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Non sleeping twins

(38 Posts)
Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 15:24:14

I am a mum of 11 month old twins and one will not sleep at night unless they are on me or in bed with me, they will go to bed at first as we put him to bed asleep, but once he wakes up he will not sleep in his cot, he used to sleep through the night but hasn't for about 7 weeks, we are all still in one room so I can't let him cry as he will wake up his brother who wakes up at 5am so I am not getting much sleep, they don't sleep much in the day and rarely at the same time, does anyone have any advice before I go insane

ReincarnatedDodo Tue 19-May-20 15:30:10

Do you have a spare bedroom?

MyNameHasBeenTaken Tue 19-May-20 15:36:17

Long walk with them in a buggy at a set time each day?
Lots of physical play, as much as possible during the day?

Wait for it to pass. It's a phase.
It will not last for ever!

MyNameHasBeenTaken Tue 19-May-20 15:39:23

Or one thing that helped my dd more than anything else.

Take an old tee shirt (or buy a cheap one)
Wash it. Wear it . Wear your normal perfume/deodorant etc so it smells of you.
Let him cuddle in to it in his cot, as it will smell like you and hopefully give him some comfort

Thesearmsofmine Tue 19-May-20 15:40:00

If they sleep once in your bed I would just go with that. Basically do whatever gets you the most rest. During the day I would make a long walk a part of your day after lunch, lots of play in the the morning to tire them out and hopefully they will sleep once you go walking.

okayokaywhatsnext Tue 19-May-20 15:42:00

Huckleberry app helped so much with my twins and it’s really easy to switch between 2 babies.

Co sleep if it works for you.

I had to stop when I nearly had a car accident and then we sleep trained. One twin took to it immediately and the other took 4 nights.

Mrswalliams1 Tue 19-May-20 15:44:42

Co sleep. I have twins. Neither slept for 4/5 years (until they went to primary). It was a killer. One still isn't great. I wish I'd co slept to make it easier rather than the 15/20 wake ups each night.

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 15:45:28

Unfortunately we live in a very small bungalow, the spare room is full of junk and finding the time to sort it is proving difficult, I am in a bit of a catch 22 as too tired to play with them much as barely awake, unfortunately I don't like tea or coffee so cant survive on caffeine.

We live in the north west of England where the weather is not great, the prams lives in the car as there is no room for it in the house, I don't like leaving them alone in the house whilst I go get it and put it together which means we only go for walks when my fiancé is around and the weather is reasonable, I will try to get out with them more often but it's hard sad

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 15:48:35

I am so worried about co sleeping so I don't sleep much when he is in with me

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 15:52:03

I will definitely try the tshirt idea, he does seem to be going through separation anxiety

HavelockVetinari Tue 19-May-20 16:20:38

Sleep training! It saved my sanity. However, you need another room for the crap sleeper to use whilst you train him, as you can't train them both in the same room.

Maybe you and your DH could sleep in the living room for a week whilst you do it?

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 16:48:41

My fiancé already sleeps in the living room, so he gets some sleep, there's no point us both being sleep deprived, we swap for 2 nights a week so I can get some sleep, it's wrong I know but I was so happy when he was put on furlough it meant we could take it in turns of trying to get some sleep ( the living room is next to the bedroom so you still get woken up but hopefully manage to get back to sleep) he is back at work at the moment and I am finding it harder than before he went on furlough

puguin86 Tue 19-May-20 19:04:51

Oh I remember this with mine. In the end I just co slept with them. It doesn't last forever and you need your sleep x

Waveysnail Tue 19-May-20 19:15:10

I had to sleep train my first as I crashed the car into a wall while parking as fell asleep. I can only imagine with twins. DH did the training bit while I sat downstairs and cried and had headphones on as couldn't bare it but literally 5 mins crying and he dozed off shock. Def more difficult with twins.

hopelessatthinkingupusernames Tue 19-May-20 19:15:41

Agree with sleep training. You need to get them to fall asleep in their cot - if you put them down asleep then at some point they’ll wake in the night and freak out cos they are in a different place. Imagine if you fell asleep in bed then woke up in the garden. I sleep trained both of mine, one took to it straight away but the other wasn’t so easy. Definitely worth it though, a good nights sleep makes all the difference

Waveysnail Tue 19-May-20 19:16:22

Also key was putting mine down to sleep awake so they get used to settling themselves. If he has always gone into cot asleep then he might not have learned to self sooth and settle

Waveysnail Tue 19-May-20 19:17:07

Could you tag team. So one in sitting room and one with you in bedroom?

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 19:31:29

If I manage to clear enough space to fit a cot in the spare room what is your advice on sleep training, I have read so much conflicting advice, some say don't go in some say go in after 10 minutes then 12 then 14, what has worked for everyone else?

SheldonSaysSo1 Tue 19-May-20 19:35:35

Do you use white noise? Or you can use a light projector that moves, it gives them something to watch so it distracts them from crying. The idea being that they watch it and fall back asleep. Maybe a bit controversial but could you add back in a small dream feed? There may be a reason he is waking such as hunger.

TwinItToWinIt Tue 19-May-20 19:47:11

I sleep trained twins at just before a year old. I know it’s not for everyone but it saved my sanity. I laid them down then went in after one minute, then two, then four, then 8, then 16 and then back to one and so on, just a hand on the back and a quick shush and then back out of the room (no idea what the logic of that timing is, a lovely HV told me to do it and I just followed her advice, but it seemed to work). They were in the same room and weirdly didn’t wake each other up at all, but even if they did I think it would have been worth it in the long run. They were sleeping through the night after a week (and they had been pretty terrible before that, I was basically getting no sleep), and they are still good little sleepers now three years later. It honestly changed my life, sleep deprivation is hideous.

HavelockVetinari Tue 19-May-20 20:14:10

Google the Ferber method. My sister is a paediatrician and recommends this from 6 months of age.

Walsh32 Tue 19-May-20 20:24:03

I have recently started with ocean white noise, I think it sounds like me going shhhh, twin 1 who doesn't sleep now used to cry for a bit and then go to sleep he didn't wake his brother as he was severely deaf, he had auditory neuropathy, this has cleared up and he can hear now, thank god, but it does mean I can no longer put down twin 1 awake. Thank you everyone for your advice, I think we are now determined to clear a space in the spare room and try sleep training, I don't sleep anyway so 3-4 days will be nothing, I think we will do it over a weekend so I can get some sleep in the day, saying twin 1 is the bad one twin 2 has only just settled after much wriggling in my arms, twin 1 went to sleep at 18:30 so nearly 2 hours later, I usually try to go to sleep by 9pm so I can get a couple of hours before I'm woken up sad

Walsh32 Wed 20-May-20 07:44:31

4am twin 1 woke this morning, so a bit of success, I still woke every time he stured, twin 2 still woke dead on 5am

HavelockVetinari Wed 20-May-20 19:40:46

Definitely time for own room plus sleep training. I can't tell you how much happier all 3 of us were once DS started sleeping properly, especially DS - he was so much less grumpy as he was no longer sleep deprived.

Prioritise clearing that room, you can't go on like this.

HavelockVetinari Wed 20-May-20 19:41:50

Oh, and it's normal to be woken by baby stirring, DS totally ruined my very smug ability to sleep literally anywhere! sad

Worth it though! smile

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