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To move my son in anyway?

(77 Posts)
SquishyBones Tue 19-May-20 06:28:21

I have another thread going on about ending my marriage. There is a bit of info I left out because ... well I don’t know why but I can’t add it now as it would look like a massive drip feed.

I have a 21 year old son who is living in student shared house. His contract runs out first of June and he’s asked to come home. Of course I said yes, no problem. We live in a big 4 bedroomed house with 3 of those bedrooms being unused. Why would I say no?

DH (not his dad) has said no. My son has never put a foot wrong, has worked since he was 13 (paper rounds, newsagent, bakery, retail store ... ) and has completed a university degree with no financial help as DH wouldn’t let me send him financial help (yes I’ve now realised how fucking stupid and controlled ive been). Now my son is set to be homeless and he’s saying “tough, not my problem, he has to stand on his own two feet and get a job” ... yet his own son (24) is living at home with his mother and hasn’t worked a day in his life.

I’ve had many arguments with him about not letting my son come home and last night I asked “so, if for whatever reason your son had to move out of his mothers house you would say he couldn’t come here?” ... he hesitated and replied “well, I don’t know ... that’s different”.

Straw that broke the camels back. So fucking hypocritical. He doesn’t give a shit about me or my son. This is what brought everything crashing down to me like a fucking freight train. For years I have been controlled and had my relationship with my son ripped to pieces. Now he’s willing (probably hoping) that my son goes NC with me and I will lose him.

The rest of the stuff in my other thread was true ... but this was the main reason for my thread last night. The nail in the coffin. This is why I want a divorce.

In the meantime, can I move my son in anyway?? It’s all a massive fucking mess. I don’t know what to do.

Sunnyjac Tue 19-May-20 06:33:43

Yes do it. Your marriage is over so your husband’s reaction doesn’t matter and you can start to rebuild your relationship with your son

HeartZone Tue 19-May-20 06:35:00

My heart bleeds for your son.
I have one a little older.
You must allow him to move back in, it’s his family home! Please don’t let him be homeless. Good luck.

KatherineJaneway Tue 19-May-20 06:40:11

Move your son in and start divorce proceedings ASAP.

Good luck flowers

yearinyearout Tue 19-May-20 06:41:25

What an arsehole. Definitely end your marriage and live with your son. Is the house in your name/his/both?

SquishyBones Tue 19-May-20 06:44:10

It’s in both names. I really don’t know how to proceed.

SnoozyLou Tue 19-May-20 06:46:20

I would move him in and start divorce proceedings ASAP. No offence OP but your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work. I would not move out of the family home.

CodenameVillanelle Tue 19-May-20 06:46:26

Get a lawyer
Warn your son that the house will be a weird place as you're divorcing your husband but that you want him there and would appreciate his support. File for divorce and don't waver.

SnoozyLou Tue 19-May-20 06:47:31

And I wouldn’t have another conversation about it - I’d just do it.

SquishyBones Tue 19-May-20 06:49:58

Been married 4 years and he initially bought this house for us to move into 7 years ago. He lied to me at the time and said I couldn’t be named on it as it would stop us getting a mortgage. I looked into it, called bullshit and 2 years later I finally managed to get the house in both names. Will this affect what I’m entitled to? (As it was initially “his” despite me paying half of everything from the start ... including the mortgage?)

Mumdiva99 Tue 19-May-20 06:50:15

I read the other thread and thought you should end it. Now absolutely you should end it.

What are you getting from the marriage? Because I can't see much. Wouldn't you be better off on your own?

Your son has just finished studying of course he should come home. No question.

EggysMom Tue 19-May-20 06:51:28

And start using one of those other bedrooms for yourself - living in a 4 bedroomed house with 3 bedrooms unused suggests you are still sleeping with your 'D'H ...

pilates Tue 19-May-20 06:55:08

Yes, your poor son. Will he make life difficult for him when he moves in?

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 19-May-20 06:57:41

YANBU. I would definitely move your ds home.

blubellsarebells Tue 19-May-20 06:57:42

Let your son move in, tell him what the situation is and let him support you.
Move into one of the spare rooms, ive no idea how you're sharing a home let alone a bed with this vile hypocritical loser.
Get a shit hot lawyer.
Divorce the dickwad.
Have a happy life.

fuckinghellthisshit Tue 19-May-20 07:01:20

Move your son home, start divorce proceedings

Starlightstarbright1 Tue 19-May-20 07:07:29

You can phone a solicitor today they are still doing over the phone stuff

EveryDayIsADuvetDay Tue 19-May-20 07:12:57

And start using one of those other bedrooms for yourself

So I'm not the only one confused by the fact you're ending the marriage, have spare bedrooms, but choose to sleep with the controlling twat.
Move to another room, file for divorce, encourage your son to move home - but as a PP advised, tell him the atmosphere might be a bit weird.

Sweetiepye Tue 19-May-20 07:23:33

The house is half his, so I don’t know if legally ‘D’H could stop him coming to stay? You need to phone a lawyer specialising in family law and start divorce proceedings.

Ragwort Tue 19-May-20 07:24:15

Why are you still sharing a bedroom with him shock ?

Agree with everyone else, move your DS in, but make sure you’ve started divorce proceedings.

speakout Tue 19-May-20 07:28:00

Your poor son.

I would kick out OH, let son move in and start repairing the damage you have caused to the relationship you have with your son.

Doowop20 Tue 19-May-20 07:30:37

The main problem I can see is that your poor son will be living in a home where he is obviously not welcome. Living like that day to day will be awful for him.

speakout Tue 19-May-20 07:30:55

OP I would be very gratefu that your son wants to move back with you.

Megatron Tue 19-May-20 07:31:10

Squishy I'm on your other thread, your husband is an emotionally abusive arsehole and your marriage is over anyway. Move your lovely son back in, you need the support right now anyway.

SquishyBones Tue 19-May-20 07:31:29

He is welcome by me.

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