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To think now would be the safest time to see parents?

(55 Posts)
Imperfect12 Tue 19-May-20 11:59:33

Or rather for ds to see GP's? Hear me out. So ds is very very close to GP's, they basically co-parented him in the early years as I was a lone parent working full time.

Anyway, parents have been in complete isolation since mid March and are struggling with lack of contact. DS hasn't seen anyone but me since the schools closed and I have only seen one other person once a week since the start of April (my local shopkeeper) and have worn a mask whilst doing so.

Now, my dad is shielding, both parents early 70's so they are in isolation until end of June, however obviously the virus will still be a threat when lockdown ends. When it does end I'll be back at work in a job where social distancing with colleagues won't be possible and ds may well be seeing a friend or 2 if it's allowed.
Now in my mind at that point the risks will be too high to see them whereas now I feel the risks are very small.
My parents are going to be utterly miserable if they have to spend the next year (which quite possibly could be one of their last) not seeing their GC. They're pestering me to visit but obviously I don't want to be responsible for making them ill but at the same time I don't want them sinking into depression and spending their old age alone and miserable. They basically live for their family and don't have much else going on.

On top of that, and what prompted this post today, ds has broken down in tears again this morning as he's really struggling with not seeing family /friends and is missing school.

So what's other people's thoughts on this? Am I right in thinking now is the safest time of all to see them? I don't feel goverment advice is what I need here as they're obviously concerned with the economy not individuals and common sense tells me post lockdown will be much riskier. The alternative is not to see them at all until treatment /vaccine available by which time they might be dead. Dramatic I know but just being realistic.

OP’s posts: |
Mousecheese Tue 19-May-20 21:45:59

I am in the same situation and decided to my parents last weekend in the garden. Will be doing this weekly for the summer as once DC go back to nursery I will have to stoo seeing them again.

moveandmove Tue 19-May-20 21:51:09

I don't think I'd risk going to see a shielded person. How old is ds? Would he be able to stay 2 metres away from them?

userxx Tue 19-May-20 21:54:18

Just visit them 🤷‍♂️

OoohTheStatsDontLie Tue 19-May-20 21:57:38

I am thinking the same. My children will be going back to school and nursery in a couple of weeks. Both households have been isolating the whole time, shopping delivered etc. When the kids are back at school/ childcare the risk goes up hugely so if we don't see them now we wont see them in months I think. They dont live close enough for us to walk past them or talk through a window or something

HeckyPeck Tue 19-May-20 21:59:00

I would think how bad would you feel if you did give it to them? Particularly as one is shielding so it would likely be very serious.

If you could live with that balancing the gain they would have from seeing you/your son then it’s up to you.

Or if you could buy 2 weeks shopping so you could isolate properly for 14 day’s that could mitigate some risk.

userxx Tue 19-May-20 22:02:12

It's not a death sentence, someone's gran on another thread recovered at 85, she felt rough but wasn't on a ventilator or even in hospital. If your patents are that miserable then go and see them.

BovvyDazz Tue 19-May-20 22:03:31

I agree; the risk is probably the smallest it’s been since March, and the smallest it will be for a while as everything reopens. The risk to me sounds minuscule; probably more risk to you driving there than passing on covid. Why don’t you see them but sit in the garden 5m away?
The government trackers shows daily cases by area (go on the archive page); maybe have a look at cases in your area; some are still high (50+ a day) but some regions are now only a couple of cases a day; and some even zero.

Incrediblytired Tue 19-May-20 22:06:19

I’ve been taking DD to my mum. She’s shielding and we just go round the side and hang out in the garden. She hasn’t left the house in weeks and I barely have - I get my shopping delivered and only go for outside walks, no work.

I share your risk assessment - in a few months it’s all likely to be riskier and I’ll probably be in the office not wfh. If I send DD to nursery it would be too risky so I think now is the time.

