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To love one child more than the other

(176 Posts)
inadarkdarktown Tue 19-May-20 07:39:42

I just wondered if other people feel this way too and just never say so because it sounds so awful?

OP’s posts: |
Runbitchrun Tue 19-May-20 07:41:53

I quite often like one child more than the other, but over the weeks/months/years it varies which child that is. I don’t love one more than the other. I have more in common with one, and thus find it easier to spend time with them, but there is so much I admire about the other. I love them both equally.

blubellsarebells Tue 19-May-20 07:42:38

The rags, the wright stuff and loose women did this story not too long ago.
Do we really have to rehash the same old tabloid trash?

StepAwayFromGoogle Tue 19-May-20 07:43:54

I wouldn't say I do but I would certainly say I feel closer to one or the other at various points dependent on how much they need me at that time.
How old are yours, OP? Are there reasons why you think you might love one more than the other?

papiermaches Tue 19-May-20 07:44:53

If you do you do I suppose. I can’t imagine loving one more than the other and I’m glad I don’t. My DW though clearly favours one over the other tho loves them equally. She just finds one easier to deal with/ has more in common with them and I worry about that down the line.

Mydoglicksplates Tue 19-May-20 07:50:03

I'd imagine it's fairly common going by the amount of adults I know who are certain their parent had a favourite.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 19-May-20 07:56:12

What is in your heart can be hidden, just don’t ever show it.

I read a really sweet article once, and I can’t remember how they worked it out numerically, but a survey asked parents if they had a favourite child and adult children if they thought they were the favourite child, and the gist was that a great proportion of the children thought they were the favourite when statistically they couldn’t have been. Therefore parents make a brilliant job of not showing it/making the unfavourite child not aware of it.

TheGirlWithAPrince Tue 19-May-20 07:58:29

I love my kids the same but i like them differently.

My youngest is clingy and my eldest is loud :D i prefer each one on different days.

Sometimes my youngest sleeps better and other times my eldest sleeps better.

Megatron Tue 19-May-20 08:02:05

No I don't love one more than the other. We have different relationships obviously. It's a shame you feel that way.

JackMummy12 Tue 19-May-20 08:02:49

I don’t but judging how my MIL treats my husband compared to his sister then I know some parents do.

Make sure you hide it well because it’s horrible seeing how it effects people, I see it with our children compared to how my SILs are treated too how it just continues to filter.

SoNooneRecognisesMe Tue 19-May-20 08:04:07

@blubellsarebells
The rags, the wright stuff and loose women did this story not too long ago.
Do we really have to rehash the same old tabloid trash?

So we probably shouldn't discuss the pandemic, the environment, anything regarding any celebrity or well, pretty much anything then? My, Mumsnet is gonna be quiet if everyone listens to you! grin

Yester Tue 19-May-20 08:04:32

Often there is a reason tied up with the birth, post or pre natal depression Or events, the position of the child (1st borne often a treated much more harshly) and this can then escalate any actual reasons you might prefer a child to another (such a personality). My friend has an obvious favourite who she always says is such a well behaved child and so thoughtful etc he is a great kid but no better or worse than her other child but she can't see it. She definitely had untreated postnatal depression and this has warped her view of the eldest for years.

inadarkdarktown Tue 19-May-20 08:06:07

I didn't realise loose women spoke about it, I don't watch that.

I do hide it don't worry. Maybe when they are older I will feel differently. One of them is just really exceptional. Maybe because she's my eldest too, I'm not sure.

OP’s posts: |
rossKemp Tue 19-May-20 08:08:30

I’m so sad for you OP, such a shame to feel this way sad

dottiedodah Tue 19-May-20 08:09:18

I think many people get on better with one child than another .Just a personality thing really . As they get older there are times when this may change ,

LisaSimpsonsbff Tue 19-May-20 08:13:53

I'd imagine it's fairly common going by the amount of adults I know who are certain their parent had a favourite.

My brother and I both think we were the favourite so I guess that actually suggests my parents didn't have favourites!

Sadly, my mum and my aunt both believed themselves to be their mother's least favourite, and it greatly tainted their relationship. I guess she didn't have favourites either, she just liked playing her children off against once another sad

Weekday28 Tue 19-May-20 08:13:54

Its a personality thing. I get on better with one child more than one of my others. However it is the same for my husband but opposite children. I love them the same. I just click better with one better. I also think children feel the same about parents but wouldn't admit it too.

PenguinIce Tue 19-May-20 08:14:36

I think it is much more common than people realise as most children believe their parents had a favourite! Think some parents who state they don’t have a favourite are in denial (and have not hid it as well as they think they have)!

Straycatstrut Tue 19-May-20 08:34:26

I've had feelings like this but then I always blame myself. My eldest is anxious and clingy and OH SO totally sensitive. I was so over protective of him as a baby/toddler. So strict with his freedom. I was completely different with youngest as I was so depressed I struggled to care about anything, he had too much freedom. He is a little thrill seeker and just embraces everything and loves life. Crazy when you think about it, no dad and very unhappy mum.

Deep down I know I love them both the same and would die for either in a heartbeat.

Malysh Tue 19-May-20 08:36:45

I think "love" and "get along with" are two very different things.

I always got along with my father better than my brothers. I didn't have expectations he couldn't fulfill so I guess he found it easier to get along with me ?

But I don't think he loves my brothers any less, and he's certainly never treated them unfairly. We all had the same opportunities - though we made much different choices in life.

On the other hand I know a couple who each favour a different child, quite blatantly too (in terms of how they're treated and what they get) and it's frankly a bit sad to witness. I mean this as in, they remember their favourite's birthday but somehow don't remember the other child's birthday.

It may seem balanced in that each child gets to be one parent's favourite but it really isn't as this manifests in different ways. And also probably does some damage.

BilboBercow Tue 19-May-20 08:39:12

The child you love less will know. Trust me they will. Parents with a golden child always think they don't show it

Newcatmum Tue 19-May-20 08:45:46

I had really bad anxiety during my pregnancy with my youngest after a MMC then I nearly lost her at birth so I worry about her a lot more than I did/do my older child. Sometimes I worry that this means I love her more but I don't think I do. My oldest can be really cheeky and annoying and there's days my youngest is my favourite but then there is days (like today 🙄) where the youngest is being a total nightmare so older child will be my favourite today grin.

LittleCandle Tue 19-May-20 08:48:36

XH favoured our oldest child to a ridiculous point. The younger child (both are adults now) still has issues, and has cut all contact with him. Oldest child and I have a difficult relationship, as he undermined me constantly. We were getting on better and then he returned to the scene and our problems came back.

I love both my children equally. I sometimes don't like them much, but I always love them equally.

BarbeDeMaman Tue 19-May-20 08:51:16

No! I have two very different children but I am their main champion, guardian, line of defence and support so I couldn't possibly favour one over the other. If I fostered or adopted another child I would have to treat them identically too. That's my job. One of mine is easier than the other but I definitely love them equally. They're part of my team, that's how it works.

I think if, as a parent, you do prefer one, it's on you to never ever let that preference show.

Gtugccbjb Tue 19-May-20 08:52:59

Jesus. Delete everything in your phone that links to this. Think what you want but when you write it down you risk it being found out. Poor kid. Keep it to yourself and go and be nice to the other one. “Exceptional “ 🙄

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