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To think I have failed as a mum(11 Posts)
Ok perhaps i am being a bit over dramatic with the title
I'll just give a few detail some
I have been living in France for 25 years with my French DH and our 4 DC. All of them were born and have lived their entire lives in France and are a lot more french then they are British . My eldest is 16 and her behaviours has really been worrying me lately . Around 8 months ago she was not interested in politit's at all and was just a normal teen.
She suddenly she gets a new boyfriend who is 18 (only just 18 but still 18) and suddenly she has become obsessed . And I am scared that her views are becoming so intolerant . Genuinely she is scaring me . She's never really cared about England and brexit before and suddenly she won't stop talking about how the UK is free from Europes tyranny and how France needs to do the same ( no offence to anyone who vote does brexit I don't have a problem with your views at all it's just my daughters sudden interest is worrying me)
Then before lockdown she started going to all these political meetings and joined the far-right party youth division here (Marine Le Party). I know her party is becoming more mainstream but I would definitely still call her racist . Lately she has been making little snippy comments towards us about how me and my DH are sheep who fall for the leftist media and how she was woken up .
Then today I saw messages on her phone from party politicians and she's on this groucphat with several volunteers planning new meetings . Several MPs have got in touch with her on Facebook just to try and encourage her and telll her she has a bright future She has ordered all this merchandise for her room and has been sending do many letters to Marine Le Pen and other party members and MPs . She is obsessed and I have no idea what to do or even to stop it .
Part of me is worried because I think Marine Le Pen is racist and I don't want my daughter to be like that and the other part of me is concerned why she is so obsessed. She has began isloting herself more from her friends if they don't share her beliefs . I have no idea if I should do anything or nothing . I am really panicking and I don't even know if I should be
I don't have any good advice, but would be worried in your shoes.
Are you politically articulate? I’m asking because I went through a similar period as a teenager and my mother, who was well versed in politics across the spectrum, was able to make a couple of arguments that put me in my place. She needs to be challenged on her beliefs. She needs to be able to articulate her positions, with proof. Otherwise she is regurgitating the ideas of others which also makes her a sheep.
No advice, just lots of sympathy. There's no way that you've failed; once our children are in their late teens it's impossible to completely police their friendships.
this link could be helpful
I agree you shouldn't be scared of having a debate with her. Not in a shouty sort of way, in an adult, "this is what I feel and why" sort of way. Get her to evidence and explain her reasoning - really push her on it. Challenge the shit out of it, but do it in a very objective, academic way so she can't take it as a personal attack. And if you get nowhere, you just have to ride it out - this is her teenage rebellion. It won't necessarily last.
You need to create a culture of openly discussing politics in your house in a fact based way, daily. discuss headlines and populism and the mechanics how populism works. I have grown up in a house like this and one could not get away with superficial statements.
i also believe she might feel quite empowered by the political circles you describe, I wouldn't tell her she is wrong to join them, as this might drive her further away. Although I'd strongly oppose her views with solid good arguments.
it's a horrible situation, i do feel for you.
Keep debating with her. Keep unemotional. Keep it at a 'this is an interesting discussion' keep a very very close eye on adult grooming and radicalisation. Is there someone at her school or people within the community who you could make aware? She is a vulnerable child.
Sounds like she's been radicalised. UK schools do a lot of training on this. Have a look online.
You haven't failed. People do have the right to follow whichever political party and ideology they choose. As long as she isn't carrying out racist acts/breaking the law then....I don't know, but she does have the right to choose her own beliefs.
Maybe read up on the party that she is choosing to follow. Is it a genuinely racist party or has it been painted that way by the opposite side?
I'm sorry OP. A really significant number of referrals for radicalisation are for teens radicalised by the far right. Look up online ways to talk to radicalised youth, treat it like a cult. Be a consistent presence. Maybe try if you afford it to take a family holiday (when you can!) somewhere with a different culture.
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