HeckyPeck Tue 19-May-20 22:12:11

It's not a death sentence, someone's gran on another thread recovered at 85, she felt rough but wasn't on a ventilator or even in hospital.

It isn’t a definite death sentence but it’s a possible one. Even more so for people shielding.

StoutDrinker2019 Tue 19-May-20 22:14:00

It's up to you to make the decision with your families best interests at heart. We have already decided with my parents that we will be seeing them from now on a regular basis which includes staying over. My parents have decided they are prepared to accept the risk and we have decided to bear the responsibility of we do pass it on. None of us are prepared to live like this or in isolation for a year or more. Its a difficult choice but one we are all going to have to make somewhere along the line. And our children will hugely benefit from this part of normal life returning.

yikesanitherone Tue 19-May-20 22:17:52

I did this today , I bought some baking powder to my mum and put toddler on the grass so he could wave ; he got excited and ran into my mums house and went straight to his toy box. It really breaks my heart seeing what this is doing to my mum. She normally has him on a Wednesday while at work and it's her favourite day of the week.

PinkiOcelot Tue 19-May-20 22:30:45

I don’t think I would, especially as one of them is shielding.
I’m on that yellow hearts group on FB and there’s been a number of people saying they have no idea where their LO got it from, they hadn’t been out etc, so that would worry me.

letmethinkaboutitfornow Tue 19-May-20 22:57:39

I would OP @Imperfect12, I would!
Mental health will be out of control shortly! (and probably claim more victims than coronavirus!) sad

farfallarocks Tue 19-May-20 23:01:03

The risk is minuscule I think most people have taken leave of their senses.

Khione Tue 19-May-20 23:04:51

Just go - this isn't going to go away and, as you've said, currently you have all been pretty much in isolation.

Is it life or just existence for your parents if they can't even see the people they love.

IMO Being scared is going to kill more people than CV at this rate.

agonyauntie2020 Wed 20-May-20 06:10:25

Go. I've lost my DM. I miss her every single freaking day. Treasure your DPs and don't let them sink into loneliness and depression like you said.

CountFosco Wed 20-May-20 06:19:48

Go and see them. MIL is desperately lonely and DH wants to go and get her to take her here but she's in Scotland and so it's much harder to get her.

Imperfect12 Wed 20-May-20 06:21:56

Thanks for your responses. Thought I'd be flamed! Ds is 11 and way better at social distancing then most adults I come across. We're walking distance to GP's. I'm thinking we'll start popping by once or twice a week until I'm back at work, they have a garden that can be accessed without entering the house. Ds needs some normality, he wasn't expecting lockdown to last so long and is struggling a bit now.

OP’s posts: |
Tumbleweed101 Wed 20-May-20 07:52:48

I’ll probably do the same. My Y6 dd is going back on June 1st and I will have had a three week furlough break by then so we may go and visit before I go back to work and my daughter starts school as our risks will increase again from that point.

Incrediblytired Sun 24-May-20 08:55:11

I think that’s fine OP. It’s what I’ve been doing and this is going to go on for ages.

stuckindoors77 Sun 24-May-20 09:01:40

You're walking distance away, definitely pop by every week or so. Stand at the end of the drive or sit in their garden (if accessible) a safe distance away. The risks of passing it on are very very low if you're out of doors and 2m away.

GabriellaMontez Sun 24-May-20 09:10:36

Stay outside 2 metres away. You'll be fine. Your parents are adults. They can assess their own risk. You should respect that.

BimbleWimble Sun 24-May-20 09:11:57

It would be better if you could get your shopping delivered. I wouldn’t visit someone who is should be being shielded if I had been into shops recently.

CatLadyP Sun 24-May-20 09:17:36

I'm surprised at how many people think it's fine to go visiting their families. What would happen if everyone did that?

Yes it's rubbish but it's the same for all of us and it won't be forever, plus at least there is video calling nowadays. This whole thing is going to last longer if people just go seeing who they like.

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