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To think my brother needs a swift kick up the jacksie

(18 Posts)
Chirpygirl Wed 19-Sep-07 15:24:30

My little bro is the baby of the family, but he is 22, and been at uni for 3 years, so perfectly capable of looking after himself.

Last time he came to visit me was 2 years ago when he had a bike race in the city I was living in.
He has met his niece precisely once when we all went to my GP's for a birthday thing. I have met his girlfriend of 3 years once on teh same day.
He has a car and lives 90 minutes drive away, and had no job while at uni and yet never once came to visit.

I speak to him on the phone every so often (normally while he is staying at my mums) and ask when he is going to come and stay so DD can get to know him and vv. and point out he has open invitation along with GF to come vist as I want to see him...
Anyway, to the point, the other night the conversation went like this....
'My gf wants to visit her mates in (town 10 miles from me) and we thought we could come and see you as well? Would that be okay?'
'When would this be dear brother?'
'Oh, the first week of October.'
'You mean the week I am due to give birth? Well, you can come for lunch or the afternoon but you can't stay overnight I'm afraid'
'Oh, we'll not bother then, we don't have anywhere else to stay, we were going to stay with you for a few days and then visit her mates in the daytime'

AIBU to think he is being a selfish cheeky arsewipe?

MaryAnnSingleton Wed 19-Sep-07 15:26:39

YANBU - what a cheeky thing - and 90 minutes away is no distance !! I'd be cross

MadLabOwner Wed 19-Sep-07 15:26:47

YANBU, swift kick required. He is taking you completely for granted, as often happens in families

MyTwoDoubloonsWorth Wed 19-Sep-07 15:27:07

He's 22.

Nuff said.

You can store all this up and remind him of it once he rejoins the human race at the age of 35 wink

Chirpygirl Wed 19-Sep-07 15:34:11

What makes it worse is DH's bro is the same age with same age gap between them. He has a full time (6 day a week) job.
He has been to visit at least once every 2 months since we moved here, including getting a mate to drive him 2 weeks before his brain operation!!!! (to remove a benign tumour from top of spine)
He doesn't just coem to see DD, although he does dote on her, but he likes to spend time with his brother...

Chirpygirl Wed 19-Sep-07 18:10:21

So what does everyone else think before I call my mum and whine about him so she can lay on a guilt trip!

HonoriaGlossop Wed 19-Sep-07 18:20:13

Well, i think it's utterly pointless if your mum attempts to lay a guilt trip on him. Would you really want him to come and see you and dd purely and simply out of duty? i can't imagine you would.

I think just keep in touch as far as you can. Yes, it's sad that he has no drive to see his neice, but you can't actually give him that drive by moaning on; you'll just push him further away.

He sounds selfish and self absorbed, but my goodness I've known some men like that, specially at Uni which is such an insular environment.

I'd say just keep in touch with no agenda in view. He may well come closer to you in future years when his life 'regularises' a bit.

Ladywhingealot Wed 19-Sep-07 18:27:06

Oh wait until he settles down and his own wife is pg then remind him, remind him, remind him! Typical thoughtless young(ish!) bloke behaviour ...

Chirpygirl Wed 19-Sep-07 18:29:32

Oh I know it would be pointless but he honestly has no clue why I got snarky with him, I just wanted her to explain why and for him to feel a little bad, or at least say sorry.
I don't want to force him but as he is the baby he has got away with acting like this for years, mum left our father when he was 15, after my bro found out about his affairs and told her, so she spoils him rotten because she feels guilty he had to do what he did IYSWIM.
I think after 7 years he should start to realise it isn't all about him!
He is the same with my other sisters's not just me!

Moomin Wed 19-Sep-07 18:31:25

Younger brothers in their 20s - Expect nothing from them and you won't be disappointed.

My brother was absolutely HOPELESS throughout his 20s - hardly ever rang me or our dad when he was at Uni and then living away; self-absorbed and completely thoughtless, etc etc.

It took him til his mid 30s and a life-threatening illness for him to realise which side his bread's buttered and he's tonnes better now - loads of emails and photos from abroad, always remembers the dds' birthdays, tells us he loves us -AWWwwwww!

Tortington Wed 19-Sep-07 18:33:38

oh i think he's sweet - and if you had the rrom - even with impending birth -i would say "sure - but piss off when labour comes - deal?"

i think he sounds an ok kinda bloke.

of course family are there todrop in on - in my book - well you should really ask my family who i drop in on grin but all family are welcome anytime day or night at mine.

impending birth - i get it - so would make that the fuck off clause

Chirpygirl Wed 19-Sep-07 20:31:38

Custy, he is lovely, when we do talk he's a real sweetheart, but he had completely forgotten when I was due (again, fair enough, he's a man!) and when I explained I don't want his GF to meet me properly and be a guest in my house when I either am hugely PG or with a newborn he just didn't get it, he needs a reality check!

I would have no problem with him ringing any other time and dropping in, it's just that he made it so clear he is only coming as his GF wants to see her friends, no 'and I'd love to see you and DD'

I'm overreacting slightly aren't I!

Tortington Thu 20-Sep-07 00:14:31

god i hate these generalisations but IMO and IME men just arn't emotionally built that way - your his sis, so he can come to see you. she gives him sex - she trumps you at the mo.

i think you need to see him and remind each other how much family means - then tell him to fuck off grin

Chirpygirl Thu 20-Sep-07 13:42:31

Sex? my brother isn't having sex!?!?!
I really didn't want that mental image!

I know you are right, I just needed it out of my system I think. I did mention it to my mum as she knew something was up and she just sighed and said 'He's a boy, what did you expect?!'

empen Thu 20-Sep-07 13:54:14

If you wait and remind him of it at a later date he won't remember anything about it. Hes a man after all. If it is bothering you (and it would bother me) tell him you are not a cheap hotel and he should stop to being so self centred.

FCH Thu 20-Sep-07 14:01:19


My husband and I work away from home a lot and often our house is empty at the weekends too. My little bro (25) has spent most of the last year treating it as a second home / free hotel for weekends when we aren't in but his girlfriend is around.

It took a few pointed comments and one downright bollocking (which might have had some extra spice thanks to my current hormonal state) before he started acting like a human being and remembering to be grateful to us for doing him such a massive favour. On the bright side he does seem to have got the message now.

BTW, my other brother (28) turned into a normal human being a couple of years ago so you might not have that long to wait grin

maisemor Thu 20-Sep-07 14:42:15

If you really wanted to see him, why not let him stay that week but tell him that if you do go into labour he will be expected to babysit his niece (whilst he is sober). Perfect opportunity for him to meet your next child.

I am probably missing something here.

Chirpygirl Fri 21-Sep-07 10:06:21

It would be a good idea maisemor, he is quite hard work and costs a lot as they are both athletes and eat shedloads but he is welcome to come round!
He can't stay overnight as my IL's are staying to look after DD when I am in hospital so there is no room unless they fancy sleeping on the floor in the sitting room!

My point was more that he is welcome to come, but he didn't want to as he only wanted to use me as a base for visiting friends as they came first, rather than visiting me and his friends.

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