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Not to be more ambitious for my DD?

(210 Posts)
PoorUnfortunateMoles Sun 17-May-20 18:47:52

I'm a feminist and I always thought I would have a load of lofty ambitions for my DD about her being a scientist or architect, engineer or an artist.
She is very feminine and loves bright, fun, happy, neon things. She loves dancing. She loves Barbie. I'm shocked at how ok I feel about this. Surely if she's happy then there's worse things than enjoying pop songs and dressing up?

Waveysnail Sun 17-May-20 18:48:52

How old?

PoorUnfortunateMoles Sun 17-May-20 18:49:42

5

Rainbowb Sun 17-May-20 18:51:21

To me, feminism is about women accepting who they are and having the life they choose. Your opinion matters so if you give her the freedom to be who she is then she will find it easier to develop a healthy self esteem.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 17-May-20 18:54:34

@rainbow I completely agree. Being feminine isnt anti feminist and it's very damaging of you to think it is. You are immediately assuming any girl who likes pink and barbie is unintelligent and wont be interested in more academic subjects.
If you want your daughter to be happy you need to let her be herself.

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 17-May-20 18:54:41

There's nothing to stop her liking Barbie, dancing and science/architecture though, is there?

She is only 5. You need to keep giving her a range of experiences and role models.

MimiSunshine Sun 17-May-20 18:56:05

YANBU to be ok with what she’s happy with at age FIVE. Kids change as they grow up.

YWBVU to then limit all of her experiences and toys to those interests i.e. dance classes Only rather than also encouraged to try sports and football too.

Or Barbie and similar toys only. No duplo or problem solving toys etc.

Not suggesting that you would treat her like that but many do limit little girls to the pink girly stuff and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy

PinkiOcelot Sun 17-May-20 18:57:31

OP, with all due respect, she’s 5.

PoorUnfortunateMoles Sun 17-May-20 18:58:10

She always more interested in the lighter stuff though, I buy those books about famous women and she's much more into Josephine Baker and Coco Chanel rather than Marie Curie or Temple Grandin. All the women are of merit obviously, but if one role model 'is pretty' then my dd is automatically more interested in her than the others.

NerrSnerr Sun 17-May-20 18:59:10

You're a feminist but shocked that you're ok with her being feminine?

Bluntness100 Sun 17-May-20 19:00:19

She’s five, that is normal.

I’d never have looked at my five year old daughter playing in her sand pit with her brightly coloured clothes , imitating the teletubbies and thought “yup that’s a major commercial lawyer right there”.

Seriously, encourage her to be the best she can be, she’s a long road yet.

loveisagirlnameddaisy Sun 17-May-20 19:00:43

What is your definition of feminism?

PoorUnfortunateMoles Sun 17-May-20 19:00:59

@MimiSunshine I try but she is very dismissive of things that might contain an element of problem solving/ logical thinking. Even Disney Lego, she wants me to build it all whilst she dances around with Belle, she can't even be bothered to put her head on her body!

Bluntness100 Sun 17-May-20 19:01:14

* I buy those books about famous women and she's much more into Josephine Baker and Coco Chanel rather than Marie Curie or Temple Grandin*

Is this some form of wind up? She’s five.

Lulublu Sun 17-May-20 19:01:31

That sounds quite normal for 5. I’ve just had to read 4 books about unicorns in a row to persuade my two small children to sleep. I’m presuming they will be less in to unicorns when they grow up. Just make sure she has access to lots of different experiences - tastes change... even late into teenage years and beyond.

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 17-May-20 19:01:40

As a matter of interest, do you praise her for prettiness? 'Oh you look so sweet in that top' etc?
Do you also praise her just as much for solving jigsaw puzzles etc 'I really liked the way you were so logical finding the pieces'?

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal Sun 17-May-20 19:02:07

Feminism is bc about choice. If this is her choice be happy.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 17-May-20 19:02:14

I buy those books about famous women and she's much more into Josephine Baker and Coco Chanel rather than Marie Curie or Temple Grandin

Very good op, you had me for a minute there 😂

Bluntness100 Sun 17-May-20 19:02:18

Even Disney Lego, she wants me to build it all whilst she dances around with Belle, she can't even be bothered to put her head on her body

This is batshit.

She’s five. I can’t say it enough, she’s totally normal for five.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Sun 17-May-20 19:02:47

Yanbu to be accepting of your childs preferences

Yabu to to relating her preferences at 5 to her future career

To me feminism is equality and that means having options. Therefore liking everything pink and sparkly is an equally valid option, as long as it's not chosen because that's what's expected or because there is pressure from other people to like that.

I think personally that most 5 year olds like bright neon things and dancing

CecilyP Sun 17-May-20 19:05:12

She’s 5! I think a grip is needed!

GreytExpectations Sun 17-May-20 19:05:16

Feminism is about women being able to do and enjoy whatever they want to it's not about not liking girly stuff. Nothing is wrong with that at all, oresurirng her into a certain career and telling her she can't play with barbies is actually anti feminist in my opinion. It's about choice, and you shouldn't be worried as long as she is happy and is given all options to live her life as she wishes

Cam2020 Sun 17-May-20 19:05:44

Is this a wind up?

Dishwashersaurous Sun 17-May-20 19:07:02

Ffs she’s five!!! Five!!!

Of course she’s not going to care about the wider stuff.

By the time she’s a ten you will be having shocked conversations about the 1976 equal pay act. Trust me

Merryoldgoat Sun 17-May-20 19:09:18

This must be a wind up... how on earth can you think those things about a 5 year old?

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