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Double barreling dc name, which way round?

(46 Posts)
Musereader Mon 18-May-20 12:37:55

So after splitting up with an ex (Bumble) he will not give permission to rename with my surname (Reader) so i intend to apply to court for double barrel. (Names used are not real)

So my mum and me think my name needs to come first, so Reader-Bumble as children will be filed under R and the first part of the hyphen is what shows up when there is limited space.

Brother is making the argument that it needs to be Bumble-Reader, because the last last name is what people see and will use, if post is delivered to both Reader and Bumble at the same address and there is a redirect on the name Bumble then anything Reader-Bumble will be sent to Bumble.

If you double barrelled which did you chose and why?

Ynbu = Reader-Bumble
Yabu = Bumble-Reader

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NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Mon 18-May-20 12:39:51

It does kinda depend on what the names are: it may just roll off the tongue better one way.

FloreanFortescue Mon 18-May-20 12:47:38

Reader Bumble. Just because it's yours. 🤷🏻‍♀️

bridgetreilly Mon 18-May-20 12:49:15

You and your mother are right.

Windyatthebeach Mon 18-May-20 12:52:16

But if you put his name first you could in general use first name, first initial of his name , your surname in full.
So Bobby B Reader..
At school they ask for prefered name. Give my suggestion!! His name need not be prominent!

opticaldelusion Mon 18-May-20 12:53:02

It depends. If you're always going to use the double-barrelled name in full and not try to drop one end of it, then go with whatever sounds best. Usually a shorter syllable name sounds best last, i.e. Fluffington-Smthye.

If you're going to have two surnames without a hyphen, then put yours last. Ultimately the other bit will just become a middle name.

You can also have 'known as' at school and whatnot when you just use your name. Depends how involved your ex turns out to be in the coming years.

Mail redirection doesn't work like that any more. You have to list each individual person and their name (and pay per individual). You don't list by name any more.

Musereader Mon 18-May-20 12:53:39

Neither of them sound better, it is a very common english name (think top 10 surnames in england) and a very uncommon Asian name that rhymes with beer

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Musereader Mon 18-May-20 12:54:27

Both are 2 syllables

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Ladyratterley Mon 18-May-20 12:55:01

I don't really follow your brothers thinking, and I have a double barrelled name. I went with Myname Hisname. Just because it flowed better and an addition onto the end of my name sat better with me than putting his name in the middle.

Just go with Reader-Bumble.

ScrimpshawTheSecond Mon 18-May-20 12:56:11

My dp and I double barrelled with my name in the middle purely because of scansion and how it sounds.

I'm double barrelled and tbh my mother's name (in the middle) was dropped by the time I started school.

If you want the children to have your name, have it last.

MaggieFS Mon 18-May-20 12:57:11

Assuming the flow works for both and you've checked all initials don't spell anything rude, then I would go with your approach.

Spied Mon 18-May-20 12:59:26

Reader Bumble

I'd want my name first and straight after the child's first name.
The ex's Bumble will just be an add-on.
When you say the child's name it will be X Reader ( Bumble)
I'd mumble the last partgrin

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 18-May-20 13:00:20

I went with myname hisname when we married - it just sounded better and I’d read that not having a hyphen was posher so we didn’t have one. What a mistake! Everyone assumes my name is a middle name, both names are unusual spellings so need spelling out all the time. Just wish I’d picked one or the other tbh!

Although they are all still officially myname hisname, DS1 uses hisname, whereas DS2 and DD use myname as they prefer the sound of it with their first names.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 18-May-20 13:01:21

When you say the child's name it will be X Reader ( Bumble)
I'd mumble the last part

grin yes this!

Euclid Mon 18-May-20 13:03:19

The tradition is to put the mother's/wife's name first in a double barrelled name but of course you can do whichever you like.
The Court takes this matter very seriously. Many aggrieved ex-wives try to change their children's names to the wife's own name to annoy the ex-husband. This is a very serious matter that is not to be taken lightly. I am not surprised that your ex didn't agree and I suspect that few fathers would, so it is a matter best decided by the Court.

mummymeister Mon 18-May-20 13:03:50

why dont you leave things as they are and wait until your children ar old enough to have a conversation with and let them decide what their name should be. Its there name, surely they should have a say in what it is? My step father and DM did this with me when I was 10 just before going into senior school. I opted to keep my own name, not change to step df or double barrel.

Bootskates Mon 18-May-20 13:04:15

My niece is "name mumsname-dadsname" and her dad's name has been pretty much dropped over the years.

I would put your name first.

Musereader Mon 18-May-20 13:09:15

Both are less common vowels, no rude words. (But it does make a car brand)

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Musereader Mon 18-May-20 13:20:19

@mummymeister, because he has already redirected the whole family's post without my permission - while i have cancelled the redirect i am having things put in my maiden name even before the divorce so that if he does it again it won't affect my post at least.

But that does not solve the problem about the children's things, so i am wondering which way round is best so it comes to me (Reader) regardless. And i know i can't change it to mine only on legal things for the children. Hence the order of the names

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Bringmewineandcake Mon 18-May-20 13:22:21

If yours is very common I'd go His Yours. Purely because to my ears Kier Evans sounds better than Evans Kier for example.

QueenOfCatan Mon 18-May-20 13:24:40

We went mine-DH, similar situation with one being very uncommon Asian name and the other being a very common British name. It sounded better being mine first though!

BabyLlamaZen Mon 18-May-20 13:27:30

Whatever sounds better. Generally I agree the less common one first as everyone will remember the last bit. Otherwise the less common bit will get dropped.

Fink Mon 18-May-20 13:28:27

Me and dc have Reader-Bumble. We use the whole name in full (despite divorce meaning I have no real attachment to the Bumble part). Nearly everyone follows suit except:
1) Occasionally there are print outs which don't have room for both, especially in DD's sport where the character count seems to be limited, so then she gets the equivalent of Reader-Bum (only not rude with our name), or Reader-Bumble and her first name gets cut off.

2) Some people who knew me by my maiden name continue to use that, so just call me Reader.

3) A small minority of people are just plain lazy or don't seem to understand double barrelled names. They all go for Reader, not Bumble.

lowlandLucky Mon 18-May-20 13:49:33

Bumble reader so your child can be Johnny B Reader if they choose

PicsInRed Mon 18-May-20 13:51:27

Yours first so that you are in the same alphabetical groupings. Surprising how often this is useful. Also first is effectively the first part of the surname. That, you will want if your child eventually wants to choose one surname and they may identify more with the one with the same first letter.

To a PP, I see zero reason why a child shouldn't have it's own mothers name, at least in part - especially as she will do the bulk of the raising (and this father in particular sounds hopeless).

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