognition, they put the effort so they deserve it. Yes it might be a bit annoying, but started a thread slagging them off behind their back is a lot worst.

DollyDoneMore Tue 19-May-20 16:49:34

YABU to use “a tad bit” in a sentence. It’s either a tad or a bit, not both.

GinghamStyle Tue 19-May-20 16:54:39

IMO if the sanitiser keeps getting taken, they should stop putting one out.

It sounds like they’re trying to do something lovely but don’t come across very well on SM!

Perhaps block them - then you won’t see their posts, but can still be in the group.

Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 16:55:13

I appreciate that @OneandTwenty and I have to say the village does look a letter better since they've cleaned it up. I just found it incredibly strange that they would offer their help but then complain about it, especially with the community corner. Although it's a lovely idea, if it's causing someone so much stress to the point that there not enjoying it anymore, I think the best thing to do would be to end it, personally.

I like to help people too but if it was upsetting me or causing me stress, I probably wouldn't continue. I'm not saying that they shouldn't moan about how selfish other people can be, but they seem to every single day.

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Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 16:56:14

That was meant to say "the village does look a lot better".

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thepeopleversuswork Tue 19-May-20 16:58:47

I’m with you actually OP: there’s a certain sort of professional martyr who gets a kick out of volunteering for stuff no one asked them to do, basking in the feel good factor it gives them but then using it as an excuse to control other people.

The thing with the books is a prime example. On the one hand asking for donations and then being really anal and specific about how these donations get made.

It’s great that they are doing this for free etc but that doesn’t make them queens of the village. They sound like head girl types.

conduitoffortune Tue 19-May-20 16:59:34

No you're right, they do sound annoying.

pigsDOfly Tue 19-May-20 17:00:38

Can't imagine why you think they can't have a moan about the amount of litter other people have left behind.

It's disgusting to just chuck your stuff on the ground. No harm in someone who has taken the trouble to pick it up telling people how much they've collected.

The community corner thing is a nice thing to do I suppose - tbh I wouldn't take stuff that had been put in an unsupervised communal box but that's probably just me - but it must be very frustrating to keep having to replace the hand sanitiser because people keep stealing it, so I can understand why they'd get fed up with it.

Oh and just so you know the words 'tad' and 'bit' mean the same thing.

ComtesseDeSpair Tue 19-May-20 17:00:38

Living in a village drove me potty, because this is generally what village life is like - people with too much time on their hands intent to build a lovely community and a general martyr complex.

But that’s kind of the price you pay if you want a lovely village community with people who make an effort, and you aren’t putting in the effort yourself. So I think YABU.

EmeraldShamrock Tue 19-May-20 17:01:24

No good deed is left unpunished. What starts out with good intentions can easily become frustrating. I'd stop it too. People stealing the sanitiser dropped off rubbish would ruin it quickly.

Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 17:04:04

Unfortunately I am still working full time as a frontline worker @conduitoffortune so don't really have the time to "help" out. I believe these ladies are retired so maybe have a bit more time on their hands.

Okay, well I guess IBU! I will try and see if I can hide their posts. Thanks everyone.

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OneandTwenty Tue 19-May-20 17:04:53

some people need to make themselves feel important 🤷

as long as it doesn't affect me directly, I would just ignore

Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 17:06:01

I believe there was a big debate last week about the boxes and hygiene @pigsDOfly. A lot of people felt uneasy about the food being left in a box on the floor all day. I personally wouldn't take anything either, but I still think it's a lovely idea nonetheless.

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Macncheeseballs Tue 19-May-20 17:09:28

Contess, having lived in both villages and cities, you can have that dynamic in a city too, cities are made of small communities but I completely agree with the do gooder martyr comment - do it, dont do it, but dont friggin moan about it.

Noeuf Tue 19-May-20 17:10:13

I suspect you feel less that this is lovely and more a bit gross grinleaving food out for people to take is weird.
Someone local posted that 'her child' had suggested they leave a box of snacks out for the postie and delivery drivers plus photos and basked in the praise.

It's a virus not a famine.

shookbelves Tue 19-May-20 17:15:08

If I left food out round here there'd be ants all over it in 5 minutes.

Crazytimescrazypeople Tue 19-May-20 17:16:19

@Noeuf I do think it's a lovely idea in a sense that it's really brought the community together and given people something to do and keep busy with, but personally I wouldn't take anything from there mainly because I'm a bit funny with food. The cakes that have been left there look lovely but I don't know who's house they've come from or if they've been baked in a clean home etc so it does put me off slightly, but that's just me and everyone is different.

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SeasonFinale Tue 19-May-20 17:20:40

It is virtue signalling at it's finest and I think you are very good in that you have thus far managed not to reply "Don't do it then!"

Does the photographer perhaps have their own page you could follow either on FB or Twitter then you could leave and still enjoy the pictures?

Sparklesocks Tue 19-May-20 17:24:08

I think often these ideas are wonderful in principle, but the problems of running them rear their head and suddenly it’s a hassle. The organisers, if not experienced in this area, can become frustrated that things are not going to plan or that some participants are taking the piss. They then pass these frustrations onto the wider group and suddenly everyone is annoyed - the organisers, and now everyone else who feels blamed or told off. Then the organisers might not feel they can stop it if they’re getting pressure to continue, but equally participants don’t want it to feel like a chore or something they don’t enjoy. Everyone has the best intentions and means well but these things can become something of a beast.

Jux Tue 19-May-20 17:24:46


tiktok Tue 19-May-20 17:27:36

I'm afraid I'd be having a bit of a laugh at these anal and moany posts, as well as appreciating the neighbourly gesture.

DH is on NextDoor and often shares some of the dafter posts (there was a huuuuge long saga about an abandoned (apparently) skip and the feathers flew smile

Cyberattack Tue 19-May-20 17:29:54

Very good of them to pick up the rubbish. If you haven't personally thrown litter then their moaning isn't directed at you and you can ignore it. If you have thrown litter then you deserve it imho!

Box of treats left out = lovely idea.

Taking the hand sanitiser - I very much doubt the people who took it thought it was another 'freebie'. They deserve to be told off.

But ... there will always be neighbours who get on your nerves no matter what they do. I would try to ignore them if it upsets you so much.

YinMnBlue Tue 19-May-20 17:31:53

Just roll your eyes and scroll on.

aliceinsunderland44 Tue 19-May-20 17:31:53

Yanbu they do sound annoying and my first reaction would be to assume (possibly unfairly) that they don't have much else going on if they have time to constantly monitor and complain about this. It's a lovely idea but if it's really causing this lady so much stress (🙄) then perhaps she shouldn't have started it? Sounds very much like she is lapping up the praise from other villagers who are telling her what a great job she's done.

I bet if someone else offered to take over the whole thing she wouldn't want that either.

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