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AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

(256 Posts)
1Micem0use Sun 17-May-20 10:23:14

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

OP’s posts: |
dementedpixie Sun 17-May-20 10:28:09

If he has nothing he will be isolated from friends/peers as it's also a way to connect with others whether talking about it in person or talking online to friends. It has been a way to keep in touch during lockdown too.

avroroad Sun 17-May-20 10:32:44

Lots of kids game and don't grow up like your examples.

HoppingPavlova Sun 17-May-20 10:33:45

Good luck with that. He will just go to friends houses and play there, especially as a teenager.

Lofu Sun 17-May-20 10:34:34

It's not about the console, it's the games.
Put the effort in to learn about what's out there and what's appropriate. If appropriately monitored there's no reason your son can't enjoy gaming in a healthy way.

RJnomore1 Sun 17-May-20 10:34:50

How old is he?

Best thing to do is focus on age appropriate issues as they come up and not create nonproblems for yourself now by having inflexible thinking.

godyouareahhhhh Sun 17-May-20 10:35:30

My bet is he will be the only child in his class without a games console when older and that alone could lead to bullying.

Oakmaiden Sun 17-May-20 10:35:43

I know a few gamers who are as you describe. (My husband and eldest son). I know many more who are far more moderate (me, my younger son and daughter, most of my friends...)

I think if you have an obsessive personality then you are going to find something to obsess over - be it computer games, football, model railways or whatever. If you don't then you won't.

Horehound Sun 17-May-20 10:35:56

I think they are good in moderation. I know people like you do who are obsessed and have made boyfriends exes because of it.
But I also have great memories of playing F zero X and Goldeneye with my bother and me and my friend played asteroids, sonic the hedgehog and Alone in the dark on the pc and we loved it.
Not obsessed. I haven't played a game in years but sometimes would like to play some viva pinata or something.

Everything in moderation

Mucklowe Sun 17-May-20 10:36:18

YANBU at all. Gaming is a complete waste of time and a brain-rotter.

You'll get people telling you that it teaches you "skills". No. Team sport, craft hobbies, group tasks teach you skills. Not vegetating in your own sweat controlling a moronic character on a screen.

StoorieHoose Sun 17-May-20 10:37:03

Ah the daily gamer bashing thread

Horehound Sun 17-May-20 10:37:04

The new style shooter games id not let him play or grand theft auto but there are games where you have to problem solve which are good

Iwantacookie Sun 17-May-20 10:37:41

It's your child and your choice however if all their friends have them and hes the odd one out you might change your mind.

qwertypie Sun 17-May-20 10:38:33

I feel the same way sometimes.

I feel it can only be managed maybe by putting restrictions on usage and perhaps having the console in a shared space e.g. living room.

My younger brother, now in his mid 20s, was allowed to spend as much time as he wanted gaming alone in his room and now it's pretty much a he wants to do. It is heartbreaking. My mum insisted that it was fine because it was "his passion". So incredibly naive.

GrimmsFairytales Sun 17-May-20 10:38:41

By banning them outright you're making them more desirable.

SeasonFinale Sun 17-May-20 10:40:02

Most children manage to do all those activities that Mucklowe describes above and a bit of gaming. As you sound like a sensible parent OP he could have a console with time on it policed by you. A lot of socialising is done these days by group games with their peers and he may miss out on things of he is not involved. As with most things a little of everything in moderation is required.

I was a harsh parent because I adhered to the Ratings until mine were about 16 1/2.

MrsEricBana Sun 17-May-20 10:40:18

Some people become obsessive "gamers", others just enjoying playing on the Xbox. As long as he's the latter it's fine, good for connecting with others, good for certain skills and, guess what, fun!

ScarfLadysBag Sun 17-May-20 10:40:31

It's entirely your choice. Lots of people on MN don't understand gaming so just spout nonsense about it, though, so the quality of debate can be quite low. DH and I are both keen gamers, so I'm sure DD will enjoy playing with us too when she's older. But we understand it and know what games are appropriate, etc. A lot of parents don't understand how consoles work, don't understand what kind of games there are, etc.

qwertypie Sun 17-May-20 10:40:47

Just to add, my DS is 5 and plays video games with his dad. It's nice, fairly sociable. But within reason!

gamerchick Sun 17-May-20 10:41:04

Not everyone turns into an obsessive gamer. I haven't, my husband hasn't, my 13 yr old hasn't.

You don't need to have these conversations yet anyway I would guess. Just stop talking about it with these people.

Lweji Sun 17-May-20 10:42:11

Early parenthood is full of good intentions. grin

DontStandSoCloseToMe Sun 17-May-20 10:43:11

Do you know who plays computer console games Barack Obama, do you know who doesn't? Donald Trump.
It's really not about games consoles, it's about having healthy balance, plenty of activities, social things to do, family time etc and age appropriate gaming in moderation if they want to. I'm not a huge screen person and the radio is more likely to be in than the TV here, but gaming doesn't create selfish, single minded people. Some people who are like that also obsessively game, if it wasn't that it would be something else, cycling for example.

Witchend Sun 17-May-20 10:44:34

He's far more likely to become obsessed if you make it forbidden fruit.
Much better to let him have it in moderation and provide other things he likes.

As others have said, it's a way that they do socialise now.

Peggysgettingcrazy Sun 17-May-20 10:44:45

I think extremes are pointless and cause problems in their own way.

Never playing a computer game? Ridiculous. His friends will, its fun, it can be educational......or even just for fun.

Obesessed and playing all the ours God sends...definitely unhealthy.

There are millions of gamers in the world and the vast majority manage to keep it fun. They also manage to play actual team sports, have hobbies that arenr gaming etc.

I like a game. I had an hour in fortnite this morning. My son is 9 and dd 15. At the moment, they may play for an hour. They also walk the dog, sit in the garden, eat their meals with us. Socialise and both have a team sport hobby (which isn't happening at the moment).

I dont believe gaming is less of a decent past time than going on mn is, or watching a film.

As a pretty its our job to guide and make sure our kids are OK. The same applies if they have a game console.

Afternooninthepark Sun 17-May-20 10:45:10

I felt the same way when my ds was younger and we made the decision not to allow him a console until he was 8 or 9 which was very difficult as many of his friends had them way before this age. He is now 14 and has a gaming pc which he uses A LOT especially now we are in lockdown BUT he also loves to go out with his mates, cook and bakes, helps out his grandparents etc. Your ds will be fine.

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